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Driving in cars when other teenages are the drivers

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 

Do you let your teens be passengers in cars when teens are the driver?

 

DD wanted to drive to go to a hockey game with her friend and her friends boyfriend, age 17.  The boyfriend was to be the driver.  I have never met him.  Long story short, it did not happen, but my daughter (a freshly minted 15 year old) thought I was being over - protective.  What do you think?

post #2 of 13

No way with kids I don't know.  Not a chance.  Dh let our 12 year old ride home with a 17 year old over the summer and even though I know the kid (crazy responsible, great kid) and they were only going about a 1/2 mile, I was still nervous.  It's come up a few times since then and I've just offered to drive the boys instead.  I can't imagine how hard it will be to make the decision when him and his friends start to drive.  Overprotective isn't a bad thing when it comes to kids and cars.  

post #3 of 13
Because we have graduated licences here in CO, I feel reasonably safe. Most of the boys my son has ridden with are farm kids who have been driving since they were 5 ;-). He also drives friends around, but for 6 months after he got his license the only people he could drive around were his siblings ( by law) so they reported on his safety. And since he drives standard shift I don't have to worry about his friends driving my car.
post #4 of 13

In our area, teens can't have passengers under 20 until they've been driving a full year. That cuts down on requests a good deal and there is the peace of mind that kids have a good amount of experience before they are carting others around.

 

In the situation you described, I'd have said "no" too.

post #5 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatsnextmom View Post
 

In our area, teens can't have passengers under 20 until they've been driving a full year. That cuts down on requests a good deal and there is the peace of mind that kids have a good amount of experience before they are carting others around.

 

In the situation you described, I'd have said "no" too.

That  is a good rule.  We do have graduated liscensing, but I just looked it up and it is pretty lax when it comes to other teens in car.  Sigh.  

post #6 of 13

It is not an unreasonable rule to say your teen can't be a passenger in a car driven by a teen.  Teens are inexperienced drivers and can't be expected to perform well with distractions in the car, like other teens.  Most car accidents involving teens (at least, those I hear about) happen with other teens in the car.  Of course, it depends on where you live and the traffic conditions there.  In a rural area, it wouldn't be as big a deal (at least not with a responsible kid).  We live in a suburban area with heavy traffic, so our general rule to start with our kids was no, you can't be a passenger in a car driven by a teen.  We have eased up on that rule as the kids have gotten older, but only in specific instances where I know the other teen driver very well and feel confident that they are responsible and careful (it's also helpful to find out what sorts of driving rules their parents have for them -- it can tell you a lot about what sort of driver they'll be).  Then, it's only allowed if I know exactly what route they are taking and feel reasonably sure that it is a route that won't present an inexperienced driver with too many challenges (e.g., highways/freeways are never allowed).  And, we only started easing up on our rule once our own kids had licenses and had been thru driver's ed.  Then their friends got a sort of "trial run" where they drove a short distance on an easy route with our kid as a passenger, and our child reported back to us about whether their friend drove in a way that would have made their driver's ed teacher proud. :-)

 

So yeah, in our house, a 15 year old getting a ride from a 17 year old we didn't know?  No way. :-) 

post #7 of 13
I'd want to know the 17-year-old pretty well before I'd be comfortable with that.
post #8 of 13
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the feedback, everyone.  I might have her read this thread, lol, so she knows lots of moms feel this way.

 

While I dodged that bullet, I know it will come up again.  I need buy in from her on not getting in cars with other teenagers.  I think I will print up some stats for her.  

post #9 of 13

I wouldn't allow it.  Too many idiots texting and driving.  Unless my kids are comfortable speaking up and saying "please put your phone down while you're driving" it's a no from me.  Actually, there's a dad I don't allow my kids to ride with because one time I caught him watching a Netflix movie on his ipad in traffic.

 

And when other moms worry about their kids riding with my ds, I don't feel the slightest bit insulted.  I remind them ds doesn't have a smartphone, in part because I want him to be so bored with it he wouldn't dream of picking it up while behind the wheel.

post #10 of 13

I'll most likely get slammed but.....

 

my kids ride in cars with teen drivers. Heck, one of the 17 year olds that my 15 year old rides with is her older sister.

 

They ride with other teens as well. At first, it was a super huge deal and I needed to know the teen, know how much driving experience they had, etc. Gradually, I really relaxed because both of my kids are super responsible, and they hang around with other responsible teens. They've earned this trust from me by making good choices.

 

Because of the numerous times they have shown SOLID judgment, I would be comfortable with my 15 year old riding with a 17 year old that SHE deemed worthy. After all, our teens know how their friends act when there aren't any adults around, and we will never have that information.  She is in a position to be a better judge than I am, and she gets what a big deal it is. She also always has a cell phone with her, so she can always bail out.

 

I see my role as to help my teens learn to make their own decisions, and to develop independence and life skills.

 

Yes, sometimes it is scary.

post #11 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by blessedwithboys View Post
 

I wouldn't allow it.  Too many idiots texting and driving.  Unless my kids are comfortable speaking up and saying "please put your phone down while you're driving" it's a no from me.  Actually, there's a dad I don't allow my kids to ride with because one time I caught him watching a Netflix movie on his ipad in traffic.

 

And when other moms worry about their kids riding with my ds, I don't feel the slightest bit insulted.  I remind them ds doesn't have a smartphone, in part because I want him to be so bored with it he wouldn't dream of picking it up while behind the wheel.


This kids I know would freak out if any of their friends touched a phone while driving.  They don't do it.  Ever.  Phones usually go in purses or backpacks, some parents even have a trunk rule for teen  cell phones.

post #12 of 13

I'm so glad I don't live in the US. Kids under 18 driving by themselves does not sound like a good idea to me. Not to mention, after hearing about how your driving tests are conducted, it's kind of a joke compared to how strict they are in my country. That I passed on my first try is practically unheard of.

post #13 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by spklvr View Post
 

I'm so glad I don't live in the US. Kids under 18 driving by themselves does not sound like a good idea to me. Not to mention, after hearing about how your driving tests are conducted, it's kind of a joke compared to how strict they are in my country. That I passed on my first try is practically unheard of.

 

A lot of kids don't pass the first time. We knew the two other kids testing the same time DD did and neither of them passed. They go through a lot of mandatory (and expensive) training. Our state puts a lot of restrictions on new drivers and enforce them to the point where I'd say 50 percent of kids in our area don't bother driving until they are 18 (on top of the expense.) However, I drove at 16 and was a good and solid driver. My 16-year-old is a good driver... needs more experience and we put some additional restrictions on her as to where and when she can drive (she's not had her license too long) but solid.

 

I'm not against teenagers driving. They are capable. I'm not even against a 15-year-old getting a ride with a 17-year-old experienced driver that we know. It's just not smart for them to be driving a car full of friends a week after they get their license. It's not smart for teens to be hopping into cars with people they don't know (and I'm not even talking about road safety.)

 

At this point, I'd rather have my 13-year-old driving than my 80-year-old mother-in-law lol!

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