The Dating Thread

[wemoon]

Ok, spill it Mama's...when's your date, who's it with and give us DETAILS!

The guy I was going to meet last weekend fell through, he IMed me that he was ill. And called this evening and does sound ill, sniffling and croaky sounding. Poor guy. But we have plans of meeting next weekend at the May Day parade. I will have my kids with me, but we can make it very casual as it will be a parade, festival-type atmosphere, yk? I'm going to see if my X's sister will be able to go with me (she is like my best friend IRL) but she is DUE with a baby like right now, so I'm not sure if she will want to...

So anyways, wanted to get that DATING thread started that we were talking about

[dreadmama]

Well I'll just be lurking on this thread! The closest I came to dating was being hit on at the Earth Day Festival last weekend! I had tripped and sprained my ankle while setting up my booth... but worked the show anyway. So afterwards the massage therapist across the isle asked if I wanted a foot massage to help with the sprain. He gave me a very nice foot massage and we exchanged cards, etc. Very business like so I didn't think twice about it. He and his friend helped me load the heavy stuff in my car and then when I'm about to drive away the friend says "So how many kids do you have?" I say 1. He asks "you're single, right?" (cause he read my WAHM brochure!) and I say yes. Then he says that I should consider dating his friend cause he's single too!! It took all I could manage not to laugh in their faces. I said thanks for flattering me but I'm not dating again in this decade and thanked them again for helping me load my car.

It was kinda flattering, even though I'd never consider dating anyone right now (feeling like never but who knows what will happen later). I wonder if he'd have asked me out if I'd said 7 kids?!

Good luck on your dates everyone; I'm looking forward to going out on these vicarious dates!

Peace,
Karen

[Holland73]

Well, my date is on Saturday, May 1, but we have been talking almost nightly, via MSN, for the past 2.5 weeks.

He is really great, I am so surprised! We met via the internet, which is why I have waited for 2.5 weeks to meet him, but so far things are fun and exciting! He even sent me the sweetest e-card on Monday because we weren't going to be able to MSN that evening, he takes tap dance lessons on Monday evenings. Also, come to find out, he is the colleague of my friend's sil's brother...did you catch that???? And they rave about him and what a great guy he is!

Talking with him has made me realize that I am not as "screwed" up as I thought I was. Made me realize, my stbx is the screwed up, unhealthy one...not me! Granted, I already knew he was, but it is nice to feel like I am whole again, especially in such a short amount of time. I have been talking about all of this in my therapy sessions and through these sessions, I have realized I am definitely ready for this!

Can I share his "stats" with you all?? I am just so excited, this is so much fun! It is has been so long!!!

Age: 37 (an older man...I am only 30 )
Never been married, no children
5'7-5'9 (not as tall as I would like, my stbx is 6'7"---I am only 5'3" )
Short blond hair
blue eyes
He is an Electrical Engineer working for the University of Amsterdam (I live in Holland)
Has a wonderful relationship with his parents and sister, which was VERY important because of my experiences with stbx and his childhood of abuse and abandonment.
He plays the drums, takes tap and lindy hop (swing dancing) lessons, rock climbs and skis!!!

The best thing is that he is always asking about ds, he is very understanding when I have to leave MSN for 20 minutes because ds is crying ("He needs some attention from his Mommy"--that is what he says )--we only MSN after ds goes to bed, he also asks about stbx because he knows that he is also a big part of my life (stbx and I have a very good "co-parenting" relationship)...all in all, he is just a really nice guy!

Now, what will happen...I honestly don't know. : I am very optimistic, but because I feel so secure with myself and my situation, being a single mommy, I guess it doesn't bother me about what may or may not happen! All I know is I have a great time talking to him, he has a lot of potential for me as a possible partner and it is just FUN!!!!

Sorry this is so long, I just really, really wanted to share this with you all! It is nice to share this kind of stuff with other single mommies...my married and single with no children friends just don't always completely understand!

Thanks for letting me share!!!!

[wemoon]

Heather, sounds wonderful! I was smiling reading your post cause I could tell your excitement!

Ok, stats for the guy I'm going to meet:

Age: 32 (I'm 26)
Divorced, with one DD age 7, I believe?
Graduating from college this year with a degree in Social Services
Member and Activist for Veterans for Peace (he was in the Gulf War)
Works with ADD/ADHD kids in group settings
Is a craftsman wit wood, builds his own furniture
Wants to buy land and build his own house, like Mother Earth-style...self sufficient etc
COOKS and shops at his co-op, eats minimal meat
Wants family life and more kids

He sounds like an absolute dream. I can't wait to meet him. We have been chatting for about a month, I'd say online and on the phone. So hopefully this weekend I will meet him!

