My fiance's children are 13, 9 and 6. They had an outside cat who they all loved, who died Christmas Eve. My fiance and I agreed not to tell the children until after Christmas, because we didn't want to ruin their Christmas. I told my sons (18 and almost 3) two days after Christmas that Griffyn had passed away, my fiance's landlord had found him in the driveway. My fiance put off telling his children, until I finally asked him when he was gonna tell them, and he said maybe he should just let them believe he ran away. I disagree 100%, but they are not my children yet!
My fiance's Wife, their Mother, passed away with little warning 3 1/2 years ago and their maternal grandfather a couple months before that, and they both affected the children greatly, which I'm sure is a major part of my fiance's decision, but still, I disagree.
Also, my 18 year old disagrees with my fiance's decision, but can keep his mouth shut- my 3 year old has brought up to me several times how Griffyn's in Heaven now, and it's only a matter of time before he says something about it in front of my fiance's kids. I've asked my fiance what he'll do if my little one says something, and he said he'd just say my son doesn't know what he's talking about. (Yes, I've let him know if he cuts my son down like that in front of my son, a dead cat will be the least of his worries!) Several of my fiance's family members and neighbors know, so it's not like it's that big of a secret anyways, one I don't want any part of!
The 13 year old and the 9 year old point blank asked me if I thought Griffyn was dead or why won't he come back, or would he just go off to die alone, maybe? (The last time they saw him, he was sick, and then went outside and never came back.) I told them I wasn't sure, I don't know, but that was before I knew their father would not be telling them- they asked me on Christmas during present unwrapping! If they ask again, I don't know what to say- I don't want them to think I have anything to do with their father's lie, no matter how well-meaning he intends it, because I believe it's disrespectful to the children not to tell them and I don't want them to think I had anything to do with it and have them break their trust in me. I think the 13 year old "knows", just looking for confirmation. The 9 year old stands by the back door every night calling for Griffyn. But if it comes up and I tell them when my fiance does not want them to know, I'm overruling him to his children, plus I'm likely starting a big fight between myself and my fiance. Plus, I have an inside cat of my own and he will remain an inside cat when we marry and live together, and I want to make sure everyone, fiance and children, understand the seriousness of keeping him an inside cat and not get lax about letting him out, because I don't want him to end up like their cat.
First of all, I'm right, aren't I? You should tell your kids when their pet dies, especially when they're 13 1/2, almost 10 and 6 1/2, right?
Second of all... where can I find information to convince my fiance to just tell them himself?