Holiday season came and went without communication from my son's father. Very disappointing, not surprising, but very disappointing.
Quick run-down: Ex and I separated when kiddo was 18months. We were never married and I always remained sole-custody just because, we didn't do anything legally about that (except child support, Ex is on the legal books for Support). For two years kiddo was with Dad one night a week, and Dad was consistent on that.
Two months ago, me and the 4yo kiddo and I moved across country, literally 2300 miles away from Dad. I gave Ex TONS of notice; notice to Stop me; notice to file whatever he might have wanted. I totally expected to hear from a lawyer... but it didn't happen. So we moved. Dad was angry (of course!), but he didn't do what was Fully In His Right, and let us go.
Throughout the move I texted updates and photos. Endless cards and packages have arrived (way before Xmas) from the Grandparents, but nothing from Dad. Xmas came and went. Nothing from Dad. Somewhere in there was an update from School and us getting established with a new pediatrician, which I emailed to Ex the information, to keep him in the loop and to see if he had anything to share. No response.
New Year's came... and he finally texted with "it would make my day to hear his voice"
Which i didn't respond with anger (even though I was FUMING on the inside)... I was all about... let's make it happen. Once again (because I'd sent it before), here is my Skype name and any time you want, I only need an hours notice...
And then Nada.
And they never got to talk. It never happened.
And now here we are, 2+ months in a new town across country.
I told him when we moved, You are his father, I Will Never let him forget you; I will do everything in my power, as long as you are interested.
And I meant it. And I still mean it. This is my son's father. I am fighting ALL of my family (who'd rather him just disappear) in my want to keep up connection with this man, because he is His Father.
But... he is not trying. He is not doing Anything. He is not calling. He is not even texting me to see if his son is OK. I'm sure he is seeing Facebook posts and probably feels like he is staying up to date, because I tag him in every picture that I take. But he is not actually doing Anything on his own.
And my family in my head is starting to creep in.
Maybe I shouldn't try to keep them in touch.
Maybe his failure to TRY..... try before we left, try now since we've been here...
I dunno. The boy is 4yrs old. He still has memories of his father and while he doesn't really ask about him, he says things..."mommy, this is the biggest river I've ever seen; Daddy doesn't have a river like this; Daddy's river is small"...
And he didn't question whether or not Daddy sent him something for Xmas, but we were making cards and he Loves to write notes & cards, and he was happy to make a drawing for Daddy...
Daddy is on his mind, for sure.
I don't know if I should pressure the Skype connection or let it go? Afterall, I moved him 2300 miles away from his father... I know eventually there will be dramatic, horrible repercussions from that. But does he Want or Need to talk to him today? Do I need to BEG his father to make it happen?
Anyone been through this?
I guess the clincher is that I am not dating, nor do I plan to (in the foreseeable future, at least). There is not a man in MY life that I'm planning to fill the Daddy role. His dad is his Dad. But his dad is now far, crazy far away. And that has to be confusing in itself... I've just been filling up our 2months here so far with Grandpa and Uncles and the men that I want my son to have a role-model with for the future. And I'm going to keep building on those relationships...
But those are not his dad....