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FTM's - 3 months in...how are you liking motherhood?

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

I love it much, much more than I had expected to.  Breastfeeding is harder than I thought it would be, more demanding.  I feel a little cut off from my single friends.  My marriage has been tested  when we're both sleep deprived and exhausted/drained but we're doing pretty good.  Sometimes I want him to stay little forever and sometimes I want him to be older so I can do more.  Sometimes I feel like nothing much has changed and sometimes I feel trapped.  I'm very thankful I'm able to stay home b/c if I had to work I'd be freaking out not getting enough sleep (at least now I can sleep in or take naps).  Sometimes I feel like I'm not taking enough videos/photos or I'm not doing enough in general (like I get nervous I don't babywear him enough - DH does it more than I do, I usually just hold him).  We're still figuring out sleeping and eating and I have no clue if it'll EVER get sorted out.  Some people have babies who sleep 6-7 hrs already and that makes me die a little inside lol.

post #2 of 8
I'm the same kali, I love being a mum a million times more than I thought I would. I know we are very lucky and have a very easy baby, apart from breastfeeding problems it has been so much easier than I thought too. I was scared I wasn't going to bond, have any maternal instincts and just generally get it all wrong, but I was wrong, I love her so much and apparently I'm a natural mother. I love it so much we r going to have another one! Lol
post #3 of 8
Well, I have two babies, one is easy and the other is "high needs," as dr Sears says, but it's getting better. Breastfeeding is a lot harder than I expected, but the babies themselves are glorious. They just keep getting better. I don't remember the first two months, thank goodness. It was terrible. But now, life is pretty amazing. I would have five more babies if I could afford it.
post #4 of 8

Kali, I can definitely relate to the "wishing he would stay little and wishing he was older" feeling. It's so tough. I want to cherish each little moment, every second and store it away in my memory forever and yet I'm also looking forward to all the "firsts" to come.

serena, that is so awesome to hear that you find motherhood comes naturally after being worried about it. I'm sure you'll be amazing with two as well!

mrsandmrs, I would love to have a bunch if I were able to afford a nanny, ha! I know my lady with nine has a housecleaner/helper on a daily basis and I sure wouldn't mind having more if I knew I wasn't going to be the only one caring for them for the majority of the day. Maybe if I win the lottery...

I enjoy being a mom but I've found that I also very much need my own thing (like work). The idea of being a mom, and that consuming my identity, scares me. I'd say 99% of the people I know right now have known me since before I became a mom, I've only made a few new friends in baby playgroups etc., and I fear that they will now see me as a different person, a friend who no longer has time for them etc. At the same time I find it hard to picture the new moms I've met as people who used to have careers, went to college and had interests that didn't involve kids, so that informs my perspective as well.

post #5 of 8
Thread Starter 

Dakipode, I can relate to being afraid that people I know we see me as a different person.  Where I live our main social group has no parents and no married couples.  Most everyone is in on again, off again relationships.  Actually, our main social group is a spiritual one and many of them have this idea that having a family will distract them from their path, so it's been a kind of hard feeling accepted this past year.  It's better now that they are more used to the baby, but when I got pregnant and we got married, it was actually a bit of a scandal here!  Now, with our families and other friends not in that group, it was fine, everyone loves us together (we have a few married couples with kids friends outside the main group), but with the main group I felt like an outcast for a bit.  But now I feel like we're being examples to them, showing them that yes, you can still meditate and progress spiritually while having a family, even if it can be more difficult.  We visit our temple usually every week and we're the first ones to bring a baby there, so that's been interesting navigating that, as it's usually a place for meditation and contemplative discussion, but we're making it work.

 

I've also found that losing baby weight is a lot harder than I thought!  Well, I'm predisposed to having weight problems - I was overweight for years and lost 80 lbs on weight watchers a few years back and kept it off until getting pregnant, but then my body was like "woooooooo, an excuse to gain it all back and then some!"....so I started WW again at the beginning of the year.  It sucks because I hate the way I look in photos of me with the baby.  Luckily my husband is always telling me how beautiful I am so that really helps.  He's also been great about WW and he cooks a lot for me.

post #6 of 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaliHekate View Post

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I've also found that losing baby weight is a lot harder than I thought!  Well, I'm predisposed to having weight problems - I was overweight for years and lost 80 lbs on weight watchers a few years back and kept it off until getting pregnant, but then my body was like "woooooooo, an excuse to gain it all back and then some!"....so I started WW again at the beginning of the year.  It sucks because I hate the way I look in photos of me with the baby.  Luckily my husband is always telling me how beautiful I am so that really helps.  He's also been great about WW and he cooks a lot for me.

I'm the same, always been overweight, eventually lost 100lbs with weightwatchers, then put loads on when pregnant. I must admit I went a bit crazy with food lol. Now I've joined ww again and hoping to start losing. I hate being fat, and my DH never knew me when fat, is it's a bit of a shock for him! But he's never said anything about my weight, I think it's more about me than him.
post #7 of 8
I'm loving being a mom. I'm lucky that breastfeeding is going well. Too well? I pump twice as much as she drinks while I'm at work. We had to replug in the garage freezer for the abundance. We are also lucky she's so mellow.
My DH and her had a rough start because I did most of the soothing and all the feeding so he didn't learn how. She would cry when he'd try. He said it broke his heart and that it felt like she hated him. Now he's caring for her while I'm at work and its going better.
I'm having trouble with friends too but mostly because i have very few. I try to connect at la leche league meetings and mamas group but since I've been back at work that's hard.
post #8 of 8

tough question. every day is so different. sometimes i feel overwhelmed with no time for myself and wouldn't know how to do i with a second kid. other days i want to hold my son all the time. i think i'm still hovering back and forth between my old and my new life. 

 

breastfeeding is going a lot better meanwhile. it feels very natural most of the time and i'm loving it. haven't made any plans for weaning yet.

 

i quit my job and am at home for now. i thought i'd miss working but being here with my son is the most important thing i could do right now. i don't know what i'll do in the future; i've found going to a group of some sorts once a week is good for us. i'm still at home too much since we have to drive everywhere and he car seat etc are a bit of a pain. 

 

i absolutely need my sleep, DF has started taking him in the mornings for 1-2hrs and it has made a big difference. we put him to bed between 7-8pm and then i have some time to take care of stuff. 

 

i don't have the time to read a bunch of parenting books or blogs. we're terrible shoppers. sometimes it feels like other people are so much more informed than we, but i'm loving to see that when i go with my intuition, it usually points me in the right direction. 

 

we've had a few very odd / upsetting episodes with people, family and friends, who were ignorant of our new needs and limitations.

i'm finding drawing boundaries extremely hard, and am scared to run into creeps in the grocery store and the like. we've had two experiences so far that scared me. i'm hoping i will get much better at it so i can protect my child from potential and actual predators.

 

on a lighter note, i'm finding it hard to entertain the baby for a longer period of time, and am glad when dad takes over. i love to cuddle with my son, but i get easily bored at playtime. :(

also, we want to raise him bilingually, but i've found that my tongue gets language-confused since i'm supposed to be talking to him in German and i sometimes feel like i've forgotten how to speak it. 

 

this was typed one-handedly, baby sleep on me, fiancé napping at 4.45pm, baby waking up any minute now.

 

ps. painted my nails today for the first time since late pregnancy! felt amazing but them baby started crying before they were dry and i was in a dilemma. wish i found more time for such little things..

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