Oh gee. My mother did the same thing. Sending hugs your way!!
My story - DD stayed overnight at my parents' house. My mom called - twice - to ask permission to cut her hair. I said no, we are waiting until it gets a little longer and more even. End of discussion(s), right?
Next day, they drop her off, and claim they need to get right back on the road, they need to get going before it gets dark or they have trouble driving. OK fair enough. They don't even stay for my daughter to get her coat off. Or her hat.
So, there they are, peeling out of driveway practically on two wheels. We proceed to remove DD's coat. And hat. And she has BANGS. I was so furious and angry I felt like I could throw up.
I called them that night, and asked how could they do that?! To give her her first haircut, when I explicitly said no! At first - my mom denied it. Then she handed the phone to my dad, and she went off crying that I was yelling at her. My dad then yells at me at says she was only trying to help, and how could I be upset with her if she was only trying to help?
This is the same mom who hung up on me when I found my wedding dress shopping with my future MIL. And my dad whom proceeded to lecture me that this was my mom's right, not my MILS. The same mom who wouldn't talk to me for 3 days when I decided to go into missions, with my dad's help.
My only advice is - to *TRY* to move on - and when YOU get his hair cut, if it's his first haircut - you get yourself one of those First Haircut certificates. Because it is the only first haircut that counts.
I have the utmost empathy for you. THEY are not going to change. That's the hard truth. As unfair as it is, you must be the one to change how you react. I feel like I have a suit of armor on now... what they try doesn't penetrate and just pathetically bounces right off. Yes, there is a chasm between us, but we still get together and get along as much as we are going to. It's a happy medium of sorts. If I give more, I am losing my own self. I also do not speak badly of them in front of my children.
Best wishes for you. Thanks for your post. Your note made me feel confident enough to write a little about me, something I don't often like to open up much about! Hope I was able to help even just a wee bit!