Hi there. I replied to another thread and then realized it was a year old!
I got preachy, but it helped to vent.
Please let me know if you think i should be more gracefully confrontational with my MIL.
Or, if i should let it rest, as my son is now 8.
She might always be grandiose and condescending with me, esp when her ego is so fragile.
Thanks for reading:
Just thinking about this myself, as my mother in law again has spanked our now 8 year old son.
He visited with his dad (my husband) over the last weekend.
He was being 'annoying' turning on and off lights. . .or something. Yes, he can be very irritating.
He is an only child. So is my hubby. MIL has been widowed and alone for 2 decades. From Eastern Europe. Broken English. Strong bond between hubby and his mom.
Hard to handle. My parents passed many moons ago.
I am insecure. There, i said it.
But i know that i have mentioned several times over the past 8 years that spanking and other very impulsive acts do not serve as behaviors that i want my son to model. Esp. when spanking is done right then, without warning, and without any other methods tried.
It sucks to be considered as a SAHM who has "nothing better to think about" than these issues, but it does matter.
When he told me that she hit him last weekend, i tried to remain calm and ask more. My powerlessness with her stems from her fragile ego; she is his only grandparent, and she is very very headstrong and implulsive. . gambling (supposidly in the past) and smoking have been some issues. . .
I digress. . .
It is difficult to characterize spanking as always bad, since i have hit my son back when he has hit me from time to time.
Not my finest hour. . .but, without siblings who would ( i believe) had hit him back once or twice, he just sort of did well to learn how it feels.
He was very out of control. . .and sometimes kids around age 4 or 6 can get physical if they are quite physical to begin, as is my son.
Time outs can be him screaming "no". . . .but, another approach, i know. . ..could have been simply to let teh energy dissipate a bit.. . then . . .act.
I hope to be more like this in the future.
I don't let my emotions get the best of me too much, but it happens sometimes, and i yell.
Another person using spanks immediately bugs me since i have asked her not to. . ..she barely spoke to me for so long after that! and my hubby was mad at me to boot--obvious when he siad the issue was 'stupid'.
Spanking an impulsive kid might 'work' but it doesn't teach him to use his words or understand how he feels.
It ends behavior sometimes.
Some of my friends say that their kids don't respond unless they think a spanking is in order. ..do you want to rule by threats always?
BEHAVIOR OF CHILD AND CARETAKER IS A RELATIONSHIP. That helps when i remember that.
Do I want to be close to him and have him share with me? Do i wish for a convenient relationship where he doesn't bug me ever, and does not tattle.. etc?
I try to remember this as my son grows and gets very sassy. I calmly disengage very frequently. . .esp when he is hungry and/or tired. He USUALLY COMES TO TELL ME HE IS SORRY!
AND, . ..I think of how at least he has a conscience. He will never ever be perfect. And, eventually, he will make his own way and his own decisions. I want to stay conncected, but not as a doormat. So, it is a lesson in balance.