or Connect
Mothering › Groups › July 2014 Due Date Club › Discussions › Is anyone else expecting a Rainbow baby?

Is anyone else expecting a Rainbow baby?

post #1 of 41
Thread Starter 

We are.  We lost our 3rd baby in April 2013 and today I am 11wks.  I lost Faith at 10weeks, so I'm breathing a little easier today :)

 

Anybody else want to share their story?

post #2 of 41

Yes! I am! I suffered an ectopic loss this past July.  I made it to just about 9 weeks before it really became obvious and not just a little spotting.  I found out through ultrasound.  I was alone.  The next couple of months were some of the hardest as my body healed. I had no idea what to expect and the whole process took forever, or so it felt like. I had to return for blood work repeatedly.  I just wanted to move on.

 

I'm approaching 9 weeks again! At 6 weeks we confirmed that this baby is located where it should be.  We also were blessed to see a strong heartbeat.   I've been sick non-stop.  My boobs and my belly are growing.  It has been SO SO different this time.  Last time I had very few symptoms.  

 

BUT I AM STILL A STINKING WRECK!  

 

In fact, Christmas day marks 63 days since my last period.  Thats exactly when we discovered my loss.  My husbands wants to tell our children and friends on that day and I'm a nervous wreck. 

 

That baby should have been our 4th child.  I'm finding I'd rather ignore the holidays.  I'm desperately trying to celebrate this new life.  But I'm just a wreck.

 

What can ya do?

post #3 of 41

I'm with you ladies.  This is my third pregnancy, the first 2 ended in miscarriage earlier this year (February and July) at 9 weeks and 10 weeks, though I got an u/s after I started bleeding both times, and the babies measured 3 weeks smaller.  It was likely due to low progesterone, and this time I supplemented from when I got the positive until this week.  I was a complete mess up until a week ago or so despite going to therapy once a week and getting acupuncture weekly too.  My anxiety lessened significantly when we did an u/s at 9 weeks (sole purpose of calming my mind, though I was sure the baby was dead again).  Then I had a bleed at almost 10 weeks, and went to the ER but saw the baby was fine again via u/s.  Now I'm feeling more confident, though I am nervous about stopping my progesterone even though I've been assured it will be fine.  I just want to feel like a normal pregnant person and I'm excited to not be using the pills as a crutch for hte pregnancy anymore, so I am just hoping I don't have any weird issues as I come off the progesterone now.  I could get my levels checked, but I don't think I am going to since it might just make me worry more, and I really don't want to be on the progesterone through the whole pregnancy.  That is my story.  I'd love to connect with others who are experiencing pregnancy after loss.  It really does change the experience.

post #4 of 41
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommaCrystal View Post
 

Yes! I am! I suffered an ectopic loss this past July.  I made it to just about 9 weeks before it really became obvious and not just a little spotting.  I found out through ultrasound.  I was alone.  The next couple of months were some of the hardest as my body healed. I had no idea what to expect and the whole process took forever, or so it felt like. I had to return for blood work repeatedly.  I just wanted to move on.

 

I'm approaching 9 weeks again! At 6 weeks we confirmed that this baby is located where it should be.  We also were blessed to see a strong heartbeat.   I've been sick non-stop.  My boobs and my belly are growing.  It has been SO SO different this time.  Last time I had very few symptoms.  

 

BUT I AM STILL A STINKING WRECK!  

 

In fact, Christmas day marks 63 days since my last period.  Thats exactly when we discovered my loss.  My husbands wants to tell our children and friends on that day and I'm a nervous wreck. 

 

That baby should have been our 4th child.  I'm finding I'd rather ignore the holidays.  I'm desperately trying to celebrate this new life.  But I'm just a wreck.

 

What can ya do?

 

Crystal, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I really understand your pain and know how lost you feel.  

 

My due date was Nov 3rd and it was so hard.  Even harder for some reason was decorating for Christmas.  She was supposed to be here and I was supposed to be buying her a Baby's First Christmas ornament.  Instead, I bought an In Memorial one :(  

 

If I may take a guess, I bet your husband wants to cheer you up by putting you around people who will be thrilled about your pregnancy.  I understand your hesitancy.  I was happy to share with most of my family (we're sharing with the extended family at my brother's wedding Jan 3rd and I'll be 12.75 weeks).  However, I have not seen a care provider yet.  I feel pretty sure that when the MW checks me the baby will be dead.  I have a consult with a MW on the 31st, so I'm trying to get some nerve up.  

 

Praying for you mama *hugs*

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Margo Nelson View Post
 

I'm with you ladies.  This is my third pregnancy, the first 2 ended in miscarriage earlier this year (February and July) at 9 weeks and 10 weeks, though I got an u/s after I started bleeding both times, and the babies measured 3 weeks smaller.  It was likely due to low progesterone, and this time I supplemented from when I got the positive until this week.  I was a complete mess up until a week ago or so despite going to therapy once a week and getting acupuncture weekly too.  My anxiety lessened significantly when we did an u/s at 9 weeks (sole purpose of calming my mind, though I was sure the baby was dead again).  Then I had a bleed at almost 10 weeks, and went to the ER but saw the baby was fine again via u/s.  Now I'm feeling more confident, though I am nervous about stopping my progesterone even though I've been assured it will be fine.  I just want to feel like a normal pregnant person and I'm excited to not be using the pills as a crutch for hte pregnancy anymore, so I am just hoping I don't have any weird issues as I come off the progesterone now.  I could get my levels checked, but I don't think I am going to since it might just make me worry more, and I really don't want to be on the progesterone through the whole pregnancy.  That is my story.  I'd love to connect with others who are experiencing pregnancy after loss.  It really does change the experience.

