I honestly have never felt this way. Yes he brings in the money, but I am the one who supports him. I manage his home, his children, his kitchen, and I am there to encourage and support him every day. He is just as dependent on me as I am on him. Monetary value can not be placed on mothering; it is from our hearts and souls which can not be weighed by monetary value.
How do you feel about being financially dependent? - Page 3
Well I suppose I am financially dependent on dh right now because he makes the majority of our money even though I do WOH pt. This is going to go through drastic changes this year as I'm likely going to quit that job in the next few weeks but will be most likely working FT by the end of the year once all three children can be in some kind of school come Aug/Sep. I don't think about it too much although I do hate it but that comes from being surrounded by single women that have struggled due to the arrogant idiots they at one time married. Our financial situation has changed many times over the years though where I have worked FT, pt at a job or 2+ jobs and he has even been the SAHP while I supported us at times. I think because of this we never argue about the money and that's good but I would still like to be better off financially so I knew I'd be fine no matter what happened. I get closer to that goal every year though so I just try to keep going and not focus on it too much.
"Emotional labor" is a term that is now being recognized by sociologists as the economy becomes service-oriented. People who are stressed through emotional labor struggle with identity crises, dissociation, and insecurity. These are people who have to deal with customer service day after grueling day. The emotional cost of the work hasn't been economically valued. This is an important recognition because it will affect compensation (especially if people start suing) - for the first time, emotional 'work' will be introduced into the economy.
Obviously the most emotional labor in society is done by caregivers within families paid only "in kind." Of course many (hopefully most) caregivers work from love and willingness, but it's also real work that should have economic recognition. A financial counselor recommended that we buy significant life insurance for me when our family was young even though I wasn't working, simply to cover costs of child care, housekeeping & maintanance, bookkeeping, etc that I was doing while my husband was working. So there is an example of the real economic value that is created any time *anyone* works. So take heart in that. Otherwise I just accept it for what it is and am grateful that there is income.
I think my husband is more worried about this than I am. He is seriously concerned about what would happen if he were to pass away before I do since I gave up my career to stay with our children. I have a 401K from when I was working he is starting to put money into so that if something were to happen Ill have money. Hes grandpa has terminal cancer and is stressed over how how grandma is going to make it without him (no worries there, she will always be taken care of but tell grandpa that) so that has my DH worried.
Personally, I have my own bank account and every month some cash is put in it (how much depends on what "extra" we have left over). This account came to be because I wanted to have the ability to get presents without him knowing it, if I used our joint account he would quickly figure out what I was up to. I never feel bad about spending money out of our joint account because we have always seen it as our money not his/mine. Even when I was working and he was unemployed or when I made more than he did we had the same philosophy.