The Dating Thread - Page 5

[magnoliablue]

Maddysmom, I met my dp online. We emailed a few times, then talked on messenger for about two weeks. We met in public at the mall and then went to Olive Garden for dinner. I felt very comfortable and relaxed from the start.

I also had my cellphone with me and let everyone know where I was going...even had a few offers by friends to go incognito and keep an eye out...I was not that paranoid..but it is not a bad idea. Peace!

[Holland73]

Well, the date with the ex's boss was really, really nice! Kind of funny, because X was at my place watching ds! But, he took me to a beautiful, scrumptious restaurant and we just talked for 3 hours!

Anyway, I have a question for you all...how often do you speak, chat or email with your new "friends"?

[L.J.]

Sounds like fun Holland!
To answer your question, we talk maybe once or twice per week. We email a few times. It's tough, my guy is really busy...so connecting can be a challenge.

So last night my kids & I went over to his house & we hung out with him & his daughter. We stayed for a couple hours, the kids played great together & he and I actually had a chance to talk quite a bit.

It was great to see everyone getting along well & we all had fun. I think we're getting together this weekend for a little while.

[wemoon]

We chat once, twice...or more a day. Phone calls maybe once or twice a week.

[brusselsprout]

Heather sounds great You have dates coming out your ears!

I think my friend and I are taking things very very sssssssssssllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllloooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwww : and I think I like it that way....we might talk to each other a couple of times during the week, but that is about it. I don't really handle phone calls well, so I tend to shy away from talking that way. He doesn't use IM very well (probably because it is at work), so I am thinking I will try to use email more often....would be nice to feel like I really know him some time this decade

[Holland73]

Thanks for the answers, ladies.

I think I am going to have to "squash" one of these guys. btw: there are only 2 guys; the one I have been talking about all along (guy #1) and, now, my ex's boss (guy #2).

My instincts are telling me that he, guy #1, really doesn't want anything from me, except for a little affection and companionship when he cannot get it anywhere else. I refuse to be someone's back up girl...I deserve more than that. He doesn't make plans with me for upcoming weekends, especially this weekend which is a 4 day weekend. I purposely approached him on MSN last night to see if he would perchance make plans with me, at the end of a very bland conversation I said, "If I don't talk to you later, have a great long weekend and enjoy the weather". His reply, "I will be online some nights, so we will see. You also have a great weekend and have fun with ds." What the heck does that mean?????

Additionally, he doesn't email me, he doesn't approach me on MSN as much as he used to, when we do chat on MSN now...it is very brief, he calls only if he hasn't seen or heard for me after 4 days, etc.

Am I being overly sensitive here? I do like this guy, but since it is still early, I would rather cut my loses without getting too attached and emotional. This is isn't how I would like a potential relationship to begin...I think I deserve someone that makes me feel like he does want to include me in his life, even so slightly in the beginning.

Any thoughts on this one?

[wemoon]

I chatted with a guy like this... he was soooooo *busy*, but I saw him log on and then log out many times without even saying hi to me. It is perfectly acceptable for him to be busy, and if he IMed me and said *I really wanted to say Hi, but can't chat cause I'm busy*, that would have been cool, sweet etc. But instead he went a week with no contact, then started contact everyday, then a week no contact. Finally I got bitchy, and he asked me If I was a bitch!!! I'm like, yea buddy I am, please don't contact me anymore. And that was the end of that.

The one I'm dating right now, contacts me almost everyday. I usually get an email or an IM everyday. Yesterday was actually the first day since I met him that he didn't contact me. I IMed him and he was real depressed over something, so I just let him be.

So I would say that this guy doesn't have the drive, motivation to become involved. Sounds like he just wants a little fun, which can be good or bad depending on what you are looking for.

[Holland73]

I spoke with my Dutch girlfriend about this and she told me this was quite normal, for Dutch men. It is hard for me to say if this is a cultural thing or not, because my first Dutch boyfriend was more American than I was and my Dutch husband truly has a culture of his own! :LOL

I guess there really isn't anything I can do anyway. I do enjoy our time together when we are together, so maybe I need to just step back and stop fretting about it all. Until I can find someone that I want to become potentially serious with, I will just enjoy the little moments I have with this guy. He can be my "back-up"!

