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Desperate for help, I'm falling apart as a AP mom!

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 
A year ago would never imagine yelling to my child or holding him just a little to tight. Now he has pushes button I didn't know I had. My DS is almost 5 and yes there has been a lot of changes in past year for him, new sister, less attention from us as well the universe doesn't revolve around him anymore, dropping a nap (he still sleeps a solid 12 hours at night) starting school which comes with a lot of new adults in his life and exposure to a lot of new things that he in a AP, tv free home wouldn't get.

I totally understand the changes and of course the come with behaviors, but I feel it's getting excessive as it seems that any moment not spend one on one engaged in a fun activity ends up in a outburst. My DH and I are just at he end of our rope and just don't know what to do. I can be very understanding and patience, but enough is enough, I'm tip toeing trough my day, being creative, always trying to be one step ahead to avoid a meld down. I'm just plain exhausted!

It will start with getting dressed in the morning, he now has clothing issues and yes I tried to be understanding and bought him clothing that he likes the feel off, try making it fun by having races or pretending to do a clothing change magic tricks, helping him, but in the end it still takes at least 20min and then I still have to get his baby ready. Any meal is very messy and usually ends with him running away from the table waiting to be chased which I never do and him the wiping his dirty hands and mouth on my couch instead of the washcloth waiting for I'm in the kitchen. Getting dressed in snowsuit for the school bus or in the weekend outside play ( in hope to burn of some engery) takes at least 20 min with no matter how many times I tell him if he tells me with calm word if he needs help with tugging in pants or anything I will always help in, but no it end with him in tears, yelling and just loosing it of course by now I start loosing it too! And so the day goes on, he will knock over his baby, yell at her, just without any reason throwing toys, yelling, shooting me ( this is new since school, I think he still doesn't know the word gun) stomping on the stairs, slamming doors ( we live in an attached house so I feel super embarrassed to our neighbors. I do make lots of time for him to be one on one, doing things he chooses to do, try and evolve him into my jobs, but I just can't do it 24/7 as I have another little one that needs my attention.

In the last little why is anxiety also sky rocketed, being afraid of loud noises, darkness, that there is a supply teacher, etc.

I feel like I do the best I can always havin had predictable routines, try to have plenty of active and down activities, but I just feel lost right now. I used to cherish my smart creative, sensitive boy, now I need to look really hard to see some of those great qualities.

Sorry I turned out such a long note, I just don't know where else to tell my story.
post #2 of 4

Hi DutchAnna ~

 

I think a lot of people confuse 'Attachment Parenting' with a parenting style that has a specific list of guidelines you must follow. Before it got its fancy title, it simply meant parenting from the heart--listening to your own instincts rather than listening to the pushy advice of your mother in law, your doctor, your neighbor, the lady at the grocery store, your best friend's cousin, etc, etc. It sounds like your heart is in a tough place right now, but don't give up on yourself. You're a good mom, you love your kids and you are trying to do right by them. You shouldn't confuse your feelings of guilt with falling off the 'AP' wagon. All parents have their own set of challenges when it come to raising their children. We are all unsure of ourselves at times, and there are many occasions when we know we could have handled a situation A LOT better. Kids go through some fazes that seem to never end, and some times you just have to have saint-like patience, and wait them out. 

 

It sounds like your boy is going through a lot of changes right now; kindergarden, new baby sister, etc. Every child will handle those changes in a different way. I think continuing to be patient with him is your best course of action. I don't know if this is practical or not, but kindergarden may not be the best option for him right now. You may consider homeschooling him his first year, (if possible, of course) and reevaluating him next fall. Too many other influences over him right now might be making things worse. If he were to be home all day, you could ignore certain behaviors that you just can't when he's on a schedule. You could let him figure out how to clothe himself for instants, even if it takes  him half an hour. Maybe it's time for a washable cover over the sofa, and then ignore his dirty hand prints for the time being--that may just run its corse :) One of our favorite sayings in our house is 'pick your battles'. I am a 'work at home mom' who home schools three little ones, and I choose to ignore many of their behavior issues, rather than let a battle pursue--unless of course they are endangering themselves or their siblings. we have found that many issues dry up if they are simply ignored. 

 

One last thing, I don't know if he sleeps in his own bed or not, but I find that cuddling all night long with my kids can go a long way toward mending conflicts or tension from the day prior--for both parties.

 

I'm new to this forum--it just seemed like you might like some reassurance that you are not alone in the struggles of parenthood. 

 

Harmony

post #3 of 4

HBarron, I really appreciated what you said in your post.  I need to cut it out and paste it somewhere I can see it every day.

 

"parenting from the heart--listening to your own instincts rather than listening to the pushy advice of your mother in law, your doctor, your neighbor, the lady at the grocery store, your best friend's cousin, etc, etc. ....."

 

"You're a good mom, you love your kids and you are trying to do right by them. You shouldn't confuse your feelings of guilt with falling off the 'AP' wagon. All parents have their own set of challenges when it come to raising their children. We are all unsure of ourselves at times, and there are many occasions when we know we could have handled a situation A LOT better. " 

 

I know you weren't writing it to me, but I needed to hear that today.  Thanks!

post #4 of 4

Hi Greenmama13 ~ 

 

Sometimes it's just nice to hear somebody say out loud, what you already know to be true :)

 

I'm so happy that my words touched you -- Merry Christmas to you and yours.

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