[magnoliablue]

I know I do not belong on this thread with you guys, but I wanted to let you know I am happy for all of you..and to let you know that the wonderful guy I met online almost three months ago is still just as wonderful...kids love him, his kids and family love me, and it is getting VERY serious..we are talking about his moving to be closer to me so he can see and get to know my kids more(he is 2 hours away and the weekends they are with their dad, so I go up to his place)

Good men are out there, be sure of that! Peace, Karen

[L.J.]

Hi!
I decided to try internet dating about 2 months ago.
Met a great guy online. We chatted for a few weeks online & on the phone before we met.
We've had 3 dates so far...the first was 4 hours.
He's really nice, very interesting, we have a lot of common interests. He's a very involved dad & seems to be very respectful of his kid.....even co-sleeps.
We're taking things slowly....which is nice & so far so good.
We've both spent the past few years licking our wounds & working on ourselves. We've both been separated about the same time & both started to look at dating around the same time.
I'll keep you posted
~ L.J.

[Patchy Dragon]

Good Luck on your dates Ladies!!

[mocha09]

Wemoon, that guy sounds pretty awesome.

Which one of you has the tattooed wedding wing? I forget. How does that come into play when dating?

Anyway, lurking happily..... :

[Soul-O]

Good luck with these dates, everyone - we all deserve to have some flirtation and attention from the opposite sex now and then .

I wouldn't exactly call my event a "date" - rather, I'm going bodysurfing with some co-workers on Saturday May 8 (had to change the date - the house I'm selling closes escrow on May 6 and I need to move the rest of my stuff out of it this weekend), and one of them is bringing along her single brother, who is a 35 year old dentist. I understand he is extremely cute and very witty - also that he likes petite redheads (i.e. me ), so I'm hoping he will be interesting to hang out with for the day.

Looking forward to hearing the reports from everyone!

[ethan'smamaCT]

I hope you all don't mind my sneaking in here. I am considering divorce right now and reading all of what you guys are enjoying makes me feel like there is hope for after all this is over. Hopefully you will enjoy knowing that you have brought a certain sense of relief to a very angsty Mommy. Have fun, all of you!!!

[Holland73]

Non-dating ladieS: please sneak, lurk, comment and help those of us "dating" single mommies through this new phase! You have a different "perspective" on all of this, which could be very beneficial to us all!

Wemoon, I agree, without putting on too much pressure, he seems like a real gem! Please keep us updated!!!

I notice that a lot of single mommies tend to date single daddies...to be completely honest, I don't know if I would want to date a single daddy. Positively, absolutely no offense to SingleDad, if you are reading this! I like the fact that ds is the "only" child involved...does this make sense? Am I being ridiculous about this? Any thoughts????

L.J., what did you do on your first date? How often do you guys talk? I like the fact that you both are on the same "timetable", that is nice and I would think very helpful!

Last, but not least, magnoliablue...I would like to think you are always welcome on this board! I know that you were a big help to me during my initial rough times, we even had a couple of PMs. (we need a smiley with a Thank you sign) So, I think your advice and thoughts are greatly needed...kind of a been there, done that, sort of thing! I know I have a few questions for you, especially in regards to the new partner and meeting the children! I am not at the point, but I would like to get some thoughts while I am on my way!

Man, I am long-winded today! :

[wemoon]

Heather, I would mostly prefer someone that is not a full-time dad. I honestly can't see meshing lives with someone who has a live-in child. But I can see being with a weekend dad.

I will keep you all updated, Sunday is fast approaching...He does just sound wonderful, and if he lived up to even half of what he says it would be a 110% improvement over X.

[AnnMarie]

Originally Posted by Soul-O

I'm going bodysurfing with some co-workers on Saturday May 8

Is that what they are calling it these days? :LOL

I wish everyone luck on their dates!

[L.J.]

Holland
We weny for lunch and after 2 hours we moved to a bookstore & hung out there for another 2 hours.

I met several men online with no kids or older kids and they didn't really "get" my parenting & they weren't very understanding about my timetable, etc. There are probably lots of men out there without kids that would be great though.

The guy I've been seeing has a little girl who is in between the ages of my boys. In some ways I think it's great. We are both doing similar things & can take the kids places together for lots of casual dates, etc. It does pose more difficulty with scheduling and it also adds one other person that has to fit into the mesh of this thing if it continues to evolve.

I think you'll find whoever is "right" for you & whether or not they have kids will not matter.

