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Ready for another?

post #1 of 39
Thread Starter 
I'm thinking that I want to start trying for another baby! I've been thinking this way since DD was first born. Even before she was born I was hoping to have two close together 14-18 months apart, but I wanted to wait and experience life with a newborn first, before I vocalized my plan, other than to my DH and had lots of people tell me I was crazy. smile.gif
It's been 6 months and I still want another one soon, and I don't mean I only want one when we're having good days, is pretty much constant. I find myself in the middle of the night nursing sessions or when she's teething, asking myself if I still want two infants and the answer is yes.

DH is all for it. Prolapse is pretty much healed. We are still exclusively breastfeeding but my cycle has been back for 2 months now. Side note, doctor/midwife gave to go ahead for January. So that's when we're thinking of starting ttc.

So.... any thoughts? Anyone else feeling ready for another?
post #2 of 39

Crystal Marie, bless your heart. I don't think I've ever said that to anyone & by "bless your heart" I mean you're crazy, albeit in a good refreshing way. If you've got the energy & stamina that your early 20's undoubtedly give you, go for it! I would be eating like crazy trying to build up a surplus of nutrients & enzymes in your shoes, but what a fun thought watching 2 little ones grow up so close.

I would also like another, but that would put us at 5 & I would like to wait a year or so to be in good condition. I'm in shape & strong, but I don't want to start w/ any extra weight, which I'm still carrying. Husband says no more & he's the one who decides those things, so it's really up to him. I love babyhood, but a baby/toddler hood w/ a 4yr.old hood & a 6 & 8 are all too many hoods for me to navigate w/ any semblance of grace.

post #3 of 39
I totally understand!! This is what I tried to do with my first two children, I got the second egg and they ended up exactly 2 years apart. And my LO now is 6 months and I am having a SUPER hard time fighting off the urge to try again on the first egg... Even though I don't have my period back yet. Both of my little sisters are Prego right now (one 5 months and one 2 months) and emotionally I'm really sad I'm not with them. We decided this was our last babe but the emotions are still there strong... Not sure I'll ever really be ok with "being done"
post #4 of 39

In a word ... No.

 

Kudos to you, though, CrystalMarie, for honoring your urges and being in a position to follow through w/ them!

post #5 of 39

I felt the same way with my first.  It was something we thought about when I *thought* I was pregnant when DS was for months old (HA! It took almost two years to get my cycle back!).  In all honesty, I would urge you to seriously consider your nutrient reserves.  Pregnancy takes ALOT out of you.  Also, how long were you planning to breastfeed for? Because you would have to plan on your milk drying up too, and weaning a baby who isn't ready can be heart breaking.  Also, caring for a toddler is much harder (IMO) than caring for a baby. 

 

OTOH, I have to say still I feel the same way, lol! I'm tandem nursing, so the chances of me getting pregnant are pretty much nill.  So we haven't considered it seriously, although we have decided to try for one more.  I'm really glad that my first two are 2.5 years apart, but that is based on DS's (very intense) personality.  People pull off having two close together, but you will have to make a lot of sacrifices of your first's babyhood...and then of your second's infancy.  Because toddlers really are still babies for a lot longer than society seems to advertise.  It's doable, but I would seriously consider if you would be able to parent two under two the way that you want to, because having two is hard, even though my now 3 year old is very independent.  I'm not saying you are crazy or not to do it, but there are a lot of logistical considerations in terms of being able to be present for each of your kids that come up that may seem abstract with a young baby....

post #6 of 39
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for your replies. I truly appreciate them. Sorry for the delay, we've been traveling for the last few days and computer time was nonexistent.
Babysmurf, you hit my three biggest concerns right on the head! 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Voondrop View Post
 

I would be eating like crazy trying to build up a surplus of nutrients & enzymes in your shoes, but what a fun thought watching 2 little ones grow up so close.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BabySmurf View Post
 

 In all honesty, I would urge you to seriously consider your nutrient reserves.  Pregnancy takes ALOT out of you. 

