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pregnancy blues (sorry, sort of long)

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 

anyone just feeling sort of "eh"? when i first got pregnant i was so excited, but honestly it's kind of been downhill from there. i mean, i'm definitely still excited to have a baby (it's our first and my first pregnancy), but the pregnancy itself is sort of, i don't know, less than great? i don't mean to sound so negative, but throughout the first trimester i just felt sick & tired. even now that my energy is back, and i don't feel sick anymore, i don't feel like myself. and now that my belly is showing a bit, but it isn't clear that i'm pregnant, i just feel fat and uncomfortable all of the time. i guess i'm just having a hard time feeling like this is REAL. i've heard the the baby's heartbeat twice, but it didn't really connect that it was coming from somewhere inside me.

 

part of this i think has to do with the fact that my life hasn't changed at all. i still wake up every morning and go to work, i still run my restaurant at night, go to sleep, and do it all over again. i have to constantly remind myself that i'm pregnant. i think my bosses and coworkers are trying to be sensitive to my pregnancy by never mentioning it (so that i don't feel like they're treating me any differently, i'm the first pregnant woman our company has ever had), but it just adds to the feeling that it's not really happening.

 

we're going to be co-sleeping, so there isn't any nursery to set up or anything. i tried putting together our baby registry, which definitely helped a little, but once that was done (which didn't take long, we're not into having a lot of stuff and we have a tiny place so we can't fit a lot) it was back to feeling the same way again.

 

we're having our first ultrasound on feb 6, so i'm hoping that seeing the baby and finding out the sex will help me feel a little more connected. i'm also looking forward to the birthing and parenting classes that we're planning on taking in the third trimester.

 

anyway, thank you for listening to my rant. not sure if anyone else is feeling this way, but i wanted to get it off my chest!

post #2 of 9

I totally understand! I think every mom feels like that at some point. Crafting for my babies always seems to help a lot. Do you knit or crochet? If not, perhaps you could watch some youtube videos and then make the baby a blanket. Life always does kinda go on the same, even with future pregnancies. But the truth of the matter is, for everyone else, it is kinda the same. But for mom it's harder, but if we say it's hard, then we're considered ungrateful whiners. I guess that's why I always love to have a message board to come to!

 

With my first, feeling movement was the thing that really connected me to my baby (which was after my ultrasound when I found out she was a girl). 

post #3 of 9

Be gentle to yourself.  Not everyone feels rainbows and unicorns from day 1 and that is OK.  :Hug  Just take it one day at a time.  When I was pregnant with #3, I had to remind myself I was pregnant.  I didn't really feel like I thought I should until he was born, I was just too busy and stressed with everything else life was doing. 

 

This time, when I start feeling overwhelmed by it all, I look at cutesy baby things.  Other people's nurseries, cutesy ideas, life hacks for babies, stuff like that.

 

You are doing great!  Just take it as it comes. <3

post #4 of 9
Perhaps if you felt better while you were working on the registry, you just need some other ways to 'plan' for baby that feel tangible?

Maybe you can get a notebook, and spend some time looking up fun family traditions that you might want to incorporate -- your fave parts of your childhood, around holidays or milestones or just everyday things that became part of family tradition. Even writing notes on a calendar now for things to do/remember. I'm a planner, and I found with my first pregnancy, once I got everything planned, purchased, put away ... I got into a bit of a funk, sort of "ok, what next?" while I waited for birth. I should have used that time to plan out things and discuss them with DH ... what does Christmas Day look like with littles? Summer vacation? Easter Egg hunts, birthday celebrations, what are your expectations for Mother's Day. If you'll have a baby-ceremony of some sort (baptism etc) are there any special rituals or traditions you want included.
That sort of planning might give you a little baby-related task each day or week, and yet not be stuff to clutter your small space! Crafting a small mobile with intricate cut paper or origami can also be a small, yet time consuming and detailed task if you have a spot to put it -- a corner over a chair where you might be nursing, or a hook on the wall/ceiling over a change table/dresser/diaper station.
post #5 of 9

@amwpJC , your post almost brought me to tears. I have felt almost exactly the same as you throughout this pregnancy so far--really sick, no energy, now have energy, but belly is minimal, work is the same, no nursery... yes, not really connecting. I have had two ultrasounds and those have been helpful somewhat. We just found out that it is a girl, so calling the baby by name is also helping. I think the biggest shift will be when the belly is really noticeable. When I see pregnant women in public with big obvious bellies, I get so jealous! I just look bloated so far. This is my second baby, but I will admit that even with my first, it didn't really hit me that I just had a baby for a couple days after his birth--lying in bed one night I burst into tears, "I just had a baby!" Even right after he was born I put his forehead against mine to try to connect. I loved him, and it was all so precious, but there was a delayed sense of acceptance or something. Just know you are not alone! I am pretty sure the ultrasound, gender determination, and bigger belly will really help you feel better, though. :Hug 

post #6 of 9
Thread Starter 

wow, thank you guys for all of the kind words! i'm feeling a bit better today, my belly is definitely starting to stick out even more. i also love the idea of crafting, @Dandy Lion! i like to make detailed cut out greeting cards, so i'll maybe i'll make some sort of paper mobile that i can hang out in the bedroom for now. 

 

@Water Mama thank you for telling about your experiences. it helps so much to hear what other women have gone through.  

post #7 of 9

Wow, I have felt so guilty because I feel so many of the things you're describing. In the first trimester, I was so sick that I was honestly just annoyed to be pregnant because I was so miserable (Wow, that looks horrible written down). I just haven't really connected to this baby yet and I hate that. With my son, I started to connect after the 12 week ultrasound, but this time, I'm 18wks still not really believing it's real and I feel guilty that I'm not really that excited.

    So thanks for being brave enough to put it out there...we're not all bouncing up and down, and it's nice to not feel alone in it.

 

Things I'm doing to help get into this whole pregnancy thing :

    - Pinterest helps me dream

    - Counting down days until my 20wk appointment and I can have some non-blob pictures to look at and dream about

    - Planning crafts. I want to do a crochet chevron blanket and am deciding what colors...very indecisive, but getting started on that will probably help

    - Trying to keep perspective that I'll start to feel the baby move more and more and I'm sure that will help with the "real" feelings, as well as the bonding

    - Doing our official Facebook announcement in the next few weeks might help, too

post #8 of 9

I know this will probably make people hate me, but I have literally never "felt pregnant". This will be my third child, but somehow, I've always escaped morning sickness, nausea, fatigue, heartburn, and every other symptom pregnant women typically experience (though I can definitely relate to feeling fat, but not quite looking pregnant yet). During my first pregnancy I worked full-time, 12 hour days including commuting, and nothing changed for the entire 9 months. I worked up until the day before I went into labor and felt great. This time, I have two kids to run after and like @iwearacape, I constantly have to remind myself I'm pregnant. The thing that really does it for me is when I start feeling real, undeniable kicks. When the baby kicks, in that moment he's real, and it's like he's trying to tell me something (like "hey, stop laying on me!") and I love him, but until that moment, I entirely understand how you feel.

post #9 of 9
@researchparent I was the same way with my first two. I felt amazing the whole time without any issues. This pregnancy & it's symptoms have taken me by surprise! smile.gif
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