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A few concerns I have

post #1 of 48
Thread Starter 
Okay I really want to do a UC and I've been gradually talking more and more with my husband about it. I haven't mentioned that it's my plan yet, but he knows it's on my mind. I have two concerns.

The first one is that my husband panics in emergency situations. I however do not. I can remain calm and rational. I think best under pressure, he does not. I am just a tiny bit worried that if something went wrong my husband would freak out. Anyone else have a husband who is the same way?

My second concern is if I do have to go to the hospital am I going to be in trouble if they figure out I planned a UC? I hate lying and I'm a very bad liar at that. So I would end up being honest if they asked me about it.

Another question I have is how do I go about getting a birth certificate? I live in Michigan. I looked it up online but it only brought up how to obtain a copy of a birth certificate.
post #2 of 48

I can't answer to your first; my husband does great under pressure. Our UC was his idea but he was adamant about having a disinterested 3rd party present; he hired the doula for him so he could focus on baby & have someone to keep eyes on me.

As to your second, we did transfer for retained placenta & they were wonderful. I didn't lie (homebirth midwives are few & far between & nigh inaccessible in western NC) & in fact had tried to pre-register & drop my records off before hand at 36 weeks explaining very sweetly we were planning a home birth & wanted to cover our bases in case of transfer. They looked at me like I had 3 heads, said they couldn't take them & wished me luck.

When the time came, we simply didn't admit the baby as she was fine, I needed the attention. The nurses were sweet, they were able to honor my request for a female practitioner which is no easy feat in our area & they wanted to hear all about it. The extraction was brutal, but I don't see how it could have been any other way. At least it was quick:)

IF you have a hospital experience, yours could vary greatly. If you do need services, confidence, gratitude & humility (birth is always humbling) in my experience, make for good relations.

Not sure about Mich., our Health Dept. does birth certificates.

post #3 of 48
I'm not positive how my husband is in emergency situations, I work in a hospital so I'm more familiar with it. But I figure if it arises I'll be able to at least mumble what to do, detect him to the binder. I have made a binder for my him with a list of possible complications, their defenitions/signs/symptoms, and how to resolve them. There's also an emergency guide in it, along with other useful things such as: how to prepare, what to do, who to call, etc.

Not sure about the transfer thing. I'll have to be honest since a majority of my pregnancy has been unassisted with no ob care (midwife care briefly in the beginning). I'm hoping that if it does come down to it, they won't be too rude considering I work in the same hospital.

Try looking into the recorder clerk's office for your county, that's how I found out in California. Also, I think on Laura shantley's website, she has a list for each of the states.
post #4 of 48
He did great at my second's home waterbirth (with a midwife), though there were no complications.
post #5 of 48
I was totally worried about the same thing with my husband. There were no complications though. All went well. But I was really nervous about how he'd do with me in transition and I didn't know how coherent I'd be. Although it was very intense I could always think straight. He asked me at one point if I wanted to go to the hospital. I sincerely hope he was joking but I forgot all about it. In the midst of transition and pain I still had the sense the yell a big NO out :-) and actually he did amazingly well reminding me it would all be over soon and taking care of me. With our first in hospital he was so nervous he couldn't even cut the cord. He said he'd pass out. With our uc not only did he cut the cord he caught the baby and cleaned up the whole mess after and was just amazing through the whole thing. Now afterward he says that was awesome and he's glad we chose uc and he can't quit bragging about it
post #6 of 48
Thread Starter 
I was planning on getting all the essential oils/herbs I need and making a list of what each is used for. I also found a used textbook on neonatal resuscitation for just in case. I would have my husbands sisters come over for support, but they are very pro hospital and that might not end well. I am afraid to mention my plans to anyone. Although my in-laws know a family in Akaska that the husband delivered all their children at home, so maybe they would be more receptive than I think. I just don't want my husband to freak out and not have any support, but I don't want anyone interfering when not necessary. I have had 3 children and all were hospital births. I don't want to go through a hospital birth again. I have had a hospital vbac and I had to be monitored and couldn't get out of bed. We considered a homebirth with a midwife, but the midwives seemed just as pushy as the doctors are. Plus financially we can't really afford a midwife. We are buying a house in the next couple of months and need a down payment, plus we pay for our own insurance. So frustrating! I just want to be able to birth how I want and how I feel comfortable. Unless a situation came about I'd need intervention.
post #7 of 48
Thread Starter 
My husband also was queasy for our vbac. He about passed out too. So maybe the fact that he has no choice but to be strong and not freak out will help?
post #8 of 48