This is a huge concern for me. We try to stick to a Whole Foods/Nourishing traditions approach to nutrition. Bone broths, Organic Pasture raised meats and eggs, fermented foods, whole milk raw dairy, soaked grains, little to no refined sugars but I have a tendency towards under-eating, which is a horrible habit to have when EBF and considering a new pregnancy. I've started writing down each meal and how much I ate to keep an eye on it and make sure I'm getting more than enough food. I'm concerned that if I were to get pregnant, I might end up with the same super strong aversions to these things. I threw up all eggs  and meat products for the first 2 months. I have so little stores built up that I'm afraid this next baby would suffer from inadequate nutrition, if I couldn't keep the daily goodies coming in high doses. I also weigh less than i did before conceiving last time and I lost about 8 lbs in the first 2 months. I'm hoping that if we choose to conceive and can successfully conceive that I will be able to keep up a massive intake of nourishing calories. 

I've been looking into multiple sources for nutrition, and nursing a babe during a pregnancy and the kellymom website had this info. Which I don't consider to be used as fact or an end all to the discussion. Every woman is different and I don't know  if my body will be able to do it or not. Unless I try, and that's what I'm trying to figure out here. Do I try for it?

Special Dietary Considerations (Pregnant & Nursing or Tandem Nursing)

If a mother is reasonably well-nourished her body can continue to meet her own needs and the needs of both her unborn child/infant and the older nursling. This is especially true if the older nursling is at least a year old when mom gets pregnant. In some cases, the health care provider may recommend that the mother consume more calories and/or take prenatal vitamins (but it’s unwise to take more than one a day).

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by shanna-cat View Post

Not sure I'll ever really be ok with "being done"

A friend of mine just gave away all her nursing and baby stuff since that last kid has weaned and they are firmly feeling done. Talking to her about it and seeing how done she truly feels was astonishing to me, simply because I'm in such a different place. I can hardly imagine the mourning I would go through if this was our last one. I want a house full of children and I love being pregnant and nursing my little one, I also don't know if I'll ever really be ok 'being done' either. Thankfully I, God willing have a while before I have to really worry about that, but who knows. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by BabySmurf View Post
Also, how long were you planning to breastfeed for? Because you would have to plan on your milk drying up too, and weaning a baby who isn't ready can be heart breaking.  

Second huge concern! I want to breastfeed for as long as DD wants to. I'm hoping it will be well into toddlerhood, like 3-4. I have friends who tandem nurse and I'm hoping so much that I'm able to. From what I've read, which isn't as much as I'd like yet but a good bit, is that my milk shouldn't completely dry up, but I should expect a significant drop. Something that I found that was encouraging was this...

A recent review of the available research on breastfeeding and pregnancy as separate events revealed that as long as the mother is eating enough calories of a basic mixed diet, and as long as she is gaining weight within healthy parameters, there is ample reason to believe she can provide well for herself, her fetus and her nursling. (Adventures in Tandem Nursing, 2003)  

Though I realize everyone is different and I may not be one of the woman who can successfully nurse through a pregnancy. Weaning Genevieve early would be so hard, we both seem to enjoy nursing. My lactation consultant who is a dear friend had girls 15 months apart and nursed with no problems through her 2nd pregnancy but 4 days before her 2nd daughters birth DD1 stopped nursing on her own and never nursed again. I've heard a couple different people say this was the case for them so I'm hoping to avoid this as well. Who knows. 

 

Oops, DD is awake. I'll have to respond more later. I have lots more to say and I so truly appreciate all the feedback. I knew you mama's would be able to help me weight the important factors in this decision. I'll be back during DD next nap time. 

