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January Chat - September 2014 DDC - Page 3

post #41 of 87
Aww I'm really sorry MM! Both of our brothers have or had their issues but luckily it's just them and no wife or kids. I worry about these things for the future but can only hope things will keep or start improving if kids/wife were to happen for either. I have high hopes but we'll always be there for the future (maybe?) kids.

What does MIL say? Is she allowing physical and substance abuse in her house? Or is she turning a blind eye to it all?

The case may be "closed" currently but an anonymous phone call would reopen it no? I think you need to figure out how the kids are being affected. Clothes and food is good but mentally and emotionally could be another story...?
post #42 of 87

@Motivated Mama  I grew up the child of two alcoholics, and have seen my own share of struggles with substance.  Needless to say, there has been a ton of emotional stuff for me to examine/forgive/apply to my life as a healthy person, but it has not come easily.  I would suggest ALANON just to give yourself some education and a support system.  Setting clear and healthy boundaries is a good start, and it sounds like you've done that.  The unfortunate side of being a compassionate person is learning how to let go and let people live their own lives.  All we can do is remind those we love how much we do love them, and that when they are ready to change,  we will be there for them.  Sounds like MIL may need some counseling as well??  Good luck!  You obviously have a giant heart :)

post #43 of 87

Motivated Mama, I'm guessing it's taking a whole lot of energy to steer your little ship steady in the midst of all that. Strength and energy to you, sister.

post #44 of 87

I thought this ddc just opened up today, as the link under due date clubs wasn't working before- I guess I'm late to the party.  I kept checking it everyday, but I guess there was another link somewhere.  Just wanted to stop by and say hi.  

post #45 of 87
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I welcome it. luxlove.gif Every night I lay down and hold or rub my belly and wish/dream for wonderful things for this little one and for all my little nieces (did I mention DS is the only boy grandchild?). It's happy and sad at the same time. happytears.gif

wave.gifkateaton I think we were in the TTC December thread together, right? I tried to catch everyone with BFPs and invite them to the DDC. Sorry if I missed you! The group could only be found on the groups page for awhile and not the DDC page. There's plenty to catch up on! Sheepish.gif
post #46 of 87

Hi Motivated- yes we in the same ttc group.  Well glad to have joined the group here!

post #47 of 87
Hi, Kate!

Motivated: I wish him the very best fighting the alcohol. There is a lot of substance abuse in my family. It is a hard road.
post #48 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by Motivated Mama View Post
Every night I lay down and hold or rub my belly and wish/dream for wonderful things for this little one...

I'm trying to do this as well.

 

I want this baby to know it's loved and wanted but I found myself apologizing today (to the baby) about my body not being as healthy as it should be. I'm so freaked out about this thyroid thing that I just found out about today (I've had hypo symptoms for a long time but chalked it up to adrenal issues even though I KNOW one is always affected when the other's not working properly.) I feel like I've put this baby in harms way by sticking my head in the sand. I never knew how much at risk pregnancy/baby was from low thyroid function. If I hadn't miscarried in November, I probably wouldn't be so worried, but now I feel like that was the cause and I'm so damned worried it'll happen again. Or that subchorionic hemorrhage I had with Ds at 12+ weeks, was that thyroid related? Ugh.

 

I'm just in a big fat rut and for most of the day I felt panicked and unable to deal with any of this and by this evening I've felt constantly on the verge of tears. DH wasn't the best today (he's a contractor and hasn't had a ton of work because it's winter and that's what happens) and I know it's money (and the dark, cold weather.) I know the weather has me down too. One of our routine arguments is about how I want to move out of the country and he thinks it's impractical. I feel so deflated when I think of it never being possible but I stay home with 4 (hopefully soon-to-be 5) kids while he's the breadwinner so he acts like it's all his decision and I don't have a say so.

 

I wonder if it's pregnancy hormones making me feel like I'm about to cry at the drop of a hat or if I'm depressed because my thyroid is in the crapper or is it SAD? I can't even tell if it's just SAD because it started with my m/c in November which is when it really starts to get dark and dreary around these parts.

 

I don't want to attract any negativity but man, it's so hard to stay positive in the first trimester, especially after a loss.

 

Sorry to be such a Debbie-downer. I'm really not typically like this and I'm hoping it's just crazy pregnancy hormones. :(

post #49 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metasequoia View Post
 

I'm trying to do this as well.

