Yep, count me as another hover mother when near a pool or a railing that a child could reach....
Pool at MIL's house - wwyd? - Page 2
Poll Results: Would you leave your toddler at a relative's house with an un-fenced pool?
4% (2)Yes, absolutely. What's the problem?? My toddler would NEVER go near a pool!
21% (9)Yes, with restrictions. I'd ask MIL to have them only play INDOORS, nowhere near the pool.
73% (30)No way in hell. Drowning statistics don't lie: "Children younger than 5 represent nearly 75% of pool and spa deaths"
Good for you for sticking to your guns on this one.
I know a mother, she attended the same grief support group I attended in the last place I lived, whose child drowned in their pool with her and her parents present . He was nine and the situation was extremely unusual; I can't remember exactly what the medical event was called, but it wasn't negligence on anyone's part, and he was a very strong swimmer. Her husband blamed (still blames) them though, and the marriage ended extremely badly. The whole thing is extremely devastating.
If your MiL and DH think that this type of thing only happens to other people and couldn't happen to your child, they need a reality check. Children do die, and even when there is nothing that you could have done to prevent it, as a parent, you still have a tendency to replay it over and over and blame yourself. In this kind of scenario, the adult responsible would most likely never be able to come to terms with having been responsible for the very preventable death of a child. Not to mention that it would be very unlikely that you would ever forgive her if something did happen on her watch. The relationship, and possibly your marriage, would be destroyed. It's not worth it to try to "keep the peace" now because the likelihood of something join wrong is too high. Let them be annoyed; better annoyed than grieving the loss of a child with completely destroyed relationships.
You're doing the right thing.