Thanks again!

post #7 of 39

In terms of the breastfeeding, something I would consider when you are looking up information, is the difference between continuing to nurse your baby and being able to provide enough nourishment throughout the pregnancy so that you can rely solely on nursing and not needing to supplement....The hormones that support pregnancy are contrary to the ones that support lactation, and your body will favor the fetus over the nursing child (which is why it isn't dangerous for most people to nurse throughout pregnancy).  So regardless of how much Gen...(I can't remember how to spell the res!) she is nursing, the growing baby is going to dictate your hormones.  So your milk will likely dry up or at the very least significantly decrease at some point for some amount of time during the pregnancy.  Just for the sake of conversation - I have no problem gaining weight in pregnancy, and I have a prolific supply.  DS was still nursing all. the. time.  so stimulating the milk was never an issue.  I also eat a traditional foods diet.  My supply dropped a bunch by 12 weeks, but I was still able to produce a decent amount of milk.  I knew because DS actually started to eat more food, but not a ton.  By about 23 weeks or so the milk was totally gone.  Maybe he could get a sip or two, but clearly there was not enough to feed him.  He did continue to nurse throughout the entire pregnancy, and by about 26 weeks I was producing colostrum....which was apparent by his voracious return to nursing all. the. time. I have no idea about how well colostrum would be able to provide nourishment without some kind of supplementing...definitely still good for the baby, but I don't know how much you can rely on it for feeding a non newborn. 

 

So you may not have any problem nursing through pregnancy...but that doesn't mean that your supply will be able to keep up.  In fact it would be extremely likely that it would not.  It's not really something you can predict either, unfortunately. 

 

OTOH, if Gen is taking to solids well and you feel that nutrition wise she isn't highly dependent on nursing, it may not be a huge issue.  (I've heard that some babies out there are eating a ton by 9-12 months). 
 

I'm totally not trying to discourage you, but these were all of the things I had to consider for my toddler, who was very reliant on nursing because of food sensitivities, when I got pregnant.  If you look at the TTC threads, this is one of the biggest conflicts that moms who want lots of babies or babies close in age face (and the first of many times you would need to weigh the needs of one child against another)- and essentially why we waited to try getting my cycles back earlier (by cutting down on nursing); is that I felt that nature/biology was telling me that DS needed his babymoon to last a bit longer..so we left things to biology and things have worked out really well.  Many others have come to a different conclusion, and of course you will love your babies fiercely no matter what and you will be an awesome Mom no matter how far apart your kids are! I'm just trying to throw some stuff out there so you can go in with your eyes open, because Mom Guilt really stinks :o

 

Have you been tracking your cycles to know if you are actually ovulating and if your LP is long enough to support a pregnancy? It's totally possible that you are, but that would be something else to look into :)

post #8 of 39
I understand that my experience might not be the average for most mamas, but I really loved having my first two children so close together. I breastfed all through the second pregnancy with no issues (which I hear is uncommon) and tandem nursed for about 3 months after ds2 was born. I actually found tandem nursing stressful and often uncomfortable with my not-very-big boobs so was relieved when ds2 self weaned at just over age 2.
I didn't feel like my body was struggling or I was pushing my limits (perhaps my body nutrients were stressed but I didn't feel stressed nor was I sick or anything) with pregnancy #2.
The hardest part for me was dealing with diapers x2. So many diapers and i sometimes felt like I was up to my elbows in poo. But all in all I would never change it. My boys are such close friends now and still at ages 6 and 8 do everything together. I truly loved having them be so close in age, even when they were little.
post #9 of 39
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BabySmurf View Post
 

In terms of the breastfeeding, something I would consider when you are looking up information, is the difference between continuing to nurse your baby and being able to provide enough nourishment throughout the pregnancy so that you can rely solely on nursing and not needing to supplement....

 

So you may not have any problem nursing through pregnancy...but that doesn't mean that your supply will be able to keep up.  In fact it would be extremely likely that it would not.  It's not really something you can predict either, unfortunately. 