 

I want this baby to know it's loved and wanted but I found myself apologizing today (to the baby) about my body not being as healthy as it should be. I'm so freaked out about this thyroid thing that I just found out about today (I've had hypo symptoms for a long time but chalked it up to adrenal issues even though I KNOW one is always affected when the other's not working properly.) I feel like I've put this baby in harms way by sticking my head in the sand. I never knew how much at risk pregnancy/baby was from low thyroid function. If I hadn't miscarried in November, I probably wouldn't be so worried, but now I feel like that was the cause and I'm so damned worried it'll happen again. Or that subchorionic hemorrhage I had with Ds at 12+ weeks, was that thyroid related? Ugh.

 

I'm just in a big fat rut and for most of the day I felt panicked and unable to deal with any of this and by this evening I've felt constantly on the verge of tears. DH wasn't the best today (he's a contractor and hasn't had a ton of work because it's winter and that's what happens) and I know it's money (and the dark, cold weather.) I know the weather has me down too. One of our routine arguments is about how I want to move out of the country and he thinks it's impractical. I feel so deflated when I think of it never being possible but I stay home with 4 (hopefully soon-to-be 5) kids while he's the breadwinner so he acts like it's all his decision and I don't have a say so.

 

I wonder if it's pregnancy hormones making me feel like I'm about to cry at the drop of a hat or if I'm depressed because my thyroid is in the crapper or is it SAD? I can't even tell if it's just SAD because it started with my m/c in November which is when it really starts to get dark and dreary around these parts.

 

I don't want to attract any negativity but man, it's so hard to stay positive in the first trimester, especially after a loss.

 

Sorry to be such a Debbie-downer. I'm really not typically like this and I'm hoping it's just crazy pregnancy hormones. :(

aw, I just wanted to say HUGS!  Be gentle with yourself mama.  We're both in the same boat with the thyroid thing, but I think it was meant to be that this information has come to you at this time.  I believe that for myself as well.  I had no idea I had a thyroid issue.  But this is all for a good thing, now you can find a dr. to work with you so this pregnancy and baby will be optimally healthy.  I had a chemical in october (i don't think it was thyroid related though, I hadn't had my period back yet, and I think my hormones were just not up to par to support the pregnancy).

 

I pray you can find some peace until you have a solid plan in place. 

post #50 of 87

:grouphug Metasequoia, I was so appreciative of your focus on the thyroid issues in the other thread. It got me started looking into it, too, and I'm going to ask that a thyroid panel (with the tests you suggested) be added to my blood work. But I know, too, that desperate and panicked feeling, thinking that forces beyond our control are actively doing us and our families harm. For me, if I can get away from that thought and tell myself, yep, there might be something up, and there might not be, and I'm doing what I can to learn what I need to know to take the best action, but what I know for sure is that creating as much calm, easy, and peace in my mind and body in this moment is only going to help.

 

Right now, with this pregnancy, I am in between the weeks of my two most recent losses (being 6 and 8 weeks). I find myself getting into these manic places of madly Googling about miscarriages, trying to puzzle through what may have been the most likely causes, kicking myself for not having done a full-body detox 3 months ago, wondering if I consumed enough folate through diet those first two weeks before realizing I was pregnant, etc.

 

And I have to stop. Because it's eating me up.

 

I had a dream last night that I found a pink Easter egg on the roof of the house I grew up in. I walked over and picked it up, and as clear as day a voice in my head said, "The problem with this egg is that it's not attached to anything." Freaky, right? Downright terrifying with a history of losses! But I'm trying to think of it as a pointer toward the kind of visualization I most need to be doing. So I'm picturing a healthy, rich womb, and a well-attached little embryo, and a swirl of nutrients in my body designed to hold, support, and grow a healthy baby in the coming months.

 

It's not enough to keep the terrible thoughts at bay, but when they threaten to take over my life, it helps to have a vivid, healthy picture to come back to.

 

Hang in there, mama. You are doing so much good already for this little bean--all your good food, and your supplements, and your love and want of this baby. That counts for a lot.

post #51 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by kateaton View Post
 

aw, I just wanted to say HUGS!  Be gentle with yourself mama.  We're both in the same boat with the thyroid thing, but I think it was meant to be that this information has come to you at this time.  I believe that for myself as well.  I had no idea I had a thyroid issue.  But this is all for a good thing, now you can find a dr. to work with you so this pregnancy and baby will be optimally healthy.  I had a chemical in october (i don't think it was thyroid related though, I hadn't had my period back yet, and I think my hormones were just not up to par to support the pregnancy).

 

I pray you can find some peace until you have a solid plan in place. 

Thanks mama. good reminder to look on the bright side of things.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarieHoney View Post
 

:grouphug Metasequoia, I was so appreciative of your focus on the thyroid issues in the other thread. It got me started looking into it, too, and I'm going to ask that a thyroid panel (with the tests you suggested) be added to my blood work. But I know, too, that desperate and panicked feeling, thinking that forces beyond our control are actively doing us and our families harm. For me, if I can get away from that thought and tell myself, yep, there might be something up, and there might not be, and I'm doing what I can to learn what I need to know to take the best action, but what I know for sure is that creating as much calm, easy, and peace in my mind and body in this moment is only going to help.

