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Weighing my options, please help me think this through

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 

I could really use some input, i know this is long, but please hear me out :)


I am 27 weeks pregnant with baby #3.


I have had two mw attended homebirths, the first one was totally wonderful with some mild hemmoraging and a labia tear because i was the midwives first tub birth and she hadn't figured out how to help support the head. 


the last birth was a bit rough.


I had hoped to have an oopsie uc with that birth but dh was not supportive at all. so the midwife ended up coming, supposedly more to just comfort me, but that's not how it worked out.


Mw broke my waters before i felt ready for that, kept making me try different positions that I didn't want or like to hurry labor along, made me push before i was ready, gave me a cervical lip from that! it was horribly painful and spun me into a ptsd related panic attack. baby was big and super broad and one ounce shy of 11 lbs, he still is a very broad child. heck my ex-husband was a huge broad, big boned guy who was 11 lbs when he was born,his child by another woman was also a really big baby.


anyway, baby had a stuck shoulder which midwife handled by pushing him back and turning him. it HURT more than anything i've experienced in my entire life! I also hemmoraged after, mw's didn't realize i was possibly anemic .this whole experience left me with...well i suppose some more ptsd. fun.


after he'd been born, midwife told me she had been afraid that there would be problems because baby was so big and i was "so small" (i'm not that small) and i wonder how much her fear affected the way she handled my birth, and how much that affected how my baby came into this world. I still feel like i'd needed to take a nap right when she got there and started to fuss with me. i wonder if i'd had my nap, would i have been able to wake up refreshed, and deliver an optimally positioned baby?


now here i am, almost 9 years later, I can no longer get a mw in my state because my asthma causes me to risk out with the newly legal midwives here...so because of my fear with the above situation i tried to find the most natural ob i could. the thing is, there are no natural ob's here. The closest one i could find, upon meeting me for the first time immediately wanted to schedule a c-section because i have had larger babies late and long labors. he constantly fear mongers me and shames me because he seems to think i have gd even though i've passed every test. he is clearly trying to scare me into a c-section "for my own good"


the thing is, the further i've gotten into the pregnancy the more it's just seeming untenable...so i've been researching dealing with hemmorage and stuck shoulders during a uc, as well as prevention...since those would be my two main concerns. hemmorage seems handleable. so stuck shoulder...i can't find anything that tells me how likely i am to have another one.


the father of this baby, is much smaller boned, was a small baby, his daughter is a small baby. also, he's a million times more supportive and i'm happier in my relationship and my life. So there is trust there, that wasn't there before.  My gut says this baby is going to be a whole nother ball game, i also plan to be doing spinningbabies techniques during labor as well as now to optimize placement and hopefully a speedier birth. making sure i'm not anemic, and finding something i can keep down to keep my energy up while i am laboring as well to make sure i can handle labor as well as possible.


I feel so good about this, calm and happy for the first time since i found out that midwives won't take me. but then i start to question, like maybe i am taking to much of a risk. I know those are only questions we can answer our selves, but right now my brain is chasing itself in ferret circles. maybe some fresh perspective will help. if that was your birth story...would you feel safe having a uc afterwards?



thank you for any insight you may have :)

post #2 of 10
I've never UC'd, so I will let someone else comment on that part.
I'm wondering why not try going with a family Dr,as opposed to an OB? They can still do prenatal care, and deliver babies (if u end up going that route). I love the family Dr.s, they seem way more chillaxed about everything than an OB with a pregnant woman, and with kids as opposed to a pediatrition.
post #3 of 10
For the record bone is an anti UCer trolling the uc forums who has absolutely no faith in women's natural instinct and intuition :-)

I honestly don't know a ton about shoulder dystocia. While planning my own uc though of course I have read up on it and often just a change in position is all that is needed. I guess for me personally I feel like my instincts
Would tell me what to do. As far as your situation you really have to go with what your gut is telling you as you know. I can't in good conscience tell another women yes! You should uc even if she was low risk. The decision to uc is just too huge and the mother takes on the responsibility for her birth then...I do wonder though, if you felt you shouldn't push yet, is it possible that the complication that arose was because your midwife pushed you? Anyway, good luck to you! You'll figure it out...
post #4 of 10
Not to downplay shoulder dystocia, but bringing your legs up toward your body as in McRoberts, and turning on all fours as in the Gaskin maneuver can be done without high levels of intervention by other people. That, and not letting anyone else direct your pace or movements is what I would consider as easily available in a uc.

I think looking for a GP is a good alternative to an OB if you want to explore that route.
post #5 of 10

I think you have all of the "red flags" under control that you can. Will your partner or support person be with you, to help you with panic should it set in? Is he supportive of your choice to UC, in other words, is he going to be ok with letting you do what you feel you must, unlike your MW experience? Also I really think you are on to something, being that the father of this baby, has smaller babies, and is smaller. I know that we are NOT cattle or animals, but any farmer knows that if you have to pull the calves one season, it is best to switch to a smaller bull, proven to "throw" smaller calves. I am surprised that your OB has not put that in as a factor. Study what you and your partner could do if the baby does get stuck, is your partner able to help you if you ask? If it would help, maybe consider how long it would take for help to arrive if needed. You do not have to do any of those things, but they may help you to decide what is best for you and your family. 

post #6 of 10

Advice regarding Unassisted Childbirth comes best from someone who is supportive of UC and has established that support by participating as a member here in the forums. Members who have no history of UC support and are simply coming to warn women of the potential danger of their choice to UC are not posting with the intent to support but with the intent to dissuade, which is not what this forum is for.


I've removed a few posts from this discussion as they are not in accordance with the guidelines of support. 

post #7 of 10

my first 3 births were unassisted and my fourth was in the hospital (but basically unassisted) because of intuitive concerns... all were uneventful.


This is my guide for deciding if UC is right for you: 



post #8 of 10
I'm thinking of UC too. The truth is, you never know what's going to happen. I like the link that lia_joy shared. OP, I changed my mind at 30 weeks with my third baby and went from regular OB care to a homebirth midwife. Those third babies always throw you for a loop! wink1.gif
post #9 of 10

Also wanted to add. I have been reading some of Ina May Gaskins books. In a couple of them she mentions how getting the mother to hands and knees position will widen the pelvis. You can also add to this (talk to your partner ahead of time to see if he or she will help) getting one finger hooked under the babies one armpit and slowly spinning and pulling the baby to get him or her out. Sounds like the use of this has had a 98% success rate in her experiances. Very good to know.


post #10 of 10
Thread Starter 
Thank you ladies for all your perspectives. I really appreciate it

My partner is supportive however he'd prefer we have an attendant. My only other homebirth option is a friend who would deliver the baby for me but lives 5 hours away. I have had long labors I could probably get there in time but man that sounds.exhausting and painful.
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