 

Totally valid point! For the sake of clarity, I don't plan to attempt to exclusively breastfeed Genevieve through the pregnancy, actually two nights ago I started her on egg yokes, she seemed so ready to begin experimenting with food. She seems to love it but between last night and the night before she only got about 1/16th of a teaspoon total. I plan to start implementing food slowly but I want her getting as much breastmilk as possible. I'm hoping to do everything within my power to give my supply the best chance to make as much as possible throughout the pregnancy. 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by BabySmurf View Post

Have you been tracking your cycles to know if you are actually ovulating and if your LP is long enough to support a pregnancy? It's totally possible that you are, but that would be something else to look into :)

Yes, I've been charting for two months and signs seem to be indicating ovulating, things are still jumping around a bit though. I'll have a much better idea in two weeks though because this last month of charting has been much more consistent. It's odd to me that we were in no rush to get my cycles back, I was doing all the things they tell you to do to keep them away and yet at 4 months postpartum, they were back. I"m not complaining, I just expected it to take a lot longer. 

 

One of the main reasons we love the idea of close children is that DH and I both have  >20 month apart siblings on either side.

DH 's brother is 15 months older than DH's sister and she is 16 months older than DH. 

My sister is 20 months older than me. My brother is 18 months younger than me.

My cousins are 11 months apart and my best friend and her sister are 11 months apart. 

My mom and her brother are 11 months apart too.

It seems my family has a tendancy towards this, granted I don't think any of them were still breastfeeding when they conceived...

 

I love how close are of those relationships are. We have great relationships and have, baring 3 years when we were preteens where we fought like cats and dogs. I think that how close we are in age was a factor in how strong those relationships are, we has a blast as kids and even now. It's wonderful to be going through the same things in life. It's a huge factor for us. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by BabySmurf View Post
 I'm just trying to throw some stuff out there so you can go in with your eyes open, because Mom Guilt really stinks :o

I truly appreciate all your thoughts, and encouraging me to think it through really well with the things you've brought up and am taking them into consideration. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by shanna-cat View Post
But all in all I would never change it. My boys are such close friends now and still at ages 6 and 8 do everything together. I truly loved having them be so close in age, even when they were little.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I've have a few friends who said similar things, even thought some of them had nursing problems, they loved how close their kids were and would do it again.

 

To be honest, we're still leaning heavily towards TTC in the new year depending on how Genevieve is doing with her food introduction, but I'm still doing lots of research and trying to prepare my body/milk supply to give it the best chance possible. Any more thoughts are still welcome. :) Thanks again mama's! 

post #10 of 39

Haha, I didn't plan on exclusively nursing my son for as long as I did either, lol! No, it's funny though, because I told my husband that I would either want kids close together (like at most 18 months apart) or closer to 3 years apart, after having a really hard learning curve with DS at two.  So that would land us TTC like NOW (or very soon) too.  DD is soooo much more laid back than DS was too, if I thought my body could handle it I would actually consider it.  I really hope that DS weans soon....that will really help my body and my sanity out.  ITA about loving having siblings close in age, but I think that no matter what, the relationship we have with are siblings (long term) are more of a function of personality than age, at least IME.  I think your post is just stirring up those emotions in me about our own thoughts of when to TTC next....and how to get there!

 

Shana-Cat, you rock! I actually hear *most* people who have kids close together say that they wouldn't change a thing, and no matter what spacing your kids are in, there are going to be pros and cons.  You just have to be a special kind of crazy to choose it, I think :love

post #11 of 39
Wow really already? More power to ya. I look at my little one and want another in several years. Maybe 3 instead of 5.5 this time but years. Lol.

Most of the nutrition comes from your milk or a milk substitute for 12 months. Solids are for fun before 1. Consider how you feel about formula because I don't think solids will do it so early.

I saw this and really feel for this momma.
http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1392576/ebf-6-mo-old-my-milk-is-drying-up#post_17528016

If you really want another baby I don't think nursing should be a make or break on decision making. But would hate for you to be unaware which obviously you aren't.
post #12 of 39

My middle girls are 21 months apart & it's a lot of fun. I remember being distraught as #3 was an unplanned surprise & was looking at a plus sign 2 weeks after Charlotte's first birthday; I felt like I had robbed her of her babyhood. But it's all she's ever known & has no memories of never having a sister. 9 months is an eternity for small people & in my experience they'll be busy, happy & excited if that's how they perceive you. BUT THE  DIAPERS. My 3 yr. old boy was still having lots of accidents, almost 2 yr. old would take care of solids at least, plus new baby. We moved into a new house w/ brand new carpet, it looks 10 yrs. old in 4 years. lol.

post #13 of 39

I've been thinking about this lately, since Baby L is our first and I just turned 34.  If we are going to have another I feel it should be sooner than later - but I'm definitely not ready yet.  My period hasn't come back, I want to keep breastfeeding for at least a year, and things are just so lovely with my sweet baby that I can't imagine changing anything about our life at the moment. 

