June 2014 Due Date Club
Where will you give birth? - Page 2
We're planning our fourth home birth, and I have to say I'm in a similar situation with not being completely at-ease with our plan this time around. Our first two home births were amazing, and I found myself missing that MW so much during my last pregnancy, especially during labor.
I have had positive and negative experiences both at home and in the hospital. No matter where you birth, it is important to trust your own instincts and make your wishes clear! This is our fifth pregnancy & baby. I had a traumatic experience during DD4's labor and delivery (the only traumatic experience I've had in any setting, and it was with [new-to-me] CPMs at home), and I believe it contributed to my PPDepression. I plan to (finally) write out my birth story and go over it, noting all of the details that I would like to have more control over/change. I'll use this to write up a birth plan to share with my MWs. I think writing out my worries/concerns could help me to feel less anxious as well. It might help you, too, @Mozado8210 I also think a doula is helpful in any location, especially when you have other children.
Here's a little about our hospital experience, which was overwhelmingly positive.
Hospital: DD1 was born at a hospital in a garden tub that was in our birthing suite (all L&D rooms had these tubs, bathrooms, and pull-out sleepers/rocking chairs for DP to room in). The official hospital policy was no birthing in the water, but the administrator had birthed her baby in the water, so this policy was largely ignored. Attended by an OB/GYN-turned CNM (went to midwifery school following OB training) and a wonderfully attentive doula. There were aspects I hadn't been prepared for that would have improved our experience, but I have to say that the only intervention that was pushed on me was the manual breaking of my waters (I was 10 cm and 12 hours into labor and they wanted to check for meconium before allowing the water birth). I had no IV or heplock, no pitocin, etc, no pain meds of any kind.
Things I would have been vocal about in my birth plan:
- Umbilical cord not cut until after placenta was delivered, option to take my placenta home. Newborn procedures delayed until I could supervise/at least be present. (DD1 was whisked away before I exited the tub and moved to the bed to deliver the placenta. DH followed DD, but he felt torn as to which of us he should join)
- NO restriction on bathroom use. I felt like I had to trick the nurses that I "only" needed to urinate to be allowed in the bathroom. (I knew I needed to poop -- no, really. I ended up pooping in the birth tub.)
- I would have brought an easily removable bikini top and demanded it be left in place. SOOO many extra people wandering into my "suite" and I was not allowed to wear a top, just drape wet hand towels across my chest. It was distracting during the pushing stage.
- *I also was allowed no water or food throughout my labor, would have loved to sneak in some snacks, had I known!
I don't know, yet. I'm kind of worried about it, but I have so many other things to worry about that it's been moved to the back burner.
I am currently signed up with the midwives at UCSD. Not really happy with them, but I've only had two appointments. The second appointment was with a fill-in midwife. I could tell she hadn't been as institutionalized, yet. I also do not like the idea of it being "any" midwife there. So far there hasn't been any continuity of care.
I need to move, so that will change things dramatically.
I am considering moving in with my parents for a while and that leaves a lot of stuff in the air since they live several hours away. I don't know how things are going to turn out with my boyfriend who is less near-hubby than ever.
I think I would like a birth center, but have not gotten around to talking to them, especially since any move with mean a dramatic location change. If I move with BF, we have a lead on an OB/Gyn who is a "MD" (mid-wife in disguise). That would be an acceptable compromise if all other needs are met. Right now I'm holding back the fears of being a single mom in a strained-custody situation living partially with my parents who are clueless and less than supportive of my instincts. This is very different from the situation I try to hold in my mind to push forth the power of positive thought and excellent intention.
How soon do I really need to make such decisions? Obviously preparation is key and sooner is better, but . . . .
@Mozado- I'm sorry you're feeling bummed about your hospital birth! In all honesty, I'd probably be really upset if circumstances forced me to birth at the hospital. BUT, like other ladies have shared, you can have a great hospital birth! I'd work on a birth plan to make you're really clear about what you want (and don't want) this time around. And again, a doula sounds like a great support person to have with you.
Keep in mind that I haven't even found a MW I like yet, but I do have a couple leads on some doulas. I'm going to a CD class at a local yoga/mommy studio that has a lot of offerings and there is a post-partum doula there. I think it'll be a good place for leads.
Also, I chatted with my dog-nail trimmer and she knows of a massage therapist/doula (or she also PP?) who is due at the moment, but will be back at work soon enough for my due date.
UCSD offers free doulas, but I think you are stuck with whoever you get assigned day-of, kinda like their MWs which is why one reason I want to switch. They are volunteers (and that also has me nervous).
I would ask around at the studios/classes that offer prenatal yoga, the prenatal massage place, etc. I still haven't been able to attend anything for the other preggos in the area or I'd be picking their brains, too. Maybe put something up on FB if you're telling people. No one wants to offer information on my thread until I start pleading for help, then it starts coming out of the woodwork like crazy.
Hope this spurs some ideas.
Probably on my couch. For some reason, it's my laboring-comfort spot. DS1 was born in the bathroom while I was squatting at the sink, DS2 came really quickly, so much so he made his appearance before our midwife,while lying on the couch on my side, and DS3 was born on the same couch on hands and knees. I'm really curious to see what position this labor puts me in.
