I think people were the worst with #4. It was a really stressful time for us...my husband's best friend died in a car wreck, we were moving (to a house that needed major work), and in a town where we knew no one. We had 3 little kids, our oldest was 5 when our 4th was born. We had just come off of a hard deployment. Whew. Glad THOSE days are over.
Firstly, Hi! I'm not going to be around much because I can't swing being on the computer with all these little people needing stuff all day. But, right now they are all in bed, and dh is studying for his college class, and I am foolishly still awake.
But, I wanted to say that I hear the rough stuff with marriage, and the mom job, and how and when to take a break. My dh finally came around when a.) he saw me with mastitis after our fourth was born, and b.) our marriage almost fell apart around that same time, and he realized a lot of what he thought was true wasn't (like about how families were supposed to work). I'm not sure how I ever made it with all our little kids up to that point. I was living on ZERO downtime, babies up all night nursing, pregnant (remember, 4 kids in 5 years...plus 4 moves, and 3 deployments. And dh had some major health issues for about 4 months after number 2 was born. Not to mention, while dh was gone, the kids and I logged something like 70k miles...with two large dogs. So, yeah. That was ROUGH). He and I were just talking last night about how amazing and stupid all that was. What a dumb lie we were living. I'm so thankful we have moved on to reality.
He's really nice to me now, purposefully gives me breaks without the guilt trip. Which is really nice because I used to feel guilty folding the laundry when he would take the kids. He's always been a great daddy, but he used to act like I was failing because I didn't cook three elaborate meals a day, and our house didn't look like it belonged to June Cleaver. And I was SO tired, I didn't have any energy for him. Sigh. The last week, I was SO sick with a flu thing, and nausea galore with being pg, and he has been so good about it. Picking up fast food, getting up with the 1yr at night, letting me stay in bed all day...even arranging stuff to his disadvantage to come home early from work so I can rest. It's a brave new world around here.
The ONLY catch is that now he recognizes my need for people, for intellectual stimulation, and for a few minutes alone...BUT, he works such LONG hours, and lots of away trips, that the only way for me to get it is to hire a babysitter. And he's okay with that, but it is $40 a pop. And I'm not ready to leave the 1 year old. And, I don't have any good friends here. We haven't lived here long enough, and I haven't been able to go out enough to meet my kind of people, so there's no one I want to do anything with anyway. And THAT to me is supremely exhausting.
So, yeah, I get it, too. This mom gig is super hard. It's super worth it, but wow, it's a lot of sacrifice for these little people. As mine are getting bigger, the sacrifices are getting bigger, too. I'm pinching the food budget, and working harder in the kitchen to save money so that they can do more activities. And, running around taking them from place to place. And homeschooling, trying to stay ahead of their curve. Up all day, disrupted sleep all night...little unborn baby ruining my appetite and focus, and energy. It's a lot. Trying to meet the needs of my 8 and 6 yos, but also being the same gentle attachment mama to my 4, 3, and 1 yo (and my three yo got the short end of the stick on that, so we are really having to work with her to overcome).
Take your trip. Buy chicken nuggets and frozen broccoli and a handful of movies and pretend that you are totally okay with that. No one is going to die in just a few days. :)