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The Saner TTC and Graduates -- Cold Moon

post #1 of 226
Thread Starter 

Hello all and welcome!

The original "Sane 2ww" thread was started by zenquaker. This is a continuation of the "Sane 2ww" thread and we felt "A Saner TTC" was a natural evolution. Over time, many of those TTC among us have been successful, but neither us nor them are ready to say good bye to this Saner Sisterhood. For that reason, we've expanded this description to include both those currently TTC as well as the graduates in the group.

Here's the gist of the original thread: this is a space to re-conceive the 2ww as a time of waiting and contemplation. Although we don't judge those who wish to poas frequently, symptom-spot, or do chart analysis, this a space set apart from that activity. We share our thoughts about other ways to approach the 2ww and all parts of our cycles. We encourage each other to feel our feelings fully and to greet all possible outcomes with openness.


We also seek to approach our pregnancies with the same holistic calm, knowing that both growing a baby and being a woman are complex experiences that deserve our humility and reflection. As our babies grow into this world, we seek to hold the space for them within ourselves and the world around us, to make our spirits ready as our bodies are made ready.


We also remember that there is much to life outside our efforts toward procreation, and we enjoy sharing all of our journeys with those who share the space with us here.

We hope you'll join us.

post #2 of 226
post #3 of 226
Thinking of you today, Wengrin. Holding your hand in California.
post #4 of 226
Chourd - I'm glad you were able to come up with a game plan with your fertility specialist. Sounds like things are moving fast! Excellent! I understand that you're bummed about having to go the medicine route, I've felt that way before, too. I do things naturally in all other areas of my life, but when it comes to making babies, I am glad to have western medicine available to me. Acupuncture, Chinese medicine, and the like just weren't enough to make me a mama. So in cases like mine and yours and Oxfords, I say, Yay for the meds! Bring on the pokes and proddings!
post #5 of 226
Got confused but found my way here. Lol
post #6 of 226
Hi Chrissy!
Mamablue - thanks for understanding! I'm a lot stressed about side effects. I was wondering can you remember your times on clomid? He's got me on 2 x 2.5mg per day - quite a low dose, I've only taken one days worth so far and my ovaries are aching... Is this normal? Also I'm feeling mildly nauseous and feel like I'm going off food lol. I think the headache is my sinus. Sorry to ask, but in wondering if I need to drop the dose back further... This particular fs had one case that made the paper - one lady had 2 sets of quads with him, apparently she needed help to get pg but just an extremely low dose lol.
I really appreciate all of everyone's support, I'm having a hard time with it all as I'm not sure it feels right for me, and I'm thinking through how great my need to be a mum is.
Wengrin still sending you hugs.
Well ladies what's going on in your lives outside the womb? I hope you are all getting to have some fab time with family and friends
post #7 of 226

I have 50mg of clomid to start on Friday. I'm having follicle tracking to check how I respond. Maybe you can get some so that you can see the affect and feel more in control chuord?

Wengrin, I am obsessing about you. Seriously. My head is right with you. I really hope the procedure went smoothly and you are recovering well. Let's your family pamper you xxx

Hi to everyone else

Mamablue- are you ok? Xx
post #8 of 226
Chourd - Your dosage is not high, so your doctor is starting you in a good place. What you are feeling is not abnormal. Clomid can cause some icky side effects for many people, but remember you only have to take it for five days. You can do it, achy ovaries and all.
post #9 of 226
Thanks ladies - you're right mamablue I can do it, I was just worried about abnormal reactions... I'm so grateful to have the knowledge you have and to share this journey into meds with Oxford too. It really helps lol as I'm a scaredy cat with medical stuff lol.
Oxford I think he's not too worried about monitoring - in his mind this is the gap filler till next month... I'm hoping its the whole parade lol... Dh already has it in his diary which days to work on the baby lol, it may have something to do with what else we could spend the ivf cash on if we don't need to do it lol... Ok I'm almost back in the real world... It's my choice after all right!
Primal - have you had your scan?
Wengrin - big fat smoothie hugs and all your hormones recovering fast xxxx
Mamablue - how much longer of first trimester for you?
Oxford I'm even more impressed with your whole attitude now I have been through the reality myself (you too mama blue)
Faith, lovey everyone - how's life?
post #10 of 226
Chuord, it's still your choice. You can do 2 or more months of clomid if you decide to delay IVF. Relax and give yourself some space. Time is an issue but not the only issue, if you are feeling stressed then IVF or clomid have less chance of working. I feel happier now I'm taking steps and I have choices. My steps are a little differet as I have an issue to fix, however I am empowered and it feels good to get support and be moving again. You know that you gave plenty of time for natural remedies to work and they haven't, so you can be confident that you tried that route fully. I'm looking forward to my clomid and I will be right with you on the journey. Big hugs.

