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Wanting But Waiting 2014 - Page 16

post #301 of 314
Yeah, realistically we're taking it one baby at a time. Def at least one more, but after that...?
It seems, according to most other people, that we should be done now. We have 2, one of each, and not much money. The few people we've told that we plan to have more kids seem genuinely shocked. When my dad asked what I was doing with my maternity clothes after DS was born, I said "packing them away until next time." His reaction - jaw.gif

I think a lot of it depends on how soon we can buy property. We plan to homestead, and once we've got plenty of space and can grow our own food it will be a bit easier to grow our family. But if it takes a while to buy, I might be too old to have any more. Just have to wait and see!
post #302 of 314
I think five is a good number, that way I don't have to drive a van. Nothing was more embarrassing to me growing up then getting picked up from school in a 15 passenger van. So my goal is to never own a van of any sort!

I doubt we will be judged by immediate family on how many kids we have. DH one of five kids and I'm one of 12 kids. There are also a lot of larger families where we live, so if we had five, we would be pretty average.

I would love to move out of our two bedroom apartment and get a house in the next year or two. Space (or the lack there of) would be our biggest factor on how close our kids are in age and ultimately how many we have.
post #303 of 314

I've been reading along faithfully since page 1 and feel like I should at least say hi.  I'm still undecided about having another baby although I very much want to.  I just had my 3rd baby in November and tried rather unsuccessfully to talk myself into this pregnancy/baby being our last.  My DH and I both feel a sense of satisfaction with our family - no desperate need to have more - but we'd both be happy to have more kids if we can manage it financially/emotionally/logistically.  5 kids would be my ideal # too, each spaced 2.5-3 years apart.  Best wishes with waiting (or deciding for those still on the fence!) :) 

post #304 of 314
Hi AngelKissed!

I'm feeling positive today about where we're going with our family. I don't always feel confident since there's so much uncertainty in our life- my husband's medical training, my recently diagnosed depression, my sweet LO who is high needs. But today I am confident.

We have plans to wait to try until December, giving us a nice 2.5 year gap between kids, myself time to heal my brain, and just knowing that we wouldn't be having the baby right around when we could be moving for residency. Sometimes I want to wait longer- until at least March 2015. But part of me wants to get pregnant now and just wing it- relinquish even the smallest appearance of control. Because though I'm stretched to the max now, I know I'll adapt. And I love being pregnant. And I'd love to give my daughter a sibling. And I'd love to deepen my experience as a mother. I know I'm not done with one.

How is everyone else doing?
post #305 of 314
Thread Starter 

Welcome to the conversation Angelkissed. I hope you find some comfort in sharing here.


What a great place to be, wayworn. I'm so happy that you are finding confidence in your choices, whatever way you decide to go with your family. I totally agree about adaptation, and of course even in less than ideal circumstances there is still abundant joy from a baby. That is one reason it has been difficult waiting this time, for me, because at this point in my life there is not much to wait for. We are financially stable, own our house, I am feeling good and ready...but the only reasons I'm holding onto to keep waiting until August is that it will be so much easier to have a newborn and the other kids at home with me if I birth toward the end of the school year as my dh is a teacher and he'll be home all summer. So having a may or June baby...easy peasy.


Katy, wow, one of 12 kids!! What was that like? Fun, or did you get lost in the crowd? I wonder sometimes how many more kids I can have before I cease to have enough attention, love, time, and patience for them all...or does it multiply indefinitely??

post #306 of 314
Welcome angelkissed, sounds like you are in a good place right now.

Wayworn yay for plans. My ds turned two not long ago and it is amazing how quickly they learn. I wish he could have communicated this well when his sister was born. I can imagine that 2 1/2 would be even better.

Writer I loved growing up with all my siblings. There was always someone to play with. I tended to fly under the radar with my parents more then some of my siblings. I did not struggle with school, or have any other huge problems. Since I did not need them as much I was mostly left to my own devices. They were really supportive of things I was doing. Including driving several hours to attend my orchestra concerts while I was in college. I do know that some of my siblings felt/feel a little more attention deprived, but I think that is mostly due to personality differences. What was enough for me was not enough for another. With any family it has had its pros and cons, I loved it but I'm not going to have that many myself!
post #307 of 314

Hey Mamas! I've also been following this thread and thought I would join!


