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Finding balance

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

My dh often complains that we do too much for our children.  I was wondering how others balance kid wants/needs versus adult wants/needs? 

 

On the one hand, I don't think we do too much with/for our children.  We homeschool, which is a financial sacrifice I suppose.  And I try to let them participate in activities.  So, for example, we made gingerbread houses at the local library, attended a homeschool co-op christmas party, visited santa at the local toy store, etc... But I enjoy doing those types of things with the children. 

 

On the other hand, I rarely get time to myself except when I go to work.  (My dh is the one who homeschool teaches, I work full time).  We don't have family nearby and we can't afford sitters except on rare occasions. So we don't get a break from them very often.  I do, though, often send my husband out for the evening so that he gets a break from them (or I take them out so he has a quiet house for awhile). 

 

How much is too much kid focus?  I waited a long time to have children (we were married for 15+ years before my ds came along).  So maybe I am just okay with having the house be kid focused.  We are raising children after all and I know they will grow up really fast.  But my dh complains about it frequently.  (It was his idea to homeschool by the way.)

 

I do have friends who meet up and go to yoga together and things like that, which I rarely do.  Mostly b/c my dh has had the kids all day by the time I get home and it doesn't feel fair to not give him a break. 

 

How do you find balance in your family?

post #2 of 4

Honestly....if your husband is complaining about it...the problem is there and I would just take his feelings into consideration and compromise. Ask HIM what he thinks is too much since he is the one involved in the family and what he would like to see change. Don't brush his feelings aside because you aren't thinking the same way

 

So to break down our schedual to kind of give you an idea of what happens for time together here it goes

 

We do homeschool from 9-3. I use that time to spend time with them, take breaks and do things together, go places etc

Husband is home about 6..he will play with them for an hour then I start the routine for bed...hubby and I get alone time until we go to bed

 Basically when husband has a day off we will do something family oriented that one day. 

post #3 of 4

I agree with the PP about what his thoughts are. What is he looking for? 

 

We are a very child centered family. DH and I have been trying to get away for a quick dinner 2-3 times a month alone but that has been 10 years in the making and has just started happening recently. Other then that every waking moment of our life seems to resolve around work or children. We do sacrifice a lot for the kids, late nights up with activities and homework, moving for sports or within school boundary lines, cramming into little houses to achieve those goals when we could easily find larger, cheaper options that would inconvenience the kid's lives. I don't mind all this, and prefers taking it to what others see as extreme because I grew up in a non-children centered household. I never felt like I was a priority or that my input ever mattered. So I guess I try to make up for it with my children!  

 

It could be that since he is home most of the time, he is feeling a disconnect with the outside world beyond children. I do know other families that have distinct adult lives outside of the children but they seem to manage it by taking turns, each parent gets two nights out a week, etc... or hiring sitters to fill that gap which nothing wrong with that, that is how we get our time alone. 

post #4 of 4

what is the crux of the issue. he is a house parent with an 8 and a 4 year old. the 4 year old is still young enough to need more attention. 

 

i know its difficult being the one at home, esp if its been 8 years already.

 

so what exactly does your dh want? does he want more evenings off to do his thing? is he not getting a break more often enough? in my limited experience i have found most stay at home dads need more time off than compared to SAHMs. 

 

is he wanting more one on one time with you? more dates?

 

i agree to honor his feelings - no matter what the norms are. for your family you both have to figure out what your needs are and then figure out how to meet them. 

 

may have to get a baby sitter. 

 

let me tell you having been a SAHM - its a tough tough job without the number of breaks you need.  

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