Was getting ready to go to sleep and checked my pregnancy app. In an article about things you should know about doulas they mentioned this site:
I just checked and there are a ridiculous number of doulas in the SD area so I'll be going with local recommendations to start, I think. I believe there may even be some listed on Yelp, btw.
The article I stumbled across this in is: http://www.health-and-parenting.com/5-facts-doulas/
Not sure how good the recommendation is, but since I happened across it doing something else, I figured the universe was sending a signal to check it out. Let me know if/how it helps or not at all. There are plenty of cities that just list one or two, but taking a look at the offerings in San Diego is enough to see how overwhelmed we are. It was a surprise to me!
I had an excellent doula for my first (hospital, OB) birth, and then didn't for my 2nd birth - but did have 2 midwives who served a bit as doulas. I highly recommend having one if you can, and if cost is an issue, doulas are often willing to barter for other services (sometimes midwives too, if you're in a place where healthcare or insurance won't cover it). Additionally, doulas-in-training are great, but have lower fees as they have to attend a certain number of births to receive their certifications. DH nearly had to travel last minute (at 37.5wks) when I was pregnant with DD, and I said he could go if his boss paid for a doula! They didn't end up having to travel after all -- the client wasn't available for the event, so DH stayed home, but it was interesting that his boss and a co-worker both said 'yeah, sure, whatever, we'll pay for that ... let's go to California!" :P
Our doula with our first, also taught our childbirth class, and gave us a bit of a friend/bundle price! We did our class with just ourselves and my best friend & her hubby, a semi-private class isn't much more costly than a group one :) Many birth doulas offer other services - placenta encapsulation, birth photography, birth-story-writing (from their perspective), childbirth classes, breastfeeding support/help, post-partum doula helps etc, so if you think you'll want to take advantage of many things, it's nice to find one doula to offer you package pricing on all the things you'd like!
www.doulamatch.net is another source.
As of decisions made this week, we should be having baby #2 at home. (Fingerscrossedknockonwoodthrowsaltoveryourshoulder) My first was an overwhelmingly positive hospital birth assisted by a CNM and awesome nurses, but my current insurance won't cover that hospital or ANY midwives. If we had never switched insurance, I would have never given a thought to a homebirth (that's how much I LOVE those hospital midwives!). They were also a team of 8 midwives, and I ended up having a midwife at the birth that I hadn't met prior, but she was exactly what I needed. For me, it was very much about the model of care (versus the medical model), and knowing that they worked together, they hopefully were coming from a similar place philosophically. I felt I could trust all of them more than I could trust all the of the doctors at my primary care clinic.
Checked out the birth center at the hospital and will decidedly *not* be giving birth there. I kept telling myself, "I could do this if I had to" and appeared calm, but as I walked away from the hospital and called BF, I kinda lost it a bit. I started shaking and crying. So, it looks like I've got some PTSD. Good thing we have two private birth centers (one of which we've visited) and some possibility of a homebirth (although I have not reviewed all the options/finances). The birth center I have yet to check out also does homebirth. Wondering if that will change things. The article about birth options around the country shook me quite a bit and I want to know what options I have, feeling very fortunate to be here in SoCal.
I sent the check and the paperwork out for the doula so I'm hoping she'll be able to do a little hand-holding with this and keep me on track. We have until 28 weeks to decide on the one birth center. The other I have yet to tour/talk to. A few days ago as I looked around this awesome house and back yard I thought, "Yes, I could definitely have our baby here" and have fantasized a little about it (but not too much as to get my hopes up).
And that is my progress report. Any thoughts?
It's in Irvine. I'm in San Diego. Best Start and Birth Roots are the two I know about here, aside from the hospital ones. One of my big issues with the hospital ones is that they are located in the hospital, without access to the outdoors. Birth Roots does not take Medi-Cal according to their website. I'm not sure what insurance I am using for birth as I have Medi-Medi, but I think it falls to Medi-Cal. If this is true, it may be worth having almost everything done by the regular midwives and try to sneak in an at-home midwife toward the end, but would need to find one comfortable with such an arrangement. I have a couple contacts. I think fear is just holding me back from finding out more. Time to saddle up.
Best Start is supposedly the only place in SoCal to do water births aside from at-home water births. Their building is a rather musty smelling and the one room we could see that could be available was way too small and claustrophobic to me. They also seemed to have a lot of hospital-like rules that made me nervous. They do have two OBs they work with in regular hospital (not UCSD, which may be a good thing) in case there is a case they can't handle.
Birth Roots doesn't take MediCal so I think they would out-of-pocket which means it may be better to go for a homebirth, if I can get the money together.
I want it to be a regular day/days for the most part. It's already too stressful IMO. The place that makes me feel less stressed will be the right fit and I'm willing to start pitching for the financial assistance if it comes to that. We'll work on the PTSD stuff at some point, but I don't want to force resolutions before birth. Too much pressure!
I guess my doula is really going to be earning her fee!