I have two sons and my fiance has a son and two daughters. I love my fiance and his children so much and I feel that I am well bonded with his children and his children with my children and my youngest son is also well bonded with my fiance. (My oldest is 18, so he's just kinda around.) The problem is, my fiance is so hard on my sons- my little one is almost 3- yet he rarely disciplines his own children. I'm strict as a parent, so 99% of the time, I agree with my fiance when he's disciplining my little one- that's not the problem- it's that his children, especially his youngest, age 6 1/2, pretty much does whatever she wants, never a consequense, never a punishment, at most, he'll say, "A****, don't do that." This Christmas has been especially rough. I have two issues that I'm trying to figure out how to deal with because my fiance's daughter can do no wrong.
Christmas morning, my son got a beautiful set of Melissa and Doug wooden food that he can "cut" with a wooden knife. My fiance came over with his children shortly after my children opened their presents, and his two youngest, ages 6 and 9, were playing with the toy food with my 3 year old. His 6 year old was having a very hard time sharing the toys with the other children, kept taking it from them, harrassing them to give it to them, going on and on about how she wished she had a toy like that. In the past, when my sons and I have gone to my fiance's house, she's taken and hidden toys my son brought with him so that they were "lost" and he was unable to bring them home, so, later, after they left, when I realized that almost half his wooden toy food was missing, along with one of the two wooden knives it came with, my first thought (after tearing the house apart making sure it wasn't at my house somewhere), was that perhaps the 6 year old took it home with her. So... I text my fiance and asked him if she had it. I didn't accuse her of stealing- I asked if it had "somehow gotten into one of his children's bags of Christmas gifts". He text me back furious, insisting maybe my neighbors stole it, maybe my son lost it (I have a very neat house- it's not lost in any "clutter", and I searched the house from top to bottom), but there's no way HIS child would have taken anything that wasn't hers, and anyways, my son broke his tv (right after he turned two, he hit it with a toy one day when he was overstimulated), so it's not like my fiance never had anything broke, so just let it be, it's "just a toy". Then he posted on Facebook, not with my name, but how someone just ruined his Christmas by accusing his precious little daughter of stealing their child's toy.
And then there's her other behavior. I love her very much... but sometimes lately I don't enjoy spending time with her. :-( She was so rude to both our families this Christmas. First, we went to my fiance's children's Mother's side of the family. (Their Mother passed away, so I get invited, too.) During and after presents were being opened, A**** went on and on about how, "Is that all there is?" and "I wanted something else, not this.", and similar comments. She told one of her relatives, "I wanted five presents, NOT just three!" Then, yesterday, we went to my family's house for Christmas, and it was present time and my sister was beginning to hand out presents, and my fiance's daughter stood in front of her, with her hands on her hips, and pointed to a present with her name on it and "I want this one, right now!" My sister told her to sit down with the rest of the children and wait her turn, she will get her present, and A**** said, "No, I see it right there, you better give it to me now!". My sister said, "Sit down and wait your turn.", and A**** gets right in my sister's face (mind you, my sister was holding her twin three year olds on her lap while handing out presents), and says, "I SAID, give me my present NOW! I didn't ASK you to, I TOLD you to.". And then, later, we went to my fiance's parent's house, and A**** was going on and on about how she wants to open presents NOW, and how "it's better be something good this time". When A**** opened her gift from me, the first thing out of her mouth was, "How much did this cost?"
My fiance said nothing, in fact, acted like he didn't hear a single thing, when my stepdaughter was acting this way, and when I told her she was acting rude for asking me how much my gift to her was, he actually defended her with the usual- "She's only six." and "She doesn't know better, she didn't mean it."
I love my fiance so much and I love his children so much, but I'm finding it harder and harder to deal with everything having to be my fiance's way and his children are "perfect" whereas mine need to be dealt with. I'm supposed to marry him next summer, but I don't see how that can possibly work when he denies that there's any problem with his parenting and he just about refuses to talk to me regarding the children or anything else if there's a possibility of the conversation turning into any kind of altercation.