Mamablue- how are you feeling? I hope you are blooming :-)

Faith, primal- how are you?

Extra hugs to my friend wengrin. You are brave and wonderful. Be gentle with yourself xx
post #11 of 226
Thread Starter 

Hi, everyone! We're having such a busy week; our first OB appointment, plus getting ready to drive across the country (from mild NC into the snowy midwest!) to spend Christmas with our family. I'm still not done shopping (but mostly done), nothing is wrapped, and this week I've had the first round of symptoms that are intense enough to be bothersome (except not, because I'm really grateful that all is well so far).

We saw our OB on Tuesday. She was, by my estimation, a very new doctor. She was also very kind and respectful, and very natural-minded, which works well with us. She actually had her own baby at the birth center we worked with for our last DD. I think this bodes well for me having the options of some more natural practices, while overall having more medical options during this pregnancy and delivery. At the very least, I know she won't disdain my birth history or outlook.

We had a look with the bedside ultrasound. It wasn't fancy enough to give us accurate dating or much detailed information, but it did show a little bean right around the right size with a flickering heartbeat. We were so relieved, even though I really felt strongly that this one was going to be okay. So, I'm diving in now. Thinking of myself as pregnant, not maybe-pregnant. I told my mom and my boss (because I'm seriously starting to pudge out, and very soon I'll be fooling no one). We got more maternity clothes (I gave all mine away after the last one, since I was unsure if I'd be having more). I also put up a Facebook announcement. It was a poignant convergence, because the visit was a day before the due date of my lost pregnancy from earlier this year. I felt the need to speak to both things:

"I am going to try to do this with as little melodrama as possible. Today would have been my due date if we hadn't lost our pregnancy in May. Right now I would be holding Oliver or Aria, or Samson or Riona.

When I think about that empty bubble, I think of this poem:

"This is the creature there has never been.
They never knew it, and yet, none the less,
they loved the way it moved, its suppleness,
its neck, its very gaze, mild and serene.

Not there, because they loved it, it behaved
as though it were. They always left some space.
And in that clear unpeopled space they saved
it lightly reared its head, with scarce a trace

of not being there. They fed it, not with corn,
but only with the possibility
of being. And that was able to confer

such strength, its brow put forth a horn. One horn.
Whitely it stole up to a maid - to be
within the silver mirror and in her."
Rainer Maria Rilke

We loved it so much.

Yesterday, with the ultrasound's wand, we saw the beating heart of the baby I am carrying now. He was kind of smooshed and shrimp-like, but I could definitely tell that he was the noblest of the shrimps, a prince among sea monkeys. And he had that beautiful beating heart.

I know that he'll live. I am so certain.

Welcome baby. It might be intimidating at first. There are a bunch of you, but don't be scared. You will always have somewhere soft and warm to sleep. You'll always have enough to eat. You'll always have the best of our wisdom, and the freedom to seek and find your own better wisdom.

This is a good place. Family matters to us, and you matter to us. Your siblings will go nuts when they meet you. We all just can't wait.

So, hang in there, tiny little heartbeat. We so much want to meet you formally, look in your eyes and learn your name. You are so welcome here.

We already love you so much."


post #12 of 226
Oh, primaljoy, that is really heartwarming!
Here i sit at approximately 5 weeks, and i don't "feel pregnant". I had a little nausea a few days ago but that's it. This is my first and i am so excited to be carrying the new life, but there's that doubt and uncertainty that anyone is really in there. The Dr won't see me until eleven weeks. Did any of you feel like this?
post #13 of 226
Wengrin - I hope you are home and snuggled up on the couch with a cozy blanket and a cup of tea. I hope your body is recovering and that the healing of your heart can soon begin.

Primal - Lovely, lovely words. Truly heartwarming. I love the peace you feel and the positive outlook just radiates from off the screen. Congratulations on a happy ultrasound.