honestly i would think probably. i cant say for sure. i dont know him. but i think often in any person when really put to the test they find a strength in them that even they didnt know was there :) i think most likely it will be just fine. I'd be more concerned about all the extra people there that you sound like you arent even sure you want there. although, you've had multiple children. maybe you know yourself more in labor than i know myself. this past uc was my first natural birth. i honestly went into it hoping to have my two yr old daughter there, and a friend of mine. the friend didnt show up. still have no clue what that was about and my daughter slept through it. but i think it happened absolutely perfectly...i didnt handle the intensity and contractions that well...i was very loud and dramatic i think...i ended up being glad nobody but my husband saw me that way...:)

post #9 of 48
Originally Posted by Maria26 View Post

The first one is that my husband panics in emergency situations. I however do not. I can remain calm and rational. I think best under pressure, he does not. I am just a tiny bit worried that if something went wrong my husband would freak out. Anyone else have a husband who is the same way?



It's good that you're cool under pressure, but I'd want at least one other person present who can also keep their cool.  There are a number of situations that can occur that would require another person to actively assist.  For example, if you end up with a shoulder dystocia you may need active assistance from someone to help you resolve it.  It's simply not physically possible to effectively apply suprapubic pressure on yourself.  Another situation would be resolving nuchal arms, which may be difficult or impossible to do yourself.  The last thing that comes to my mind is a postpartum hemorrhage.  If you lose a lot of blood quickly, you need someone present who can take over and manage a transfer.  No matter how cool you are, you won't be thinking so clearly if you've lost quite a bit of blood.  Finally, I think both of you should seriously consider getting some training in neonatal resuscitation (not the same as infant CPR).


I'm a little less enamored of intuition than some others.  You should definitely follow your intuition, but the decisions that you make should be guided by a detailed knowledge of the mechanics of birth and procedures that may (but hopefully won't!) need to be performed if you encounter a complication.


(Last note: it's essential that you keep detailed records of your prenatal care and be prepared to bring them to the hospital in the event of a transfer.  A lot of women end up with transfers that are more traumatic than they need to be because the hospital is forced by their own policies to treat them as someone who has no prenatal care.  That will up the stress level quite a bit.)


Best of luck in figuring this out!

post #10 of 48
Thread Starter 
This is my fourth child and I'm very familiar with the mechanics of birth. I do not have a history of shoulder dystocia and my vbac baby was my biggest baby at 8lbs 3oz. He popped right out after five minutes of pushing without any complications. I know there is still a risk for it, but highly unlikely. Obviously we would go over absolutely everything before the big day and what to do. If he decided he can't do it then we'd change plans. I'm currently seeing an OB for my husband's peace of mind. As for any bleeding that doesn't stop on it's own I plan to have shepard's purse on hand, if that isn't effective obviously we'd transfer.
post #11 of 48
Thread Starter 
I've never witnessed him in an emergency situation in all honesty. I've only witnessed him when the kids get out of hand. He gets stressed out then. I've never seen him when he has situations come up at work either. I know he does what he needs to when things happen at work. So I guess I used poor choice of words. I am just going by when he is home and the kids get loud and out of hand. He just gets stressed and has to go outside to have a cigarette (yuck!). So maybe I'm just overthinking this.
post #12 of 48

It's good that you're seriously thinking these things through in advance.  The one thing I'd say is that the more you know-- the more confident you are in your knowledge of what SPECIFIC steps to take in response to complications-- the more calm you are going to be going into labor and the better your chances are for a good experience.  Being scared of complications isn't overthinking. It's being wise.

post #13 of 48
I also have a husband who doesn't do well under pressure. It really didn't go well with my first as he just stood there frightened while I was battered and abused in the hospital. I hired a doula this time to help prevent a repeat.

Are you open to having an assisted pregnancy? There are many women who have a mw throughout the pregnancy then just don't call when they go into labour. This is the situation I might be in, haven't decided yet. Then if I had to go to hospital I could say I had a midwife and waited until it was too late to call. If you don't want to lie you could say you had a mw but decided not to call.

I had an awful experience at the hospital with my first despite that I was trying very hard to e reasonable without agreeing to an unnecessary c-section (fr failure to progress) so I'm not as optimistic that they wouldn't treat you badly but really I'm not sure what you could do to avoid that other than go there for your labour and say yes to absolutely everything, and even then who knows, people with immense power can behave horribly.

Sorry that last part wasn't too positive. My doula is woman centered (read feminist) and regularly defends women on the hospital so I'm counting on that helping if i have to go, which hopefully I won't.

