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Mothering › Groups › December 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › Visitors!

Visitors!

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

Hello and congratulations to all the new mommies out there!!

 

What are everyone's thoughts on visitation?? I have one family that's located really close by (think- in-laws half mile down the road) and one family that's coming in from across the country. It's my first baby (still waiting, 5 days past due date at this point) and I have no idea what to expect for recovery, privacy needs, etc.

 

While I realize that everyone has different relationships with family, friends, etc, I am having major anxiety about visitors (and setting guidelines for such) and would love to hear others' thoughts and approaches to visiting (can we say, excited! and perhaps not-incredibly-independent mothers??)

 

Thanks and good energy!

post #2 of 8
I think it depends on the visitors. I need some recovery time before my mom comes over, because she's very much a "guest." But if my MIL came over while I was resting, I'd never know she was here except for the dishes mysteriously getting washed. :P IMO, visitors can be nice if they're the type who will help out, will hang out with your DH / other kids and not get upset if you stay in bed, and won't wake a sleeping baby just because they want to take pictures. But it's best to put off any visits where you would have to get up and socialize whether you feel like it or not.
post #3 of 8

I just visit with people when they drop off dinner.  

 

My MIL usually shows up unannounced.  She's never brought us dinner.  She just shows up on the day I birth when she hears baby is born and comes in and wants to hold the baby.  Then she never shows interest again in my children.  Not exaggerating.  So I think this time I'm not going to accommodate her.  

post #4 of 8

I did a meal calender last time and it was nice to have everyone spaced out through that. I put my husband in charge of enforcing short visits and he did a good job ushering the few people that wanted to linger forever. Otherwise, the only one that really shows up right away and is mildly annoying is my MIL who will want to come RIGHT away as soon as we tell her. But at least she doesn't stay long and she'll play with the big kids.

I would get your DH on board with playing "bad guy" and maybe have some sort of signal that you can give him to let him know you need him to clear people out so you can rest. Blame your OB/Midwife a lot on "orders to rest" and whatnot too. Family usually listens well to that.

post #5 of 8
Thread Starter 

Mataji I'm sorry for your experiences with your MIL...

 

I know my partner is on board and will be the go-between if needed. I have asked my parents to postpone their visit for a couple of weeks after the baby is born, but they will be staying with us (something I've heard from multiple people is a bad idea), but I feel like there's no other good option and I just can't ask them to stay somewhere else...

 

Another big question I have is, does anyone have any thoughts/procedures for visitors that are smokers? Almost all of my inlaws are smokers. Do I ask each one of them to make sure to wash their hands before I hand over my baby? Am I being an overprotective first time mom?

post #6 of 8

Definitely you can ask them to wash their hands.  I also think it's fine to say they can't hold the baby if they smell like smoke- I wouldn't let my husband's aunt hold the babies because the babies smell like her afterwards and it's awful!

 

I don't think people realize that having visitors can be exhausting and overwhelming in the first week or so.  It can also be a welcome visit if it's a good friend!  Just really depends on the situation.

post #7 of 8

MiL smokes. I didn't think of asking her to wash her hands after smoking but might next time. One of my pet peeves when DD stays with her is that even though she has tons of fun there, she comes back and everything (DD, her clothes, her bag) smells of smoke. 

 

I've also asked visitors to wash their hands before holding the baby - but in most cases, I didn't need to, they did it on their own. It's winter and people are coughing/sneezing left & right, so I feel it's justified. This way, I don't have to single out the smokers. 

 

Like Jenny said, if the visitors are close friends/family who you feel comfortable around then I personally don't mind. I enjoyed having people visit me in the hospital. But some of DP's friends stayed for far too long that I just said good night and went to sleep. I really like it here in Germany (perhaps Europe?) that almost everyone asked me before the birth when/if I will receive visitors. In my home country, no one asks, people just show up and expect you to play hostess all day long. One of my good friends back home told me relatives showed up unannounced at 10 pm to have drinks with them, a week after she gave birth to twins bigeyes.gif

post #8 of 8

I asked all my relatives (except close family, like my mom, MIL, sisters) and friends not to go to the hospital, but to come home once we're settled. I got the idea from some moms in mothering, I would have never thought to do that before, and it was great. I had very few visits at the hospital (where I was in pain, learning how to breastfeed, dealing with my c-sec recovery, and feeling all sorts of crappy). My relatives accepted what I asked but I think they got all sensitive about it. Our friends didn't mind. I think that people just wants to meet the baby, hold him and take pictures, and they don't care much about the mother, who just had surgery or went through childbirth.

Now everyone is coming this weekend, it's going to be crazy here, but at least I feel great physically and the baby is a week old. The truth is I really enjoy having my family and friends over, I get along with everyone and I also wanted to be able to talk, walk, enjoy myself... wear clothes!

So let's see how it all goes this weekend!

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