The one thing that drives me nuts is the logging in/logging out without even a "Just wanted to say Hi". Although, he did once say to me that he enjoyed my "cyber" company when we are both online but not chatting.

[brusselsprout]

Holland, I am so guilty of logging in and out without always talking to someone. Partly it is that I hope he doesn't notice I am online so much (really don't want him to think I live on-line, and don't think it is necessary to explain to him about being on every time I nurse, kwim?) Besides, sometimes I just don't really want to talk to anyone, but that doesn't mean I am not interested or whatever.

I think 4 days is really good to go between some conversations. At least he isn't wating weeks or something. I really think this pace sets a nice slow get to know you time that could be really healthy.

I was noticing that about myself this week. I start dating someone and it becomes exciting. So then I want to get more involved NOW. I want more calls, more IM"S more e-mails....I don't want the very sweet hug, I want a KISS, NOW (or, well, you know Did I mention he smells incredible ) !!!! But, sitting back and looking at things the way they are, no I don't want to rush is. This is very nice the way it is. I didn't want something serious right away, and I am lucky enough to have found someone that wanted to take his time too....if I had found someone that wanted to rush head long into things I probably would have too, and seriously that isn't what I need right now. I need to be able to sit back and analyze things. To make sure I am staying healthy etc, kwim?

Anyway, maybe it is a blessing that he is taking his time. ENjoy it, and enjoy the time it gives you with your son and with your new friend, and the time it gives you to explore other options if you would like And especially the time it gives you to just be YOU with YOU!!!

[Holland73]

Oh, Brussel...you rock!!!

I needed to hear what you wrote. It is also nice to hear that you have also felt as I have...this feeling of wanting it all NOW and if someone where to rush, you would to! That is me exactly!!! That is how all of my relationships, including my marriage, have happened; just whirlwinds of excitement!

So...you are right, this is a good thing to be moving at this pace.

Thank you!!!

[L.J.]

Okay, just reporting in again.

We had a crazy weekend. My mom is visiting & we met up with my guy & his daughter & the kids played at an indoor playground on Saturday. It was difficult for us to talk much because the place was so big & the kids kept needing to go off in different directions. It was his idea to get together & meet my mom! Kind of weird though.

Then last night I went to his house for a dinner party with his friends. It was nice, but again busy. His daughter was there & followed us everywhere....so we didn't have a moment alone (I got there before everyone else). Then I had to leave early to come put the kids to bed. His friends were nice & talked about including me in their next dinner party (which I thought was nice).

It's tough dating as a single mom & dating a single dad. Between the kids, work, and other schedules, it's tough for us to find time to be together. I think it will get easier as we all get more used to things, but it's a bit crazy! I am glad though to be back out in an adult life again, even if I do have to leave early for awhile longer. As the kids & I get used to sitters & things more, I think it will get easier.

[wemoon]

Well, I geuss I should update as well... I'm not sure if there will be anymore dates with this guy I'm very upset at him right now, and he has yet to apologize. The real quick version: We were chatting, topic got around to my X, he analyzed me, called me codependent, told me what I had to do in regards to kids' father and would not stop when asked to stop talking about this. So....I've emailed him once, haven't heard anything back. I'm still pissed over it.

[brusselsprout]

I am sorry wemoon This dating stuff is hard sometimes, isn't it? : : : (hee hee!!) If this guy isn't the right one for you though, better to find out now than in 6 months or a year, yeah?

I am currently taking a break from caring wether or not I see my friend...bet he doesn't even notice since we are taking things so slow But that is OK it is my perogative to chose not to care for awhile. I think getting all wrapped up in his thoughts too quickly was really draining me!! I might e-mail him about some political stuff later in the week, but will politely decline any invitations for this weekend

[Soul-O]

Here's my update....

No, not dating yet, but over the weekend at my yard sale, I met a very nice and cute firefighter who happens to be the single custodial parent of two little girls close in age to my two. We made plans to have a playdate with the kids at the community park on Wednesday. Now I just have to think of the right outfit to wear that doesn't scream "single and looking" but is just fun enough to be out of the mom comfort zone....

[Holland73]

L.J., you are meeting the friends! What a nice step to make...what did you think of his friends? Friends are often a reflection of what kind of person a man truly is.

