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My girlfriend and her pregnant sister - differing views on circumcision

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 


I just wanted to ask some advice my gf sister is due in 2 months and i am about to try and persuade them not too cut,  but they are the kind of couple you hope just has girls ;(   But i cant sit back and not say anything because its a defenseless child and maybe in 15-20 years i can tell him I stood up for him even when his only family wouldnt.  I think what makes talking about this so difficult is because you have to argue with the people that should want to protect the child the most. I have told my gf that i dont want this to happen to our child and she for the most part thinks its ok or all the info i tell her is not true.  It makes me mad bc i think she will be a great mom but I just have a hard time trusting her opinion now knowing that if she thinks circ is ok, what else is she behind the times on with child care she watches alot of children and is really excited for her sisters child me not so much with this situation.  I am not cut but have a short forskin that barely covers the head and she thinks im lying and that I am circed no matter how much i try and tell her im not.  I didnt tell her but i have kept my forskin retracted my entire life bc i didnt want to look different and didnt know what girls would think of it.  But dont want to tell her that bc that wont help my argument lol.  I think she would just not be used to it or could it possibly be that she doesnt want to have a child with an "ugly penis"? and she would feel embarassed around her friends and family.  My family never did this because its not done on my dads side and it was done on my moms side of the family buyt my mother is a medical assistant and before we were born she assisted with circs and said it was so horrible that she couldnt allow it to happen to us.


question 1

Any way I can bring this up with my gf sister and her husband I am pretty close to them,  I just have to say something the child deserves it.  I just think he should have the opportunity to know his whole body and be able to enjoy it as i have


question 2

In terms of my gf who would give consent.  Lets just say we have a child and in the hospital I (the father) say no i dont consent but she wants to will they go with her decision since she is the mother?  Of course I hope it wont come to that i hope i can change her mind by then have atleast 2-3 years before getting married or kids or thats the plan lol. but for the sake of argument what would happen here?


question 3

I am not sure yet but im sure my gf sister and husband will not want to watch the circ.  Just put their head in the sand and wait till its over.  My sister is excited for the birth I told her she should go for the circ instead to support the child.  Would that ever be possible bc I think if she were to see how awful it is that may change her mind about her own child.  And this childs loss wouldnt be in vain possibly some good could come from it.


sorry for being so long winded never posted but use the info on here anytime i hear someone's having a boy

post #2 of 10

First, you might try the angle that it should be the baby who gets to decide what his penis gets to look like. It IS HIS penis after all, and this is not something that there should be any urgency over.  What would they say to him if at, say age 18, he asks why they cut off the most sensitive part of his penis. once it's gone, that foreskin is gone for ever.


The other thing you might try is to get them to watch a couple of videos. Try www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org - there are some great ones there, including "Elephant in the hospital" which I think illustrates the absurdity of RIC very well.


Good luck!  Let us know how you make out.

post #3 of 10

it is usually the mother who holds the power to circ, but if you find yourself in the position of being the only one to object, i would urge you to be loud and clear and in writing to the hospital and OBs and nurses and any medical professionals who come into contact with a future son, that you are the father and you object to having your child circumcised. they might be less inclined to do it if they know it is against your wishes, and could land them in trouble legally.


if i were you, i would try to stay objective and low key, but steadfast in your objection to circumcision.


re: your own intactness, are you still keeping your own foreskin retracted all of the time? does that not desensitize the head of your penis over time? if your girlfriend thinks you are circumcised but you are not, why do you keep the foreskin retracted? perhaps i mis-read or mis-understood your point there.

post #4 of 10
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the info, I have a short forskin, when I was about 5 I learned about it bc I looked different from my cousins and my mom explained it. So shortly after that I maybe age 9-10 I started keeping the it back all the time and soon found it to to be more comfortable so any time it rolled over I pushed it back and it eventually started staying back on its own, I just didn't want to look different and now I don't have to worry about that the gf doesn't believe me. I don't know if its desensitized but possibly.
post #5 of 10
Thread Starter 

last night my gf and her mom were arguing about who gets to watch the birth of the child and ofcourse I said whoever doesnt get to can watch the circ.  My gf still doesnt believe im intact i had to have her text my mother to find out lol,  my mom told her that it was horrible and she couldnt do that to us.  She told her after 1 circ the dr asked her if she wanted to use the foreskin for fishing bait!  I told my gf that she should watch the circ to get an idea bc her sister will just want to put her head in the sand and wait till its over.  My gf response "thats what im gonna do when we have kids"!!!  She so great with kids but still doesnt agree with me on this issue.  It really hurts my feeling that she isnt supportive.  I dont understand why she is like this?

post #6 of 10

Why does she think violating a child's human rights and dramatically diminishing his sexual pleasure, not to mention his future partner(s)', is the best choice?


If all she can do is say she does not believe the reports and resources you send, then it sounds like she is being irrational.  Does she provide references for her assertion(s) that it is best to circumcise?


In my view, someone needs to do a lot more than simply say I don't believe that.  they need to explain rationally why their view is reasonable and valid, at least from their perspective.



post #7 of 10

See if the friend and his wife/gf will watch a video of a circ and/or read a link on circ complications. It they are okay w/ rated R language and some nudity, the Penn and Teller video is good. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoGwjeRRkTQ


For a great video without any cursing or nudity, try The Elephant in the Room - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ceht-3xu84I .


Complications:  http://www.drmomma.org/2010/05/death-from-circumcision.html


Lastly, there is no way I would marry/have children with someone not on the same page with me on the circumcision issue. You should have a serious heart to heart with your current girlfriend, share the same links with her, and let her know you can't get serious with someone who would put a child at risk for no medical reason. I'd make sure it's not an issue before it becomes one, if that makes sense.

Good luck!

post #8 of 10

  I let my husband decide with our children, but you really need to have a frank discussion with your girlfriend.  If any of the women you've slept with haven't noticed that you've been retracting it and your not circed they must be blind.  I would bet she knows.  On the sister,  I would be pissed right off if someone tried to discuss my future child's genitals with me.  It is honestly none of your business.

post #9 of 10
Thread Starter 
Would it be possible for my gf to view her nephews circ at the hospital
That way it would possibly change her view and then if it doesn't ill just explain
To her that even though she thinks that it's not happening to our children? I think
She just doesn't want a baby w an "ugly penis" has anyone had to deal w
People saying bad things about that ?
post #10 of 10
Thread Starter 
I was arguing w the gf and her friend That is a nurse she
Was talking about medical reasons to do it. I had to stop her bc
She was making me sick, kinda scary hearing medical ppl talk
Like that. My gf still thinks its ok bc that's what her family does.
It feels like an attack on me bc it's like saying the way u are isn't
Good enough for our children and that hurts me. I basically told her
She's gna have to get over it bc it's not gna happen. Atleast she had a few
Years to learn.
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