 

On the other hand, my cousin has daughters 13 months apart, and they are all happy as clams... so I think you really have to follow your heart on this one!

post #14 of 39
I wish I was below my pp weight! Gah! I gained 55 lbs with my pregnancy and have only lost 15 of it. I feel VERY depressed about it. I too, have longed for another baby. At first I didn't think it would be a reality because we were already going broke paying for 1 in daycare. But now I'm working from home so we don't have that expense, but money is still really tight. We have such a tiny house, don't know if we have the room and can't afford a bigger house. I wish I knew how everyone else can afford to have a large family in a hcol area... I'm 37, so if we do, we have to decide fairly soon.
post #15 of 39

I'm sort of crashing in on this DDC thread, but for what it's worth, I found myself accidentally pregnant with my second when my first was 8 months old, and I never had any milk problems.  I had introduced solids by that point, but my first was an active nurser until about 2 weeks before I gave birth to #2, and then one night she pulled off, looked at me, pointed to her crib, and that was it.  That was the first night she didn't nurse to sleep, and she never asked for it again, even when the new babe was nursing constantly in front of her 2 weeks later.  I think this might be unusual, but if you have a pretty good milk supply going into pregnancy, you're in reasonably good health, and you take good care to keep your healthy, natural-fat foods and high-protein foods up, I think you can stay pretty healthy.  I was 38 when #2 was born. 

I would be more concerned about what will be expected of you right away post-partum.  I had a way easier second birth, but I was flattened by it in a way that never happened with the first - there's no "babymoon" if your partner is working and you need to get up and tend to a 16 or 17 month old toddler.  The first month was hard for me, and I struggled with body pain and utter exhaustion that made one kid seem like the easiest thing, but I haven't really regretted it since, other than feeling like maybe #2 missed out a bit on solo Mama time - her sister has been there every. single. second. of her life.  But they love each other, and now they are older, it is awesome to watch them together.  So I would say go for it! (after carefully considering all the wise points babysmurf made).  Another consideration would be if you think you could be prone to post-partum depression, I think having two kids so close together could really exacerbate a situation like that and it would be really really tough to get through.

post #16 of 39
Thread Starter 
Crashing welcome here as far as I'm concerned, so thanks for the response manysplinters and everyone else! I really appreciate all the things to take into consideration and the encouragement.

After a couple long discussions weighing the suggestions given here and elsewhere, we are planning to wait till Feb. to ttc. Genevieve will be 8 months by my fertile window. We'll deal with tenderness and supply issues if/when they arrive. Till then, I'll be trying to double my calorie intake to see if I can put on a bit more weight and get my nutrient stores up as best as I can in the next two months.

Thanks again for all the thoughts and support! It's been so helpful!
post #17 of 39
I'm so excited for you CrystalMarie!
post #18 of 39

Yes, keep us posted over here as you soon join another due date club!

post #19 of 39
Thread Starter 
Thanks Spotty & FarmerMomma! I'll let you guys know when I do. smile.gif
post #20 of 39
Thread Starter 
Um... ready or not here we come. We were apparently not careful enough, we weren't trying though. BFP today. Looks like there will be a September baby. I'm thrilled and doing everything I can to keep my milk supply up. Red raspberry tea, lots of good fats, motherhood more milk two (specially for milk production during pregnancy) , ridiculous amounts of water and trying to gain weight like a mad woman in hopes to not lose like I did 1st trimester with Genevieve. All advice welcome!
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