I could really use some input, i know this is long, but please hear me out :)
I am 27 weeks pregnant with baby #3.
I have had two mw attended homebirths, the first one was totally wonderful with some mild hemmoraging and a labia tear because i was the midwives first tub birth and she hadn't figured out how to help support the head.
the last birth was a bit rough.
I had hoped to have an oopsie uc with that birth but dh was not supportive at all. so the midwife ended up coming, supposedly more to just comfort me, but that's not how it worked out.
Mw broke my waters before i felt ready for that, kept making me try different positions that I didn't want or like to hurry labor along, made me push before i was ready, gave me a cervical lip from that! it was horribly painful and spun me into a ptsd related panic attack. baby was big and super broad and one ounce shy of 11 lbs, he still is a very broad child. heck my ex-husband was a huge broad, big boned guy who was 11 lbs when he was born,his child by another woman was also a really big baby.
anyway, baby had a stuck shoulder which midwife handled by pushing him back and turning him. it HURT more than anything i've experienced in my entire life! I also hemmoraged after, mw's didn't realize i was possibly anemic .this whole experience left me with...well i suppose some more ptsd. fun.
after he'd been born, midwife told me she had been afraid that there would be problems because baby was so big and i was "so small" (i'm not that small) and i wonder how much her fear affected the way she handled my birth, and how much that affected how my baby came into this world. I still feel like i'd needed to take a nap right when she got there and started to fuss with me. i wonder if i'd had my nap, would i have been able to wake up refreshed, and deliver an optimally positioned baby?
now here i am, almost 9 years later, I can no longer get a mw in my state because my asthma causes me to risk out with the newly legal midwives here...so because of my fear with the above situation i tried to find the most natural ob i could. the thing is, there are no natural ob's here. The closest one i could find, upon meeting me for the first time immediately wanted to schedule a c-section because i have had larger babies late and long labors. he constantly fear mongers me and shames me because he seems to think i have gd even though i've passed every test. he is clearly trying to scare me into a c-section "for my own good"
the thing is, the further i've gotten into the pregnancy the more it's just seeming untenable...so i've been researching dealing with hemmorage and stuck shoulders during a uc, as well as prevention...since those would be my two main concerns. hemmorage seems handleable. so stuck shoulder...i can't find anything that tells me how likely i am to have another one.
the father of this baby, is much smaller boned, was a small baby, his daughter is a small baby. also, he's a million times more supportive and i'm happier in my relationship and my life. So there is trust there, that wasn't there before. My gut says this baby is going to be a whole nother ball game, i also plan to be doing spinningbabies techniques during labor as well as now to optimize placement and hopefully a speedier birth. making sure i'm not anemic, and finding something i can keep down to keep my energy up while i am laboring as well to make sure i can handle labor as well as possible.
I feel so good about this, calm and happy for the first time since i found out that midwives won't take me. but then i start to question, like maybe i am taking to much of a risk. I know those are only questions we can answer our selves, but right now my brain is chasing itself in ferret circles. maybe some fresh perspective will help. if that was your birth story...would you feel safe having a uc afterwards?
thank you for any insight you may have :)