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6 year old's grief...

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 

My L has just turned 6 years old...My dad just died of Cancer this week..L is having a hard time with it...she was there...we stayed this last month with my parents so I could help my mom take care of dad so he could be home...L was mostly in the upper part of the house but she saw grandpa everyday...she knew what was going on and knew how sick he was..The day he died she was there...she got to see and hug and kiss him goodbye before the funeral home took him away...

 

She is having a rough time..we are home now but she has been so emotional..screaming at people and having temper tantrums..she never has those..I know she is channeling her grief and needs time..But how do I help her? I am having a rough time myself..I have cried with her..I answer her questions and her teacher is very very intune with her so he has helped her a lot also..

 

Is there anyone who has been through this with such a young child have any tips? She still asks when he will come back.... brokenheart.gif 

post #2 of 6

There are some good story books that cover the topic of death. My daughter has brought them home from the library on occasion. Maybe look some up. Tears are always better than rage. When she lashes out, ask her if its because she is sad, and that its ok to cry. My DD has not had to go through this yet, but she has a little bit of a fascination with death. We are agnostic, so we tell her there is no coming back from death, ever, and we just have to love the stuffing out of everyone while they are still here.  Does the school have a counselor? When I was little I didnt want to make my mom sad by bringing this stuff up. She may feel more comfortable talking to a counselor. 

post #3 of 6

My dad was not part of hospice because he went too quickly. However I called them to get advice on how to handle the grief with the kids and how to say goodbye when he was on ventilator support. They sent me some info on grief classes for kids and older people too, and some group support meetings. I would encourage you to contact your local hospice. Some counseling would also be useful for all of you. So sorry for your dad's passing. :-(

post #4 of 6
Oh, I'm so sorry about your Dad and your little girls' Grandpa. I want to let you know that you've done your dd a world of good by allowing her to be there and to say goodbye in her way. I was a little older (7.5)when my Dad died of cancer and the adults kept me completely in the dark about the situation. No blame there..it was a different time and they meant well but it prolonged the grieving process.

My girls were 8 & 1 when my stepdad died, he lived with us their entire lives so they were very close. Dd8 had a bit of a delayed reaction-seemed to take it well at first but then months later it came out in not-so obvious ways. In retrospect I'm pretty sure deep down she didn't believe he was gone forever; he'd always had health problems & hospital stays so that part was normal for her. Really, it just took time, but now she's at the point that we can share memories and still miss him without it being all consuming, KWIM.

I second USAmma's suggestion; hospice can be very helpful even if you don't use their services beforehand. Best to your family on your journey.
post #5 of 6

I wanted to say I'm so so sorry for your loss. I agree with hospice. Also wanted to ask..Do you have faith based help?

post #6 of 6
Thread Starter 

Thank you everyone...she seems to be doing okay..better each day...she talks a lot about my dad which is good..and we cry a lot which is also good...Her teacher says the 1st day was rough but the few after that she was back to nornal...the last couple here she has calmed down a bit too...We had hospice in almost the whole time and L did meet several nurses that came in to look after dad...they spoke with her some so I think it helped prepare her also...

 

I think with time she will be okay..but everyone has been great with listening too her and letting her take the time she needed also...The school has been great..Thanks a lot for all the suggestions and I will be looking into some of them...

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