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Protecting intact newborn

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 

I'll be 36 weeks with our little boy on Thursday. I did a tour of the hospital over the weekend, and now am extremely stressed over how we're going to advocate for our little boy in an area where routine circumcision is still very much the norm and most people I've spoken to still hold firm to the belief that if a boy is not circumcised that you must retract and clean. Seriously, everyone I have spoken to about our decision not to circumcise has come back with, "Well, that might work OK for you if you're careful about always retracting it and keeping it clean, but it would be a shame if he needs to have it done when he's older, because it hurts more." Gah!

 

Found out in the hospital tour that it is somewhat unlikely that one or both of us will be allowed back for the baby's first exam and bath. Was told that the standard is that parents aren't allowed in general, and the only chance one or both of us would be is if he is the ONLY baby in that part of the nursery and the nurse is nice enough to allow it.

 

I want to make sure that they do not retract him during this time, but am seriously stressed about it happening if no one is there to watch.

 

Any advice?

post #2 of 18

If they won't allow parents back there I'd be a bit concerned that they are hiding something. I mean, I don't want you to get stressed or anything but its something to consider. What other reasons can they come up with? He's your child and if you want to be there you should be able to. Make sure you give every nurse and every doctor notice of your decisions. Maybe buy a custom onesie, or make your own, stating the directions of "no circumcision and no retracting please". Also put a little sign with those instructions on his bassinet. Leave some informational papers with it too in case anyone tries to pressure you. Please be strong. They are not allowed to do anything you do not consent to. Good luck. Let me know how it turns out. Any other Mothering mama's have any suggestions? 

post #3 of 18
Thread Starter 

The reason they gave was privacy/germ exposure. They may or may not have multiple babies in that section of the nursery at any given time (in fact, there were no babies there during the tour and we went in). It does sound like if our little one is the only one, there's a pretty good chance that the nurse will allow it, since they show the room during the tours if no babies are there. But absolutely no chance if there are other babies. I do plan to have specific details in my birth plan ... good idea about printing out some good info sheets on intact care, too, though.

post #4 of 18
Ask them to bathe the baby in your room. That's really odd. As far as the circumsion it's your kid ignore what they have to say. You still have a few weeks you could ask to meet with whom ever is in charge of that department and state your concerns. Good luck.
post #5 of 18
If baby's healthy you should be able to have him stay with you at all times. I would insist on that. You can also decline the bath altogether, as delaying it a few days has some benefits.
post #6 of 18
Refuse the bath, and insist that any exams take place in your room. If they balk, point out that when you go to your well baby/child visits, you won't be passing off your kid to the nurse and sitting in the waiting room reading magazines during the exam, so you definitely won't be today. As the parent, you have the right to be present for all routine medical exams. if there's other babies in the nursery when the ped wants to do the exam, they can either come to your room or come back another time. It's not your responsibility to make the dr's job more convenient.
post #7 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by LiLStar View Post

Refuse the bath, and insist that any exams take place in your room. If they balk, point out that when you go to your well baby/child visits, you won't be passing off your kid to the nurse and sitting in the waiting room reading magazines during the exam, so you definitely won't be today. As the parent, you have the right to be present for all routine medical exams. if there's other babies in the nursery when the ped wants to do the exam, they can either come to your room or come back another time. It's not your responsibility to make the dr's job more convenient.


Yep.  You don't have to let the baby out of your site, and the bath is no good anyway.  Destroys the scent-matching that aids in breastfeeding and dries their skin out.

post #8 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by LiLStar View Post

Refuse the bath, and insist that any exams take place in your room. If they balk, point out that when you go to your well baby/child visits, you won't be passing off your kid to the nurse and sitting in the waiting room reading magazines during the exam, so you definitely won't be today. As the parent, you have the right to be present for all routine medical exams. if there's other babies in the nursery when the ped wants to do the exam, they can either come to your room or come back another time. It's not your responsibility to make the dr's job more convenient.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Galatea View Post
 


Yep.  You don't have to let the baby out of your site, and the bath is no good anyway.  Destroys the scent-matching that aids in breastfeeding and dries their skin out.

