I never use discussion boards.... this is the first time, but I am so mad and upset about the 'secret" my MIL asked my 8 year old daughter to keep from me.
This is not the first time she asked her to keep a secret. When my daughter was younger - about 3 - my MIL allowed her to ride in the front seat of the car without a car seat to the park while she was baby sitting. She asked my daughter not to tell me, but at that time she told me everything. I was so upset that she compromised her safety, even if it was only down the street. How close the park was did not allow her to go behind my back and ask my daughter to keep a secret!
My MIL's excuse has always been - "I raised three kids, I think I know what I'm doing". Well... that was one of the MANY irresponsible things she has done. Bringing her to the pool while she was still not confident swimming, letting her run around the pool and telling me I was over protective when I got upset that she was not a hand length away from her. Laughing at me because I was "neurotic". SHE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO SWIM - SHE IS THREE YEARS OLD - AND YOU CAN BARELY STAND ON YOUR OWN TWO FEET - HOW IN THE WORLD IS THAT BEING "NEUROTIC"! I am cautious and protective - yes. I worry about my little girl falling into a pool BECAUSE SHE CAN'T SWIM! OMG... it makes me crazy.
That was five years ago, and my daughter is a good swimmer now, but at that time she would take her to the pool when I asked her not to - and try to "keep it a secret".
I just could never trust her. She was always doing something I asked her not to do. When my daughter was two or three she asked her to go under the kitchen sink and bring her the AJAX - an opened container of AJAX. I was standing right there! Why didn't she ask me to get it for her - senseless. She would light candles all over her house and keep them in reachable areas. I would go over there and blow them out because my daughter would immediately be interested in them - she was young, a baby. She would tell me I was over-protective. Is it just me?? Really?
Anyway..... last night she came home from one of her almost daily trips to Nana's house. We were talking about the night before when she told me that Nana told her that if she says "Jesus Christ" she would go to hell! I told her not to listen to Nana...she has no idea what she's talking about, and that that upsets me that she would put the image of hell in her mind. Why would you tell an eight year old that she would go to hell??! I asked her not to mention to nana that I was upset to avoid any conflict. Well....she told Nana last night that I was mad about it. I spoke to my MIL and told her I was upset, and that she shouldn't put any vision of hell in my daughters mind. I spoke to my daughter and asked her why she mentioned it when I asked her not to and she said, "why, was it a secret?". I told her "No, it was just something I wanted to discuss with her first". So then she said...."Well, me and Nana have secrets, and she told me that if I told you what they were she would never tell me another secret again". That was it.... I had to know.
I told her that it was not good to keep secrets from your parents. That one secret becomes ten and then one hundred, and then before you know it there is a huge distance between us. I told her she is my only girl, my only child, and I am here to protect and love her forever, and that there is no reason to keep secrets from someone you love and trust. And that I would never be upset or mad by anything she told me. I told her it is important to be honest and open and never lose communication between us....never keep a secret because it is like telling a lie and it only gets worse. I asked her to tell me what it was and I promised I would not get upset, and that it would feel so much better to get it all out.
With all her might she could not tell me...she was afraid Nana would get upset and that she would be in trouble. I promised I would not be mad. She finally spit it out - "Nana lets me watch Investigation Discovery (I.D.) and I am addicted to it!". I had no idea what that was....I allow her to watch the Discovery Channel, she loves animals and learning. I asked her, "What is Investigation Discovery?". She told me, "It is other people killing and murdering other people". MY JAW DROPPED! Are you effin' kidding me? I tried with all my might to control my composure. I asked her if she was okay, and if she was scared or worried, or if she was having nightmares. I tried to explain how terrible the images that she has been watching are and that she is never to watch that ever again. I told her I wasn't upset with her, but very upset with Nana...VERY! I am without words.
For years I have had parental controls on my cell phone, computer, and TV. I change the channel when the news is on, and when two people are kissing! I have asked my MIL to do the same for years! My MIL told me in the past that I am sheltering her from the real world! SHE IS 8, not 18!
I don't know what to do. Do I keep her away from her grandmother? She lives 3 mins away! How do I explain my disgust to my husband? It's his mother! What upsets me the most is not knowing how it has affected my daughter mentally, psychologically. The visions that must be in her head. My daughter was so upset she told me she thought she was going to get sick. A sick secret to keep with your granddaughter! I can picture it.... them on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, watching people getting murdered and raped and killed - a grandmother and her granddaughter - "Don't tell your mommy or I won't ever tell you another secret again". I am sickened, shocked, disgusted, amazed...
I had to get it out. Is it me? Am I over-protective and neurotic? Sheltering my daughter from the real world? I don't think so....