 

O mama, I'm so sorry for all your losses :(  I'm happy to hear that baby is still doing well with this pregnancy.  I can only imagine that your stress and anxiety is sky high and will be for at least a few more weeks.  I completely understand your hesitancy to stop the progesterone.  I have a friend who has to take it for I believe the first 13 weeks of every pregnancy.  If it were me, I would get my levels checked, but I totally know that you don't want to b/c it may bring more horrible news.  

 

Praying for you mama.  I hope we can all keep this discussion going as we go thru these new feelings :)

post #5 of 41

So good to hear what others are going through.  I got a doppler in the mail yesterday and found baby's heartbeat easily.  It was super reassuring.  I am really wary of doppler and ultrasound risks, so I didn't choose to get one lightly, and hope to only use it in moments of desperation until I can feel baby and listen with a fetoscope instead.  Of course, then I woke up today and had a watery brown spotting episode.  Still can hear the heartbeat though, so hoping it is just normal.  Going to have my progesterone levels checked on Thursday to get some peace of mind!  I honestly really really hate all of this, and wish I could have that innocence back!  Hope everyone else is doing well <3  

post #6 of 41
Thread Starter 

So happy to hear that baby is still doing well :D

 

I completely understand about missing the innocence of it.  I miss that too so much!

post #7 of 41
I went maternity clothes shopping last night. I had a mini breakdown in the changing room. I was terrified to plunk money down for clothes. The last time I did (just a pair of shorts at that time) I lost the baby. I think I scared my hubby. Poor guy.
post #8 of 41

I totally understand MommaCrystal.  There are so many reminders of previous losses, and it can sneak up on you which ones will make you lose it and which won't.    

How are you doing Smidge?

I did get my progesterone levels done and they are in range for the lab I used  (17.8), but on the lower side as far as I have read.  I'm not too worried though.  Just going to switch to over the counter prog cream and maybe get it checked again in a few weeks, or just quit the prog when I stop being so worried, who knows.  Hoping this is the last big "thing" to be anxious about!

post #9 of 41
Thread Starter 

MommaCrystal, I'm so sorry.  Nothing like breaking down in public.  ((hugs))

 

Margo, I'm so glad your levels are w/in normal :)

 

I'm doing okay.  Each and every time I use the bathroom, I am sure there will be blood in my underwear.  It wears on me :(  My hubby is also acting non-committal about our Birth Center/MW interview on the 31st.  He's the one with ALL the concerns, but is refusing to write any questions down.  Grrrrrr.   Trying to stay positive about it.

post #10 of 41

Yes the bathroom wipe!  I am convinced, CONVINCED every single time I potty that I'll see red, or brown.  UGH! 

post #11 of 41
Thread Starter 

I feel a little better tonight.  Hubbs took me out for Red Robin and then some Value Village shopping.  I got about 20 pieces of baby clothing.  It was wonderful to shop, but I got home and felt a little anxious about it.  Trying to stay positive...seems a little impossible sometimes.

post #12 of 41
I had an early loss @ 4-5wks in Feb. I at 12wks now with this rainbow baby. I'm having a really hard time despite insane morning sickness/fatigue/hunger etc feeling like this baby is real/going to be okay... I don't feel at all connected to this baby, can't see it in the future, can't at all see what the birth might be like/have a hard to thinking of what I want birth wise, haven't had any dreams about having the baby or even being pregnant.... & that all worries me as I had all those things with my 3 boys... I've been trying to figure out if my mind is trying to tell me something or I'm just having a hard time connecting because I'm scared of losing the baby again... So I just called and left message for my Dr. requesting the form to get to get an early ultrasound after all... She had offered at my first appointment and I turned it down ( I try to avoid them) as I thought I would just wait till 10wks to hear the heartbeat and that would be enough to set my mind at ease.... Only she couldn't find the heartbeat... I know they don't always find it that early and I have a hernia that might be getting in the way.... But it still shook me as with my 3 boys it was super easy to find it at 10wks and I was really counting on it to set my mind at ease. So I'm really hoping she will send me to the ultrasound, that everything will be okay and I can get to enjoying this pregnancy.
Edited by OSTC - 12/30/13 at 3:36pm
post #13 of 41
Thread Starter 

((Hugs)) Mama.  This journey is so hard.  I hope your ultrasound goes swimmingly.  I'm sure it will put your mind at ease and you'll likely start feeling connected <3

post #14 of 41
Thank you Smidge smile.gif I got a call back from the doctors office and they booked me in for next Friday the 10th so I'm very relieved that it wasn't a problem and that I will hopefully have some peace of mind before a big family gathering on the 12th where I know I will get asked about being pregnant a lot... Sucky news today though that I'm on the wait list for a midwife which means I won't get one unless they are able to hire another one... Had an amazing pain free home birth last time around and there is no way I want to go back to the hospital!
post #15 of 41

