Congrats Caij_rose! Let us know when you get some cherubs! It's great to have folks with similar experiences to share the ups and downs! I just celebrated one year as a Foster mom and hope to be just Mom when our adoption goes through!
Adoption/Foster/Starting Out Chit Chatty Thread Extravaganza 2014 - Page 2
Hi everybody! It's been quite a while since I've posted. We passed the 2.5 year mark of TTC and have done quite a bit of diagnosis in the past six months. We are not technically infertile because I am getting pregnant, but my inability to stay pregnant is currently unexplained.
We also started talking seriously about fostering with the possibility of adoption last summer. We started training in September and are now in the middle of the homestudy process. We are possibly just 2-3 weeks away from approval, maybe even less. I am getting a bit nervous and sentimental as we approach the date of possible approval. Yesterday I ordered about 20 used books from Amazon; I've been collecting a list of books that people recommend for foster babes as well as some of my favorites. Pulling the trigger and seeing that my little library is on the way made me a bit weepy (also, AF showed up last night, so there's that!).
We will continue getting the fertility issue diagnosed but probably won't do any surgeries if that comes up as an issue. We are in our early-mid 30s, so we don't have all the time in the world but we do still have plenty of flexibility should we want to have bio kids. We are starting with respite care. We may just be respite providers but if we do well with this we will certainly consider foster to adopt.
PUH, I am so glad to see your FS has stayed with you for eight months! Beautiful!
Hello to everyone else and I hope all goes well! I also heard the NPR story about going through the attachment process with a 7 year old. I had to laugh at some of the sweet and funny parts like feeding the kid ice cream... Totally recommend listening to it if you get a chance.
Edited by TeamViddy - 2/2/14 at 11:47am
Caij_Rose - Welcome! Can't wait to hear about your adventures.
TeamViddy - Good to "see" you here! I was 2.5 years into TTC (and 6 years past not trying to prevent) when I decided to foster-to-adopt. I think it was definitely a turning point for me. Just the foster approval process made me feel like I was getting somewhere in building my family. Turning in those piles of paperwork always felt like an accomplishment. The endless cycle of TTC and failing had me truly in the dumps.
How is everyone else? I can't believe its February already. Time is flyinnnggggggggg.
Hello! We have been praying about moving for a while now. We decided that if God gave us the opportunity to move into a house with an extra bedroom that fit all our specific needs, then we would begin the process to become foster parents. We are so excited and grateful to be moving into a 3 bedroom house mid-march!!!! I just can't believe that the house agrees with all our very specific needs AND has an extra room for future fosters. SO SO SO happy. You all can probably relate to how strongly I feel urged to foster. I was surprised by how supportive my husband is with this. We are looking to foster a single child, boy or girl, elementary school aged.
@AllyFolsom, I am looking forward to hearing more about your adventures with your county. We started out with the county and then switched to an agency. They both have their pros and cons.
@homeschoolingmama, Yesssss! I love the steps forward.
@Naturemama23, I think a year sounds short! Here, that would be unusual. Is your soon-to-be adopted daughter already freed for adoption?
Hi PoorUglyHappy! We found our girl in June last year. We've completed the home study, received the I171H (approval from the US gvt to bring an orphan into the US), and gathered all of the paperwork needed to be submitted to the Taiwan courts. We're waiting for the legal guardian in Taiwan to mail over the contracts that say YES we are adopting this child! :) I try so hard not to worry about so much of the process being out of my hands. Is it like that in foster care adoptions as well? I'm not very familiar with domestic adoptions.