I have one DD she is going to 5 this June! She was a surprise and freaked my DH out enough that he wants everything to be perfect before we have a next one. Maybe too perfect... We've had a lot of conversations about having another one where he sets goals he wants to achieve before we TTC, and then when we reach those goals he sets new loftier ones. :p Well I finally got him to agree to TTC Halloween 2015! We bought a house and added on an addition and are still finishing up some remodeling. We're hoping to put it on the market next spring so we can buy land and build our dream house, or get a house with a lot more land and do some homesteading. Hopefully by the time we TTC we will have sold our house and bought some land. Otherwise I'm worried about being in limbo and having DH pushing off TTC. :( I really don't want to push it off any further even if the situation isn't ideal because I already wish my daughter was closer in age to her future siblings. It will be a 7 year age gap as it is, and I wanted to maybe squeeze in a third baby but still give three/four years or so for the next one to be the baby.

post #308 of 314
Welcome aslandess, I'm glad you have a date to ttc, hopefully nothing will happen that changes that. What exactly is homesteading? I know it's been mentioned on this thread before and I'm curious on what it is and how it works.

How's everyone else?

Afm, today is the first night in a while both kids have gone to sleep before 10. I'm trying to move the baby in the same room as her brother and it's not working that well. As a result none of us are sleeping that great.
post #309 of 314
Homesteading is generally small scale self sufficient farming. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homesteading it's often called other things outside the US.

Today was a hard one. DD was just all over the place, freaking out about nothing and yelling more often than not. The last couple days were pretty good though. I'm still conflicted about TTC later this year, or putting it off until ... Well until things are easier I suppose. That's assuming things get easier at some point. I don't know, I'm pretty discouraged right now, so not in a good place for planning.
post #310 of 314
Thread Starter 

Welcome Aslandess, I also hope you are able to compromise with your DH about your wants/needs surrounding TTC your next DC.


Katy, although your bedroom move is hard now, it is so exciting that you are taking steps toward the next baby. Actually, I don't recall when you are planning to try...I'll have to look back in the thread. ;)


Sorry things seem tough right now turtle. Hugs and patience while your DD goes through whatever is going on with her. I find that stress and/or funkiness fluctuates in cycles in my house.


AFM, I have been funky! Up and down, back and forth about TTC (when, how, etc...) and it's been rough. I just began taking Vitex last week to hopefully help to lengthen my LP (I ov late and have a short cycle) and I also hoped that it would help with my intense PMS since having DS3. However, at the same time, DH and I decided to begin the girl diet which is the opposite of how we usually eat. I am supposed to cut calories way down, keep my blood sugar low or swinging up and down, and waste all my nutrient stores so my body thinks there is a famine. I have never felt good about this diet and I wasn't going to do it, but rationalizing that it is only for a shortish period of time and in the long run I probably wouldn't regret it if we made a girl, we dove in. And it sucked!! I was dizzy, my eyes got blurry while driving, I was irritable and had NO patience. So, last night I decided it is so not worth it for my family. So, I am not certain if the diet made me feel so off or if it is actually the vitex. Going to monitor my mindbody over the next week.


As for the timing, I am feeling so very uncertain. August and even Sept are best, but seriously, I don't see how we will make it that long unless I do something drastic like take BC pills (which I avoid because of the effect on my mental stability/mood). I can sit here and say that I should be able to just abstain or use condoms during my fertile period, but once I am in that fertile period, I am another person. Totally irrational. I am a hormonal animal, LOL. And so is DH. How in the heck are we going to make through 4 cycles of this when it begins on CD4 and lasts through CD18?? I just don't know. So I go back and forth trying to just accept it and resolve o TTC now instead of waiting, but I can't bring myself to commit to that since I am not 100% sure a Feb baby would be manageable. I guess it would, but not as easy as a summer baby. So Iget stuck in limbo and not having a plan stresses me out. Ugh.

post #311 of 314

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone!