Good luck to you! It's hard to decide but I guess my advice would be to hire a doula.
post #14 of 48
I now see in post 10 that u have an ob. Hopefully that'll make them nicer if you have to go in, which you probably won't.
post #15 of 48
Thread Starter 
I've never had a great experience with hospitals. I've used both our local hospital and the next closest one which is an hour away. The farther one was better, but still not great. They always have to push you around and tell you what to do. I don't want to be strapped to a monitor the whole time again. When I had my vbac I couldn't move at all without them rushing in to tell me to be still because my moving was interfering with the baby monitor. They put me on pitocin to speed up my labor and I ended up begging for an epidural. I couldn't handle the epidural. My heart rate kept dropping and I came very close to passing out. My third was supposed to be a vbac but my OB waited until 36 weeks to claim she didn't realize I had a c-section. She was the one who did my c-section for my first! So we were going to do a homebirth but I went into labor at 37 weeks. We waited until we figured it was too late to safely do a c-section, but the OB coerced me into one anyhow. My husband was supposed to be the strong one and put his foot down, but the OB scared him into thinking it was safest to do one. So I'd like to avoid all that stuff. My husband asked me if we could just get a doula for the hospital but I don't think that will help too much. I don't really know for sure how much they can do. I know the hospital will be adamant about me being constantly monitored especially me being a vba2c. I could wait until the last minute to go in, but I still won't be able to avoid the other things I hate about hospitals. Like for example they don't let you actually hold your baby until they spend 15 minutes checking them out. I would like to do delay cord clamping, I don't want the eye ointment, and I'd like the option to nurse as soon as the baby is born. Not to mention I want to be in whatever position feels best when I deliver. I need to just write all this down and have my husband read it. He hasn't completely shot down the idea of a UC, so there's hope.
post #16 of 48

I know a woman who was doing an hbac for her second birth and her uterus ruptured from the scar. She made it to the hospital in time and her and babe are totally fine. It's my understanding that uterine rupture is very rare but that when it does happen you'll probably be fine if you're close to the hospital.


Obviously i can't say what i'd do in your situation because i'm not in it. But i can say that i've already decided that there's no way in hell i'm going to go to the hospital unless there's a medical reason. I would much rather take the risks of doing an unassisted birth at home, and me and babe dying at home, than go the hospital and risk them killing me and babe like they very well could have last time.

post #17 of 48
If the midwives in your area seem to be not what you're looking for, you might talk to some doulas and see if they would be comfortable with being at a UC. A doula could support you and your husband. Just the presence of another person who has seen births happen might comfort him even if that person isn't there in a medical role. Also, if you have friends or acquaintances in the area you could selectively ask around to see if anyone is supportive of UC.

I found it helpful to have people willing to be involved but only people who were completely supportive. Anyone who thought they had a right to be there or who knew better than me was not invited.

One way to bring it up is to say something like- I just want to give birth by myself in bed/ in the bathtub/under the stars/whatever. You can explain it as your earnest desire or you can laugh to make light of it. But you'll either hear omg that's dangerous! Tell me you're joking! ... Or Why not? That sounds great. Or something in between that might lead you to supportive people. For me, no way in hell would I just honestly tell someone that I was planning a UC unless I knew they were 100 percent supportive.
post #18 of 48
Originally Posted by Viola P View Post

I know a woman who was doing an hbac for her second birth and her uterus ruptured from the scar. She made it to the hospital in time and her and babe are totally fine. It's my understanding that uterine rupture is very rare but that when it does happen you'll probably be fine if you're close to the hospital.

Not quite.

The rate of uterine rupture is somewhere between .5-1% for VBA1C and up to 3-4% for VBAMC. It's about .07% for all births.

One of the larger and more rigorous studies showed a neonatal death rate of around 2.6% when ruptures occurred in the hospital. This went up to 6% when the rupture occurred outside of the hospital.

Another study looked at outcomes based on the time between rupture and delivery. There was a very, very clear correlation between delayed delivery and bad outcomes for the baby. Babies who were delivered within 18 minutes did pretty well. as a group. All of the cases where babies suffered serious brain damage occurred when there was a 30-40 minute delay.

Here's the kicker: the clock started when fetal distress was detected through a monitor. A lot of people think that uterine rupture is really obvious, but it isn't. The first sign is cardiac decels. That's why most OBs will want to use continuous monitoring for a VBAC. In a UC environment it's quite likely that substantial time will elapse before it becomes clear that a rupture has even occurred.

Even if you catch it immediately, I have a hard time imagining that you're going to get from your living room to an OR in less than half an hour, even if you're 5 minutes away.

This is obviously a highly personal decision, and I understand why some might find the risks acceptable, but, speaking personally, UBACs scare the heck out of me.
post #19 of 48
The woman I know who's uterus ruptured said she knew it happened immediately because the pain was a totally different kind of pain and it was way more intense

6% (neonatal death) of 4% (high end muliple c section hbac) is 0.24%.
post #20 of 48
If you don't live right across the hospital is there a swanky hotel nearby? This doesn't look like a half bad option to me!

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