The Dating Thread - Page 8

[wemoon]

I want a sex buddy! WHA! LOL!!! I think that maybe at this time that is all I want, I want to take my time finding a soul mate, but going without the sex is hard. Can you have a sex buddy that you really have nothing in common with? Cause there is this guy....... but I would never in a million years consider him for a long term, so I've just stayed away from him.

Heather GREAT post! And I think that is where I may miss the boat, I want a LTR and I should just take it as it comes instead of getting all bent out of shape when a guy decides he is not interested.

I'm trying to NOT look right now, and I hope someone just lands in my lap LOL! But it is hard for me to not look, but I am being less fervent about it so that is good.

[Holland73]

I think the person you choose to be sex buddies with should be someone that you respect, and he for you, and you can communicate with. Otherwise, it can become a bit messy, emotionally speaking of course! :LOL

Wemoon, I wouldn't leave everything to "fate", I think you still need to keep your eyes open and pursue any "options" that come your way...that is what I am doing.

[wemoon]

Right, I totally will pursue options, there is no way I can just sit back and wait for the soul mate to walk through my door.

[brusselsprout]

Haven't been around lately much. I will try to catch up on this thread in a bit....

I have a date on Thursday but I have a feeling there is going to be a serious lack of chemistry. That is fine this guy and I have talked alot and I think we will be really good friends, and who can't use some more good friends

[L.J.]

Wow....there's been a lot happening on this thread that I'd like to comment on.

First, I think there are different ways of dating & as long as everyone knows the expectations/boundaries up front, I think it can be wonderful. I think there are times when just dating as friends is best, when just having sex is okay and when it is appropriate for two people to move toward something long term. I think different situations arise at different points in our lives and as long as you and the other person are clear on your agenda, I think it's great.

I also think there are times when people are best not to date. I have been separated for 3 years and I don't think I even looked at a man for at least 2 years. I had so much on my plate, lots of things I wanted to resolve & work on personally. I had absolutely nothing to give & knew any relationship I entered would be a complete & total disaster. But then last year I started to notice the mailman, the guy at the supermarket, the paramedic walking down the street, etc. etc. and I knew that I was getting ready to get back out there again. It still took me a few months to get used to the idea that I would date again and now I've jumped right back into it.

I have had relationships in the past that are just sexual and although they can be great to "get it out of your system", I have found that evenutally, the sex seems empty & lonely and is missing something important......the intimacy & emotional connection. I think they can work really well for awhile, but I'm not sure how long they are satisfying (IMO).

I think the best way to go into any relationship is open & honest both with yourself & your partner.

I hope everyone is still having lots of fun & I know that we are all learning so much. I enjoy our little sisterhood here and the opportunity to share our experiences!

[Holland73]

[QUOTE=L.J.]

I have had relationships in the past that are just sexual and although they can be great to "get it out of your system", I have found that evenutally, the sex seems empty & lonely and is missing something important......the intimacy & emotional connection. I think they can work really well for awhile, but I'm not sure how long they are satisfying (IMO).
[QUOTE]

I agree with you completely. I have also had sex buddies in the past and know exactly how they play out in the long run, but, to be honest, that is fine for the time being. No, it won't last long and it is a good way to "get it out of my system", so I take it as it is and get out before it brings me down.

[Soul-O]

I'm pleased to see that so many of us are having satisfying dating experiences, however they come to us. I'm seeing the firefighter this evening, and I'm thinking that I'll need to have a talk with him about how I'm feeling. It won't be the dreaded "relationship" talk - it is much too soon for that - but I think I need to let him know that as much as I like him and feel a strong chemistry (much stronger than anyone else I've ever been out with!), I'm still feeling vulnerable and scared, and I don't want to get hurt. It's so hard - I look at this guy with his kids and mine, and see "family" - not "dating". I'd like to think that because we are both good parents and we are making an effort to get the kids used to each other that perhaps he is serious about wanting to possibly have a relationship with me in the future, but who knows....

I think my new mantra should be "don't overanalyze!"

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by Soul-O

I think my new mantra should be "don't overanalyze!"

I think that should be all women's mantra!

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by Soul-O

I think my new mantra should be "don't overanalyze!"

I think that should be all women's mantra!

[Soul-O]

Update

We packed a lot into two hours yesterday (I got to his house about 5:30 then had to leave at 7:30 to pick up the boys from stbx). We talked, watched part of the Lakers/Pistons game, ate dinner, and.... messed around a bit . I guess I'm in a better place than I thought I'd be because I feel great today, not weird, and I really enjoyed being touched by someone who isn't out to hurt or coerce me. He even left me a sweet message last night telling me that he enjoyed relaxing with me and appreciated me. I won't talk to him until Sunday probably (he's on duty until Sat. a.m., and I'm moving on Saturday), but I feel very confident now about the direction of this friendship. If it turns into something permanent, great. If not, at least I'm enjoying myself in the process.

[L.J.]

Soul-O

[wemoon]

Yay! Sounds really wonderful!

[Holland73]

Good for you, Soul-O!!!!

[brusselsprout]

what do you guys think about dating younger men? : :

I am 31, I have been e-mailing this guy that is incredible, likes so many of the same things as me, is giving of his time and money, thinks the same way as I do politically and religiously.....but he is 23

I don't know if I have a problem with it or not....maybe I am just scared to be with someone who seems so compatible....he actually seems very mature, more mature than my ex is at 32!!

[wemoon]

I kinda have an issue with dating younger guys, but if the right person came along and we were compatable then the age wouldn't matter. I just have this thing that guys seems to mature much more slowly compared to women, so I'm looking for someone in their 30's since I'm in my late 20's....but really age has nothing to do with maturity.

[L.J.]

The person matters more than age.
There are men in their 20's who are mature......and there are men in their 40's who are immature.
If you connect, I'd think it would be worth exploring. A little time will let you see how mature he really is and if it really makes a difference or not.
You go, girlfriend!

[L.J.]

So, yesterday I hung out with my guy again.....for all of an hour or two (in amongst the crap with my ex).

I totally blocked out the crap with my ex (after I vented real quickly) and we had a wonderful time walking around, talking.....just generally hanging out! It was fun to just have time to myself and to spend with him and totally forget about everything else.

[mocha09]

L.J.:

Soul-O:

Brussel: go get him sister!!!!

[Holland73]

Brussel...I think, as some others have said, if you connect with someone, age should not matter! So, you go girl!!! Once you meet irl, you will know more.

Well, I have been going out regularly with my ex's boss, we get along VERY well, but I have truly come to realize that I do not want a serious boyfriend. I still have some issues of abandonment and trust that I need to adress, I never realized how deep these wounds were until I started to get a bit closer to him. Plus, I am really enjoying my time alone, it feels so nice to be so free and "independent" again.

I have talked to him about it and he understands 150% and thinks it is a very smart move. How sweet! I did explain to him though that is wasn't that I wanted to be with other men, I just didn't want to have the "obligations" to a man right now.

I have called things off with my sex buddy. He was starting to grate on my nerves and I just wasn't into it too much. But, it was nice to have a little bit of sexual release! hehehehe :LOL

[Soul-O]

Brussel:

You never know... this younger guy could really be a breath of fresh air in your life. He sounds really nice - why not give it a try? At least you'll probably make a friend in the process. Considering all that you are going through with the finalizing of your divorce, I'd say you deserve to have some fun and attention from a cute, younger guy. Go, and have fun!