What they said!!!  While they have their reasons, you have yours.  It is your baby & you get to decide if you/your spouse stays w/ him.  Since they are already in the habit of taking babies, I wouldn't let that baby out of my/my spouses sight.  I don't want to scare you either, but I know of at least one baby who was circumcised (in Florida) after his parents declined it.  Some have made onesies w/ a black sharpie marker that says something like, "touch my penis & mom sues!"  You can also keep a sharpie w/ you & write it on every diaper he has on.  The idea of talking w/ the person in charge now, before your baby is born, is a reasonable idea.  I think if it were me, like I said, I just wouldn't let him out of my sight.  Also, consider going home w/in a short period (12 hours? 6 hours?) after he is born, provided you have a drug free birth & there are no complications (you may also want to discuss this w/ the baby's doctor - ped or family physician - to see if s/he would want to see the new baby sooner).  If you aren't there, they can't accidentally do anything, take him, bathe him, cut him.  It may be "against medical advice," but if there aren't medical issues, then there's no medical advice! :wink

 

Best wishes,

Sus

post #9 of 18
I refuse all non essential nursery care and my child does not leave my sight or that of DH. Once with DD2 I had to jump out of the shower and physically stop (while naked) an aide from wheeling the bassinet out of my room. Ugh. With this one being a boy, now there are more things to worry about!
post #10 of 18

I have the same problem. Not really looking forward to this portion of the process. It was a fight to not have our daughter removed from our presence multiple times while in the hospital. Although I don't think they took her diaper off during the exam (we were present for one and watched one through a window), but still. This time I'll have my husband do the first bath (he was supposed to help the nurse with it when we had our daughter, but he didn't really know what he was doing, but now he does) and just flat-out decline when they want to take baby to the nursery without us. Ugh.

 

I don't think the nursery is necessarily hiding anything, I think it's just paranoia about HIPAA and a parent potentially overhearing something about another baby, but ensuring HIPAA compliance is not *my* problem and I don't accept that as a reason that I should be separated from my *own* child. 

post #11 of 18
Rooming in is supposed to be a standard of care at any baby friendly hospital. Just keep your child with you at all times.
post #12 of 18
With my last, if the baby left the room DH was with him for every second! If DH was not allowed to go for some reason then the baby wasn't going. They were a package deal while we were in the hospital. All the nurses thought it was sweet and knew he was just being a protective father. None of them were offended or took it personally. (They did keep offering to take the baby at night so we "could rest" Um no thanks!)
I would still put a note in the bassinet with ALL your wishes. (Like- no circ. no retracting penis, no shots, no bottles, etc, etc) And I wrote it in my birth plan under the "newborn care" section, I also wrote in that area that if the baby leaves the room his father will accompany him or he will not leave the room PERIOD no ifs ands or buts
post #13 of 18

Yeah, it's sweet if dad is doing it... if mom is doing it then she's overprotective. :eyesroll This time I think I will just send my husband on these missions. After last time I'm confident he knows what's what. And then I won't have to stand during all this stuff. 

post #14 of 18
I just had my second boy 1/28 and he roomed in and I declined baths. They asked me several times and I just said I'd take care of it at home.

No one gave me any grief, but I was at a baby-friendly hospital that's very parent-centric.
post #15 of 18

This hospital turned out to be more cooperative than the one where we had our daughter. Us going with him for all procedures was a total non-issue. They brought up circumcision, we said no, and they said they don't do it without a signed consent form from the parents so it wouldn't get done by accident. They asked a couple more times but it was more in the sense of reviewing previous discussions to make sure that they had the right information, which I am in favor of in general--when you switch nurses, information might get miscommunicated, so I don't mind getting asked again to make sure we're all on the same page. We had 2 nursing students doing the first bath under supervision of their instructor. Before they got his diaper off I told them he wasn't circumcised and not to retract him at all, and they didn't bat an eye. 

post #16 of 18

That is so weird. Why do they even have to take him into an other room? The ped just came in and did a quick exam, then asked if we wanted to give our baby a bath ourselves. At least you should be able to give him a bath. I would be worried, too!

post #17 of 18

Well, I wanted my husband to do the bath, because I didn't feel up to standing for that long, but he wanted the students to do it. I think he felt unsure around a newborn again because it had been a little while. So there was that. He could have done it if he'd wanted to though.

 

I think they take them to the other room to examine because it is convenient; they can line up all the babies and the pediatricians can go right down the line and examine them all. The second morning when they came to get him we were seeing the lactation consultant, so he got bumped to the end of the line and when the time came they just came and examined him in our room, which was nice. It definitely ticked me off when we had our daughter and they flat-out refused to let us in the nursery with her. I could have fought it, but we were about to get discharged and I just wanted to get her examined so we could go home. 

post #18 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by JenVose View Post
 

The reason they gave was privacy/germ exposure. They may or may not have multiple babies in that section of the nursery at any given time (in fact, there were no babies there during the tour and we went in). 

If they will not allow a parent with him at all times, I would demand- DEMAND- they do the "check" and "bath" in your room. Don't let him out of your sight. My friends baby got formula because he got hungry and they wanted to let her (the mom) sleep. 

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