 

Right now, with this pregnancy, I am in between the weeks of my two most recent losses (being 6 and 8 weeks). I find myself getting into these manic places of madly Googling about miscarriages, trying to puzzle through what may have been the most likely causes, kicking myself for not having done a full-body detox 3 months ago, wondering if I consumed enough folate through diet those first two weeks before realizing I was pregnant, etc.

 

And I have to stop. Because it's eating me up.

 

I had a dream last night that I found a pink Easter egg on the roof of the house I grew up in. I walked over and picked it up, and as clear as day a voice in my head said, "The problem with this egg is that it's not attached to anything." Freaky, right? Downright terrifying with a history of losses! But I'm trying to think of it as a pointer toward the kind of visualization I most need to be doing. So I'm picturing a healthy, rich womb, and a well-attached little embryo, and a swirl of nutrients in my body designed to hold, support, and grow a healthy baby in the coming months.

 

It's not enough to keep the terrible thoughts at bay, but when they threaten to take over my life, it helps to have a vivid, healthy picture to come back to.

 

Hang in there, mama. You are doing so much good already for this little bean--all your good food, and your supplements, and your love and want of this baby. That counts for a lot.

That dream is crazy! I've been dong the same kind of visualizations! Good for you to be able to turn it into something positive; I'd have a hard time with that.

 

And being between the 2 losses, that must be so hard. I had a loss after my first pregnancy at 8 weeks and the one this past November was at 6 weeks, so week 7 will be that week for me this time, too. I'm debating whether or not to have a u/s around 7 weeks to try to see the HB. I'm afraid of my dates being off due to a later ovulation so I'd probably wait until later in the 7th week. I haven't had any betas done because I think the stress of waiting for the results would be worse than just trying to stay positive. BUT, if I'm going to have blood work done...it's tempting.

 

I can't believe how quickly we become a support network for each other. THIS is why I join the DDC early on!

 

:grouphug

post #52 of 87

I just took Dd2 and two of her buddies to see Frozen - and I got all teary-eyed at least 3 times! I can't remember the last time I set foot in a movie theater.... I think 7+ yr old Ds has never even been to the movies...

 

Does anybody else get the cat-piss under-arm stink?? What IS that?? I just showered this morning and I can, ahem, usually go a few days without any smell at all without showering. bag.gif

post #53 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metasequoia View Post

I just took Dd2 and two of her buddies to see Frozen - and I got all teary-eyed at least 3 times! I can't remember the last time I set foot in a movie theater.... I think 7+ yr old Ds has never even been to the movies...

Does anybody else get the cat-piss under-arm stink?? What IS that?? I just showered this morning and I can, ahem, usually go a few days without any smell at all without showering. bag.gif
You basically wrote my post for me... But even funnier. I showered last night and this morning my armpit smell almost made me throw up! I add lemongrass to my homemade deodorant and that helped. Thankfully.

I almost cried at church today. The song was some song about being there through all points of life and I kept tearing up and then laughing at myself for tearing up?! Crazy, I tell you.
post #54 of 87

I don't know if you could classify it as cat-piss, but I get major BO when pregnant, and just notice that my arm pits sweat a ton!

post #55 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by WendyJo410 View Post


You basically wrote my post for me... But even funnier. I showered last night and this morning my armpit smell almost made me throw up! I add lemongrass to my homemade deodorant and that helped. Thankfully.

I almost cried at church today. The song was some song about being there through all points of life and I kept tearing up and then laughing at myself for tearing up?! Crazy, I tell you.


I don't even know if Frozen is something I'd normally cry over.

 

I don't even use deodorant, that's how much I don't even smell! But right now, ew!

post #56 of 87
Lol, just noticed a little extra sweating and bo today. Ew. I am not normally a stinker.
post #57 of 87
The deodorant is for my husband... I rarely use it!
post #58 of 87
Thread Starter 
I rarely use deodorant and I've had to recently - I think I've had the same stick for 3 years or more and barely touched it. Also, my hair is so icky with a thick grease feeling. I need showers daily. I'm using baby shampoo and still getting grease!

Rayne's (DS2) birthday party was superb. Great turnout and everyone had a blast. It was expensive and I won't do it that way again, but I don't regret it in the least.