It does seem very tough, to me, to date a single dad, which is why I am avoiding them. I just don't want to have to deal with their exes, children and the "baggage", for lack of a better word, that comes with dating a single daddy. I have enough on my plate right now and I enjoy the fact that ds is only child involved.

Wemoon, hold your ground on this one! That is incredibly disrespectful and inappropriate...a topic he should be the "listener" and not the "fixer". If he apologizes, makes sure it is worthy of your acceptance. If he doesn't apologize or apologizes and you do not deem it worthy of your acceptance...at least you know now that he is not the one for you.

Brussel, your situation sounds almost exactly like mine until Sunday. My guy had also been very stand-offish and confusing. In fact, this past weekend, which was a 4 day weekend for Holland...he never asked me out, called or was even online all bloody weekend. I tried to also not care and even thought to myself, "I am just going to end it anyway...I am not ready for this, I shouldn't be reacting this way, etc, etc." After speaking with some of my single, never married/no children, friends...they all told me that they often feel the SAME exact way! Yahoo...it wasn't just me being the paranoid, "damaged" me! :LOL

On Sunday evening, he finally logged on, approached me and we chatted. As it was hard to talk about this stuff via MSN, I called him. Basically, he told me that he felt I wanted to take it slow, he wished I would take more of the initiative (in calling him, approaching him on MSN, etc), he didn't know what I really wanted and/or if he could give it to me and he even admitted to playing a little "game" by not being online all weekend to see if I would call him! We talked for over an hour, really got things sorted out and now we both feel very comfortable. I no longer feel like I have to play games with him...everything is out on the table, we both know where we stand!

Soul-O...a playdate with a firefighter! Ok, with his children...but, sound to me like you will have more fun than the children!!!!

BTW, I am still seeing my ex's boss...it has been very nice, he is very attentive. Although I don't think it will go anywhere. That is the nice thing with dating, it doesn't have to go anywhere if you don't want it to...you can just enjoy the much-deserved attention!

No hot dates for me this weekend...ds and I are going to Paris this weekend. It is another long, 4 day weekend for Holland again! There are some benefits to living in a country that celebrates all of these religious holidays!

Ok...my will sign off! Man, I sure do talk a lot!

[wemoon]

So we've went our seperate ways *sigh* now to start from ground zero again. Just browsing the personals ads is depressing! ACK. But this guy had major emotional instability. He doesn't see it, but it is so evident. So that is that. Now to start weeding through IM's and personals all over again.

[dreadmama]

Sorry it didn't work out with this one Wemoon... but I'm sure you learned a lot about getting back into the dating thing again. It sounded like you were in a relationship with your ex for a long time, so it is good to date different people for a while.

Good Luck!
Karen

[Soul-O]

Update on the firefighter date..... very cute guy, great personality, lots of chemistry evident from the beginning, and our kids got along wonderfully (his two girls are 3 and 18 months). He ended up inviting us over for dinner this evening, and he's even a good cook! He'd like to get together with just the adults on Saturday if possible, and perhaps another kid playdate when he is off-shift next week. This feels good, but at the same time, I'm so leery of getting hurt again that I'm refusing to rush into anything.

wemoon: sorry to hear about your guy , but at least you discovered his true self at the beginning of the relationship. I think you have definitely gained some "dating skills" if nothing else - helps to weed out the unworthy ones a bit easier.

Holland: I'm glad that things are settled between you and guy #1. Enjoy that trip to Paris (color me jealous!).

[brusselsprout]

wemoon, I'm sorry it didn't work out. Take some you time to process what happened, and good luck sorting thru those IM's

Soul-O Congrats on what sounds like a wonderful day, and how awesome that it is someone you can do kid things with too

Holland I am glad that you guys finally sorted things out and there will be no more game playing My friend describes dating as a game of chess, but I just don't like those sort of games in real life!! And I am just a wee bit jealous of your trip to Paris too. I had actually decided to take my kids for a long weekend trip starting today, but Oobi came down with the flu so we are staying home.

[wemoon]

Thanks ladies! I really jazzed up my profile to include everything I could think of, so hopefully people will start reading.

Glad you all are having good times!