At home we haven't done much that's visible. We've done a TON of reading about adoption and now I'm working through a list of parenting and education books. I have been learning how to cook some Taiwanese and Chinese dishes that she might be more familiar with. We just finished saving up all of the money for adoption fees so haven't been able to set up her bedroom yet. I hope we can start shopping soon! :D
@AllyFolsom I think our experience is not universal. I think here, there is one big difference that kind of defines our experience with each side. With the county you are pretty much on your own, supervising visits, trying to get information, trying to find services, etc. With an agency, you have a lot of support, a social worker that works for you (and not just the kiddo). However, the downside is that all the extra agency attention also means lots more invasion into our lives. The county comes out once a month (and often just a random worker will visit who doesn't even know our case). Our agency worker has visits every week. It is pretty much a revolving door of early intervention social workers, therapists and case workers at our house.
Here, the agencies and the county place the same kids. I've heard that the county families get calls first, but in my experience that isn't true. The placement workers call a bunch of families and a bunch of agencies and the family that commits first, gets the placement. The problem here is that there aren't enough foster homes so there is never a time when there are waiting families anymore just waiting kids.
In our county we just have agencies; the county doesn't place kids at all. Wish I could offer some insight.
We are waiting on just a handful of pieces of paper to be processed before we are approved. I am surprised AND not surprised (because of what I've read) at how long this is taking. This weekend we got a message from the agency that they almost exclusively place special needs (therapeutic) kids. Because we don't have parenting experience, we won't be able to foster the vast majority of kids who come through their agency until we have an additional 24 hours of training. Huh? We started this process in July and this is the first we hear about this? I'm mildly annoyed at this because I thought we were SO close to being approved, which we are, but so far from actually being foster parents, plus I did a lot of research, and didn't hear about this rule until now.
We've also been doing some fertility diagnosis. We decided we'll continue to foster if I happen to get pregnant and still consider adoption to build our family along with bio kids. Still, I got an HSG (x-ray dye imaging) a week ago and everyone who hears about it (not that many people!) either personally got pregnant directly after an HSG or knows a close friend or sibling who got pregnant directly after an HSG. DH is feeling hopeful, while it stresses me out so bad! I would be happy just fostering and rolling with the many changes we have planned this year, and having bio kids later. Of course, this being the first cycle I have been terrified at the idea of getting pregnant pretty much guarantees that this will be the time our baby comes back to stay (that little soul has implanted as an embryo and then decided to wait till later so many times I've lost count).
Hi ladies - I am planning to lurk here for awhile - probably a long while! - just trying to learn more about foster/adopting. We are pregnant with our second, and hope/d to have a big family. But pregnancy makes me extremely ill, and I'm thinking this will be our last bio kid. When our kids are older, I'm thinking we may foster-to-adopt. I think I'd like to do a sibling group of 2-3 that are kindergarten age or younger. Obviously, we are not anywhere close to ready to make a decision or move forward with anything, but I think this is a pretty big decision, so spending a few years doing low-key information gathering seems reasonable to me. Best of luck to all of you in your journeys!
@PoorUglyHappy - I remember you from the Bitter Sushi Ladies - so glad to see that you've been able to start your family. Hope you can get your LO officially adopted soon!
Sorry I havent been keeping up with the thread even though I started it. We're still waiting, and I am trying to pass the time so it doesnt feel so much like waiting. 16 months down. Who knows how much time left. We tried to get pregnant a few times, unsuccessfully, and that is also adding to the BLAH I currently feel. Oh and babies and pregnancy everywhere. I am so sensitive to it lately.
@TeamViddy I am not surprised to hear about the extra training. Here, pretty much every foster child is "special needs" by the vague and broad definition. But at least that won't be a hinderance when you start getting calls. On the bright side, I can imagine a different scenario for getting the info about the extra training: a social worker calling about a particular child and asking you if you had the training and THAT being the point when you find out. Unfortunately, that is how things go in foster care.
@MonkeyScience Welcome! I'm sorry to see that after your difficulty getting pregnant that your pregnancies have been so difficult. But I am glad to see that you are considering adoption.
@MountainMamaGC I am sorry to hear that you are still waiting. I was hoping that your absence meant that you were busy with a squishy newborn. Do you get to know how often your profile is looked at?