Katydid- I'm sorry it's so rough moving the baby!  I feel for you, sleepless nights stink, but it will be worth it in the long run!


With homesteading we're basically interested in doing things that will lower our cost of living. We'll have to focus on building/or remodeling the house first, and add things in slowly to become more self sufficient, like fruit trees, expanding the garden, composting, chickens, canning, etc. We're not trying to be completely self sufficient, just enough that helps keep our cost of living down. I would never give up my appliances, no way am I going to scrub my clothes with a washboard! :wink


Turtle- I'm sorry it's been so stressful with DD, hopefully with summer around the corner everyone will be able to go outside, soak up some vitamin D, and release some energy.


Writer- I've been following your posts about a girl pre-conception diet. I think it's definitely interesting, I would like a boy this time around, so I'm in the opposite boat. I actually looked up what the diet is for a boy and basically it said potassium, and sodium. So I guess I'll try to eat bananas and french fries? The scientific part of my brain would love to see how this actually plays out irl, it would be interesting to take a poll/or make a thread with a quick summary of each diet and ask other moms which diet their pre-conception eating habits matched most closely, and what sex was their child.


It never really hit me how large the age gap will be between my DD and another DC, and when I told DH last night that it would be 7 years, he was surprised too. I asked him about the possibility of us being in limbo when we want to TTC again, if our house doesn't sell for example, and he said he's not going to put our lives on hold any longer. :joy Since we set a date to TTC we've been talking about it more and he's really on board and is excited. Now just to wait, and check off some goals to accomplish before we TTC, and enjoy my DD while she is still the only. (DH always tells me I'm always worried about the future and just need to enjoy the present.)

post #312 of 314
Lturtle sorry about the rough time with your dd, hopefully it's just a phase and things will get easier for both of you soon.

Writer I'm not sure where you are at in your cycle but you are almost to a spring baby, which is one step closer to a summer baby smile.gif even if timing is not ideal, try to think on the bright side. If you have a feb-may baby you can snuggle without overheating, you won't have to feed a newborn every few hours during the summer when your on the go and in the end you won't regret having another child no matter when they came. That said, be strong and resist, you are almost there smile.gif I'm planning on trying this summer for a spring baby, but I don't know if it will happen. Still no AF and no idea when it will show up.

Aslandess that's great DH is really on board! I think it is easy to forget how fast time is really going sometimes.

Thanks for the information on homesteading, my family did some of that when I was growing up, I never knew there was a name for it. When we finally get a house I want to garden and have fruit trees, I'm not sure if we would ever be able to do more then that due to where we live. I have always thought it would be fun to have a milk cow, my DH, not so much. He grew up working on his uncles sheep farm and had his fill of working with animals.

I slept for 7 hours straight last night for the first time in a long time. I feel amazing! Of course it was probably a fluke and I'll be back to being up all night tonight.
post #313 of 314

Dropping in from outer space again.


Welcome to AngelKissed and Aslandess!


I have nothing to add to the convo at the moment except that I read this really great quote in the newspaper today and wanted to share.  It resonated with me because of my incessant need to worry about all the contingencies of a particular decision and also as a dovetail to the quote in my signature.


It is however, the exact opposite of the title of this thread and will not be great motivation for any of us who really need motivation to wait.  Ahem, writermama12, ahem :wink


"Do not wait; the time will never be 'just right.'  Start where you stand and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along" - George Herbert  


I was really ready to call it done with my two boys but then I read this and it sent that little part of me that desperately wants to have a 3rd all atwitter.  Sigh. 

post #314 of 314
Thread Starter 

STARS!!!! I love this. Thank you thank you thank you. No it doesn't help, but it soooo does help. My name irl is Amber, and my DH came up with a phrase to describe how I totally think a problem to death... he calls it Ambering. I am totally Ambering great timing for my last bub. I need to stop. A few months do have an impact, but having a Feb baby vs a May baby in a year will not matter a smidge. It only matters to me the first few months PP, when I will have either three kids ages 4 and under to care for on my own, or only a newborn to care for and a hubby here to take the olders...But either way, it is only a few months of either relative ease or moderate turmoil. I am sick of myself at this point.

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