[mocha09]

[QUOTE=AnnMarie]Is that what they are calling it these days? :LOL

[brusselsprout]

Originally Posted by mocha09

Which one of you has the tattooed wedding wing? I forget. How does that come into play when dating?

That is me. I had started wearing just a regular ring over it, but my sil said it looked like an engagement ring and made me take it off when I went out. He never commented on it....maybe he thought I used to be in a gang or something :LOL My exhusband is being ordered to pay for it's removal as part of the divorce settlement, so I guess I am going to look into getting that done, and from now on any declarartions of love can come with a big ol rock attached (I am so just kidding, I totally don't even care about things like that).

You guys have so much fun! Sounds like you guys are meeting some really great guys.

And to you mamas that are in more long term relationships now....how do you do it? Maybe I am making it harder than it needs to be, but stbx lives cross country, so does not have visitation, and since I am commited to the children not meeting someone unless I know it is going to be long term it seems almost impossible to pursue anything other than the most casual friendship....Maybe it is because I have a really hard time convincing anyone to babysit? Or maybe it is because I know my family would disapprove at this point....Or maybe it is because that is all I am ready for and I will see a way to make it happen if I become ready for more I dunno

[Dar]

I'm dating! And I'm kind of excited, because last night was date #2 and it was really great, and I really like this guy.... and I've been single forever, and wasn't even interested in dating for a long time after Rain was born - just no time or energy for it, and I had to get myself healthy first - and now I can't believe I've met such a great guy.

He's 44 (I'm 36) and has 3 kids, two boys who are 14 and 16 and a 6 yr old daughter, and he has them all every other week. I've heard him on the phone with them and I like the way he talks to them, very respectful and friendly. I've heard him working things out with the boys, listening and negotiating, and once his daughter called to have him listen to a song. My daughter is 11, so there's a pretty big gap age-wise, and I think that's good, too...

He has degrees from Stanford and MIT and recently he was CFO for a company I know you've all heard of, but now he's trying to sort of figure out what he really wants to do with his life... which I think is a good thing. He seems to be really thinking about the big questions, and out goals and ideas seem to match up pretty well... and he's interesting to talk to, and we laugh a lot together.

Date #1 was dinner and ice cream, and lasted about 4 hours. Date #2 was a walk down by the river and then lots of talking and skipping rocks, and then large amounts of sushi (yum!), and lasted 5 1/2 hours. Date #3 will probably be this Sunday....

Dar

[magnoliablue]

Thank you Holland, for the compliments.. I will never stray from this board because I also got a lot of support through this year, and made a lot of good friends!

To answer your question about how it is dating a single dad..I love it. He has two sons, 13 and 17, and the 17 year old is really wrapped up in the teen life. We see the 13 year old at least one day every other weekend, and he is an awesome kid. He has really welcomed me and I enjoy hanging with him.

My bf loves my kids and has really helped with my oldest, who has had the hardest time with the divorce. His seeing his own sons go through it has really helped him give my son advice when he asks for it.

The only rough spot is my ex..lol..big surprise. He hates the thought of the kids getting close to my bf, but he will just have to deal. He tries to guilt my oldest when he talk about the time he spends with my bf, which sucks, but we are getting through it day by day.

There are some other rough waters you have to navigate when things get more serious, and we are reaching those right now..but he is a great guy and really puts the kids feelings first, and that makes him even more special.

I have to say I am the happiest I have been in a very long time. I was driving down the road one day, and I had this feeling come over me I could not explain. Then it hit me.. It was peace. I had not a care in the world, I was free and everything was tranquil. I love that feeling, I hope it stays around for a while.

[L.J.]

Okay, my guy has just confirmed he's coming for dinner tomorrow night! I'm already getting a pit in my stomach! He cooks gourmet......so what was I thinking?!?!?!? I know he'll be cool with anything I serve. He's easy going & also very attentive.

I'm completely excited to see him again. It will be our shortest date yet (only 2 hours -- LOL) because he has to be somewhere for work after. It will still be great to get together again.

I am also a little stressed because I got my haircut this week & it's shorter than I'd like.......I was thinking of trying to counterbalance that with a low cut shirt!!! LOL (Might as well take advantage of my breastfeeding breasts while I can!)

I feel like I'm 16 all over again. But with my heart racing like this, I know I'm still alive!

[Soul-O]

Body Surfing is basically diving straight into the ocean waves - it's a great rush, especially when the weather is hot and the water is cold (typical So. CA pattern).

Hopefully I won't blind anyone when I show my lilywhite legs in a bathing suit!