I'll be thinking of you and your appointment OSTC.

post #16 of 41
Thank you MommaCrystal smile.gif
post #17 of 41

We are also having a Rainbow baby.  This is our 5th pregnancy.  We have a healthy 6 yr old boy and 3 yr old girl, but lost one baby in 2010 (at about 5-6 weeks) and then this September at around 7 weeks.  We found out 2 months to the day after our most recent miscarriage that we are pregnant again.  I still haven't decided if that is good or bad (the date we found out), but I'm leaning toward good despite the emotions.  I'm so, so glad we didn't follow everyone's advice to wait a while before ttc again.  Not that we were actively trying, b/c that was too painful emotionally.  But, we just chose not to prevent or worry about it.  So, our new little surprise is such a ray of hope and blessing for us.

 

I too, like many of you, have had a lot of spotting.  From about 5 weeks to 10 weeks along I had spotting and cramping and had to be on near complete bed rest.  That was rough.  It was hard to be willing to bond with the new baby for fear of loss again.  And I'm still really tired ALL the time and need lots of rest.  This has been my hardest pregnancy so far.  But, this is also the first pregnancy for which I have been thankful for so much morning (all day) sickness!  Every time I feel nauseated, I thank God because it gives me some reassurance that baby is probably just fine.

 

We met with our homebirth midwife for our 12 week appt on Friday.  Everything is looking great!  She even found baby's heartbeat with the doppler.  I almost cried.  I didn't realize how afraid I still was about losing this little blessing.  But now I have heard a strong heartbeat (150s-160s) and know all is well.  I'm so thankful.

post #18 of 41
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by HomesteadMomma View Post
 

We are also having a Rainbow baby.  This is our 5th pregnancy.  We have a healthy 6 yr old boy and 3 yr old girl, but lost one baby in 2010 (at about 5-6 weeks) and then this September at around 7 weeks.  We found out 2 months to the day after our most recent miscarriage that we are pregnant again.  I still haven't decided if that is good or bad (the date we found out), but I'm leaning toward good despite the emotions.  I'm so, so glad we didn't follow everyone's advice to wait a while before ttc again.  Not that we were actively trying, b/c that was too painful emotionally.  But, we just chose not to prevent or worry about it.  So, our new little surprise is such a ray of hope and blessing for us.

 

I too, like many of you, have had a lot of spotting.  From about 5 weeks to 10 weeks along I had spotting and cramping and had to be on near complete bed rest.  That was rough.  It was hard to be willing to bond with the new baby for fear of loss again.  And I'm still really tired ALL the time and need lots of rest.  This has been my hardest pregnancy so far.  But, this is also the first pregnancy for which I have been thankful for so much morning (all day) sickness!  Every time I feel nauseated, I thank God because it gives me some reassurance that baby is probably just fine.

 

We met with our homebirth midwife for our 12 week appt on Friday.  Everything is looking great!  She even found baby's heartbeat with the doppler.  I almost cried.  I didn't realize how afraid I still was about losing this little blessing.  But now I have heard a strong heartbeat (150s-160s) and know all is well.  I'm so thankful.

 

This brought tears to my eyes.  I feel the same way <3

 

Yay for hearing the heartbeat!  We are interviewing our Birth Center MW in 2 hours and I'm going to beg her to find a heartbeat for me before we leave.  I haven't had any appts yet, so this one seems so monumental!

post #19 of 41
Thread Starter 

I cried the happy tears tonight mamas :D  We went in for our Birth Center/MW interview and it went better than I ever expected.  It essentially came down to my husband asking "Why should we have the baby here and not just at home?", at which point I about crapped a brick.  My husband has been soooooo anxious about anything except a hospital for years.  For this to happen is so monumental.  I cried those ugly, but so wonderful tears tonight when he said "Go ahead and book your first appt, I want us to have a homebirth".

 

Our MW is perfect for us.  She's warm and kind (for me) and logical and honest (for hubby).  God has answered my prayers and I feel so at ease.  I can't wait to really bond with the baby thru the next 6 months.

 

During the interview I felt a rush of emotions like I hadn't anticipated.  I kept thinking of our Angel, I kept praying that I wouldn't cry spontaneously, and that all would go well.  As soon as our MW started talking about the possibility of my husband catching the baby, I burst into tears.  I couldn't contain it.  I felt foolish, but it was okay.  I'm coping with what should have been and moving on with what will be :)

 

Sorry to ramble, I just had to share with you girls b/c I knew you'd understand :)

post #20 of 41
That's awesome that you were able to hear your baby's heartbeat homesteadmomma smile.gif

Smidge I'm so happy that you are getting to birth the way you want with a mw who your comfortable with. That is such a blessing smile.gif were you able to hear the heartbeat?
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: July 2014 Due Date Club
Mothering › Groups › July 2014 Due Date Club › Discussions › Is anyone else expecting a Rainbow baby?