At home, and toward me, in general she is short, surly, eye-rolling, or indifferent. Always pushing to wear more makeup, lower necklines, shorter shorts. Normal, right? Yeah. But she doesn't love me. No matter how much I go out of my way- say yes to things (within reason) that other parents might not because it's inconvenient, pick up her friends, drop what I'm doing to chauffeur her around, no matter what I do, she isn't appreciative or even particularly nice to me.
I'm not exaggerating when I say she doesn't love me. I don't think she does. She absolutely refuses to say it. Refuses to hug me or let me hug her. The last time she hugged me or said she loved me, she was three years old. she wrote it in some cards after that, but it's not happening again anytime soon. When she leaves, she begrudgingly says 'bye''' back to me in a monotone without meeting my eyes, in response to my 'bye, love you!'. same thing at bedtime.
This isn't what I expected. it's been hard for a long time and it will be for a long time yet. I see my friend's kids hanging on them, saying they love them, and I'm so jealous - it feels like a rock in my chest. I know there isn't much to do about it. I just had to tell 'someone.' it hit me hard today and I got angry, yelled at her and came into my room and just cried. I have failed in some basic way and I don't think it's possible to fix it. I don't know what's wrong with either one of us.