Hi AT, thanks so much for your response and sharing your philosophy. I welcome any and all perspectives on this as I'm really up against the wall right now (the wall being my own self!)
In the best of times, I would love to be that mountain for my son... I'd love to give him that sense of security, safety, trust. I'd love to be rock-solid, steadfast and unwavering... clear-minded and decisive. My situation is that I've been diagnosed with PTSD from an assault, and by no means do I intend that as an excuse - I originally posted about how parents can still be the parents they can be, and want to be, when going through a major emotional crisis. My concentration is shot, I have difficulty being 'present' and often feel very detached due to current stress/anxiety issues. In general though I'm doing ok, but when my son attacks me physically (as he does often, always preceded by my telling him no, or stopping him from doing something destructive, or way beyond what is reasonable) I tend to react very strongly, badly... and I want that to stop. Letting him hit me isn't an option. I'm also yelling a lot, and I think it's related to feeling a loss of control over the situation.
I don't want to ever give up being the mom I know I can be, that I could be... even going through the private turmoil at the moment. I need parenting skills for when the ground literally goes out from under your feet in life and yet things must go on, in any way, shape or form they can.