Lovely - The way you are feeling is completely normal. Soon you may be feeling the intensity of morning sickness that makes everything seems so real. Soon you will not be able to sleep on your tummy because it feels like you are sleeping on a baseball. It will come.

Oxford - How are theses temps? What dpo are you?

AFM - Hanging in there are 9w3d. Still having light spotting, although it's been only been brown for a few days. It does not worry me anymore. I think the placenta has started to begin to take over, because my breast tenderness and intense bloating have lightened up. I'm feeling just a little tenderness and my bloating isn't nearly as uncomfortable. This is all so new to me, as I have always been completely miserable from morning sickness from 7-12 weeks with it fading by 16 weeks. The way I feel now, although it's sorta crummy, is a walk in the park compared to that. It's making it easier for me to take care of my family, but I do admit and it is also making me nervous. Nervousness like I've never felt in any other pregnancy. I wish I could shake it, but worry keeps trying to take over my thoughts. I think much of my worry stems from thinking about my SIL and her numerous recent losses, because I see how much pain it causes her. I think my worry about this pregnancy is my defense mechanism kicking in. This is not like me at all, and I am frustrated by the negativity. I am someone who looks for the good in things. My first official OB appt is next Monday, and I'm betting that if that scan goes well, my fears will largely dissipate.
post #14 of 226
Primal - magical!! I agree with lovely and mamablue - your faith and love in this baby are tangible... What's more it's contagious and inspiring... Thank you for that. The transformation over the last several months from the primal who was so hurt you could tell she had no trust left to give to ttc, to the embodiment of a positive Mother Earth - helps heal me too... Again I thank you...
Lovely - from what I remember from the journeys of others in various forums you are in that inbetween place - as mamablue says soon you will start to really notice, but for now it's like that baby is in stealth mode... Hang in there, most people wonder during this time - but often all is well. If in a few weeks you are worried and let your doc know they maybe will see you earlier? Any tricks for that ladies?
Mamablue - hugs!! I wonder what changes you have made to your diet and nutrition since your last pg? I'm sure it would make a difference to the level of symptoms - you know less wiped out because you are constantly replacing the nutrients in you that baby is borrowing?
post #15 of 226

I appreciate your perspective, chuord and mamablue!  My husband is happy about the pregnancy (of course) and the only other people who know are my therapist and my fitness trainer.  It's definitely not time to tell our families.  We're seeing my in-laws at Christmas and I doubt my husband's secret-keeping ability, so we'll see.  I'm subscribing to this thread so I can keep up better. 

post #16 of 226
Quick one.

Primal- so glad you are contented :-)

Mamablue- good to hear your symptoms are mild. Hang in there with the nerves and let your little one grown enough to give you more hassle ;-). I'm looking forward to your appointment for you. I hope it brings you peace.

Afm- it's 15dpo today. AF should arrive tomorrow
post #17 of 226
The strange thing is, I don't have the usual pre AF symptoms, which could be one of 3 things... 1) I'm pregnant. Yay! 2) the drugs have settled my hormones so that I have a smooth glide into it 3) I'm not going to start and I will have a crazy ling cycle again :-(
I hope it's 2 or 1.

Good night y'all.
post #18 of 226
I'm hoping for one or two as week Oxford - fx for you!
Btw lol I got it mixed up I'm on letrozole not clomid (apparently does the same thing but doesn't linger in the system)
post #19 of 226
Thread Starter 
Hoping for the best of those options for you, Oxford! You and Chuord are next!

My only advice for you Lovely is to distract yourself as much as you can, and just recognize that it's out of your hands now. It's also true statistically that the odds are in favor of things being okay (though I find that statistics are pretty worthless on an individual basis). I think the main thing is to realize that there's just not much value to worry or self-protection here. If things go wrong, it will hurt no matter what, so I am in favor of trying to seek whatever joy you can in the situation. Also, although I'm still early, I will say that I was almost seven weeks before I got noticeable symptoms. Just some bloating before then, which could have just as easily been Thanksgiving over indulgence. Every pregnancy is different, and some don't seem to make themselves felt as much as others. Just eat well and stay active and be good to yourself while the time passes.
post #20 of 226
Excellent advice, Primal. I've given similar advice to friends in the past, and I certainly should be following it, too. xoxo
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