BIL/SIL/DN are all doing fine. I took BIL to doctor yesterday and to drop off a couple of job applications. We moved DD2's bunk bed up into DS's room and put the bunks together. We also moved in new bunk beds (from BIL/SIL) into the downstairs girls room so that DD1/DD3/DN are sharing a room. I'm not moving DD1's stuff out of her room (where BIL/SIL are sleeping) or moving any of the dressers because I know everything will change again in 6-7 months smile.gif They don't know that yet, but the daily vomiting that started yesterday might begin to give it away. I can only hide for so long.
post #59 of 87

MM - you sure have a lot of moving parts in your life!  I admire your flexibility.  DH and I having 15 years of doing everything our own way has really taken it's toll on my "roll-with-it" skills.  I've got to get that back... 

 

When we were first engaged, we moved to Los Angeles where DH's family is from (he got a job promotion that took us there).  We lived in an interesting arrangement at his grandma's house.  She had 2 houses on one large lot, connected by a breezeway.  She lived alone in the smaller house (1bed, 1 bath, kitchen, living, everything a normal house has) and we lived in the big house (3 bed, 2 bath, etc) with his sister, her boyfriend (now husband) and also his divorced mother.  We all paid rent to grandma. 

 

DH had grown up in that house, but it had always been more like a big family apartment than a home where everybody lived together and interacted meaningfully.  Everyone came and went with no regard to others, no meals were ever shared (nobody really cooked except me), groceries were separate, it was a keep-to-yourself setup.  Such a strange way to grow up... I'm glad I saw it or it would be hard to believe.

Anyways, living with his family in that strange arrangement was so incredibly challenging at times.  I had the nuclear family tight-knit picture-perfect upbringing, so it was a radical departure to see how detached they all were.  Literally, even as kids, things like celebrating Christmas (getting a tree) were optional... if they happened to get around to it.  Zero traditions, zero expectations.

 

It seems, though, like you are really incorporating your BIL/SIL/DN into your home and lives.  How do you mesh all that?  Your daughters and niece are probably having a good time with it, but I do wonder about the BIL/SIL especially since they were displaced from their home and an independent lifestyle.  Sometimes living with another female can be a tough one too. 

When we lived at my dad's last year (we were there to take care of him... cancer) my sister moved in too.  We were only together there for a few months but she drove us bat sh** crazy.  The most passive aggressive person ever - now THAT was a challenge. 

I sincerely hope your situation is coming together nicely and that it leads to good ends (BIL job, off alcohol, etc).  Kudos to you for giving so much!

 

On a separate note, the vomiting has arrived eh?  Bummer.  That must be a rough one.  I'm luckily at zero on that score so far, although the nausea is fairly constant (unless I'm eating).  Speaking of... it's snack time.

post #60 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by innacircle View Post
When we were first engaged, we moved to Los Angeles where DH's family is from (he got a job promotion that took us there).  We lived in an interesting arrangement at his grandma's house.  She had 2 houses on one large lot, connected by a breezeway.  She lived alone in the smaller house (1bed, 1 bath, kitchen, living, everything a normal house has) and we lived in the big house (3 bed, 2 bath, etc) with his sister, her boyfriend (now husband) and also his divorced mother.  We all paid rent to grandma. 

 

DH had grown up in that house, but it had always been more like a big family apartment than a home where everybody lived together and interacted meaningfully.  Everyone came and went with no regard to others, no meals were ever shared (nobody really cooked except me), groceries were separate, it was a keep-to-yourself setup.  Such a strange way to grow up... I'm glad I saw it or it would be hard to believe.

Anyways, living with his family in that strange arrangement was so incredibly challenging at times.  I had the nuclear family tight-knit picture-perfect upbringing, so it was a radical departure to see how detached they all were.  Literally, even as kids, things like celebrating Christmas (getting a tree) were optional... if they happened to get around to it.  Zero traditions, zero expectations.

 

We share a home with my mom and I love it. It has its moments, but for the most part, it's awesome. When I was 21, I was struggling to pay rent in a house I shared with a roommate so when my parents moved to a new house, they invited me to come live with them and save up some money. So I moved in at 21 and got pregnant within a few months at the age of 22. Whew! We just stayed here and all of my children have been raised by Dh and I plus their grandparents. My dad died almost 4 years ago and while it was hard for the kids, I'm so thankful that they had an extremely close relationship with him. He used to play board games with Ds, look under the microscope with Dd and when Dd2 was tired, she'd go take a nap with grandpa - so sweet.

 

My dream is to move to a big chunk of land and to have 2-3 homes on it. My mom, sister, and our family have been talking about this for a few years now. I think it would take a lot of pressure off of each of us if we all chipped in. Plus, as my mom turns 70 next month, we'd remain close to her to help her as she ages. Not to mention how much all of the grand kids adore her and she, them! My dream includes BIG family dinners at a great big handmade table. I know my sister and I would have our moments, but I think there would be way more positive than negative moments.

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