When she needs more than I can give

[Bekka]

Dd is almost 4. I haven't read the Five Languages of Love or whatever, but I KNOW for a fact that she needs a LOT of physical contact, hugs, kisses, touches, etc. for significant periods of the day. Otherwise she's whiny, sad, generally amiss, and can't cope well with about anything.

Ds is almost 4 mos. and between taking care of him, nursing, etc., I'm all filled up with touching and I get creeped out by her persistence in touching my hair, etc. I try really hard to temper my reaction so it's not "eww", but that's how I feel by the end of the day, and I want to just say, "get away"! I know she would feel rejection, so I try not to.

Does anyone have suggestions/comments/ideas to extend my "touchability" or otherwise cope with this situation? When dh is able to come home before bedtime, he does great about holding, carrying, etc., but he's trying to get his PhD this year and is away from home many evenings.

[khrisday]

Much of the desire for your physical attention may simply be a need for more sensory input. My dd is just like that. Read The Out of Sync Child for suggestion on how to meet those sensory needs in appropriate ways without having her crawling all over you all day long.

[taz925]

Hi,

All children have sensory input issues it is when it interfers w/ day to day life that it needs to be addressed. Do read the Out of Sync child and if you see your child in its pages, get an evaluation by an OT who knows about Sensory Integration Dysfunction. They really can help you and your child. I have a son who has sensory issues and boy did I get touched out many many times. He is getting OT and it is getting better but I didn't know until he was almost 4. The earlier you start therapy the better for the child.

Doreen

[LoveBeads]

Hi, just wanted to "third" what the other mamas have said. My DD also has sensory issues, although she is sensory defensive and wouldn't allow me to touch/hug/hold/kiss her until she was about 3 1/2 .

She's in OT now and a snugglin' machine!

[srain]

Is there any way to reduce the irritation by combining the on-you time both kids have? Like letting her play with your hair while you nurse, or snuggle while you're putting him down for a nap? If she's gentle enough, teaching her to "pet" your son to get them both away from you for a little while?

[MamaMonica]

Do you have any pets? My dd who is four now gets a lot of her touch needs met from playing with and snuggling our cat. The cat is very old and tolerant and loves dd, so they have formed a bond that has freed me up from some of the "hair twirling" and touching on me when I nurse her little brother.

[Bekka]

Thanks for the suggestions. I will be requesting the Out of Sync Child and the Highly Sensitive Child from the public library. No, we don't have any pets; I'm not a pet person, and we're living in apartment-type housing that limits pet options. For me the ideal pet is a "fascinating" pet, not snuggly. (Lizard, turtle) I also have a friend who is an OT. Perhaps I should talk with her.