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Communication in the family

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

A few weeks ago my aunt told me my cousin has cancer, and wouldn't give me any details like what kind of cancer.  She's getting chemotherapy.  My aunt and uncle, cousin (solo single mom) and her child are pretty much the only family I have a relationship with, because everyone else is mentally ill.  I've tried to call and text my cousin a few times, and she texts back that she's busy and will call me soon.  OK, it's been weeks.  I'm getting shut out.  Is she dying?  She must be dying and doesn't want to talk about it.  My aunt and uncle actually just up and moved to her town.  I'm angry that no one is telling me anything, and then I feel guilty because why should I be angry, I'm not the one with cancer.  What should I expect to be told?  What can I do to offer help and support?  Does my cousin think I can't give her good emotional support?  Well, that's her choice if she doesn't want to tell me.  I have major abandonment / outcast issues and this sucks. 

post #2 of 4

I'd actually think that it had a good prognoses if you haven't been told, rather than thinking she was dying and didn't want to talk about it. Maybe it is something like endometrial cancer (uterus lining) and they feel embarrassed to talk about it in detail because people are weird when it comes to talking about the female reproductive system. Or maybe it was just a little spot of cancer on the skin. My grandfather had one of those on his nose removed, easy peasy.

 

It's annoying when people plunk news on you like that and don't give you any updates or details. I don't know what that's all about...

post #3 of 4
Thread Starter 

I don't know, my aunt said it was inoperable, and she was nearly in tears.  But I wonder if she was just being hysterical because this is her daughter and a cancer diagnosis is so upsetting to a parent.  Or is it really that bad?

post #4 of 4

I'm so sorry -- about your worries for your cousin, and about the history that makes the current circumstances more hurtful.  All you can do is let your cousin know you're there . . . and most important, be good to yourself.

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