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Mothering › Groups › February 2014 Due Date Club › Discussions › Should He Stay or Should He Go? DH Asked to Travel Week 37-38

Should He Stay or Should He Go? DH Asked to Travel Week 37-38

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
In need of some advice here. I'm prego with number one and DH and I live in the Middle East. His work has asked him to take a trip to Abu Dhabi -- a 3.5 hour flight away -- Feb 3-8. I'm due Feb 22. I'd be 37 weeks when he left and will be pretty much exactly 38 weeks when he gets back. There are about two to three direct flights a day between AD and Amman (where we live). The other complication is that we live abroad and although I have friends and neighbors who could be there for me we obviously don't have any family here and my mom and sister won't be flying in till the 20th. Although I think it's unlikely I'd go into labor during that time I still know that it's possible. DH's work is strongly encouraging him to go but they understand I'm pregnant with our first and I do think he could get out of it...

I'm getting mixed reactions from others. Friends in our line of work have said I'll be fine and he's probably safe to go since it's my first and I'll have a long labor anyway. My mom thinks no. I'm on the fence. I want him to be able to go but I'm also nervous... Pregnancy has been healthy and uneventful so far so no reason to think I'd go early...

What do you ladies think? Should he stay or should he go??
post #2 of 14

You mention your friends and moms opinion.....but not your husbands. His is what matters

post #3 of 14
Thread Starter 
He said it's up to me!
post #4 of 14
I'm with your mom on this one...I'm due Feb. 3 and have asked my DH, who drives long distances for his job, to stay within an hour of our home starting Jan. 13th (when I'll be 37 weeks and therefore term). He'll be going out of state (an 8 hour drive) at the end of next week, but he'll be driving, so if anything should happen with me, he won't be stuck trying to catch an emergency flight back.
post #5 of 14

I wouldn't want my husband to do it. I'd worry the whole time that I would go into labor. Just because you haven't had any complications doesn't mean you couldn't go into labor in week 37; that is not a complication, it is within the normal range. If you don't have a friend or a doula you could lean on if need be I think it could be very hard for you.

post #6 of 14

If i had someone there to be with me that i was comfortable with then i wouldn't mind. If I was going to be alone - hell no!

 

Also, your chances of going into labour during that time are pretty low. Here's a calculator:

 

http://spacefem.com/pregnant/due.php

post #7 of 14
Thread Starter 
Thanks all. Viola -- I go to this site all the time I find it totally addicting smile.gif According to the stats there's about a ten percent chance I could go into labor before DH gets back at the beginning of my 38th week. To me this still seems like a pretty significant chance...
post #8 of 14
Yeah but there's a 90% chamce you won't!

With the first one I may have been more worried about. Mmore women go over than under and my first was 40+9 so this time I wouldn't be worried about it. But it's your first so you could be one of that small group.

What are the negative consequence to him not going? Will he loose lots of money (that would help you and babe), or promotions or stuff like that? If so given the relatively small chance, and assuming you have someone you trust to be with you, then id probably let him go. Dh and I are both self employed and he can't be with me at the birth cabin and will be 2 hours away. Obviously it's not ideal but that's business (though my situation isn't as extreme as yours plus its my second plus I'm not in a foreign country).

If you're uncomfortable and the negative consequences of him staying are small or nil I'd ask him to stay.

Really it's 100% up to you and is about what you're comfortable with in your heart.

Living in a foreign country is so hard.
post #9 of 14
My first was a 37 weeker! I'd want him near home.
post #10 of 14
Thread Starter 
I know -- it seems like for every mom who went a week past her due date there's one who delivered in week 37 or 38. I vacillate between being totally fine with him going and thinking I'm nuts for considering it!
post #11 of 14
When did your mother give borth? I've heard that's a good indicator.

When do you have to decide by? Now that I think about it more i think if it were me and it were my first I would say no. If it were th second and you had some predictability, maybe, but with the first it's too risky.
post #12 of 14

My paternal grandmother had 3/3 early, my maternal grandmother had 1/2 early and one on time, and my mom had both of us within the week before our due dates. Consequently I was not prepared to go past my due date, which is what did happen (by only a few days, but still). 

post #13 of 14
Thread Starter 
My mom went 2-4 days late with me (her first). She can't remember my exact due date. So I'm expecting to go a bit late but I also know this doesn't guarantee that I will. Both my grandmas went early with their 6 combined children -- and some were preterm -- but this would have been in the 50s and early 60s so I'm not putting much stock in this as prenatal care wasn't what it is today and many pregnant women still drank and smoked with abandon!

Am leaning toward either asking DH to cut the trip short to around three days or not go at all...
post #14 of 14
Cuttin the trip short is a possibility? That could be the sweet spot right there. If you go in labour the day he's to leave, he doesn't, if you go into labour the next day he might miss it, if you go into labour the day after, he'll be there imminently. That means there's really only one day where he'd be totally absent, and on any given day during week 37-38 your chances of spontaneous labour are roughly 1% per the spacefem chart.
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