I have a son who will be two in May. His father is not involved, even though I encourage him to visit. We are in different states. There is a court order for support, and we just had an enforcement hearing last week because he isn't paying what he is ordered. In the few recent, civil conversations we've had over the last year, we both "agreed" that our differences in "opinion" regarding his child support obligation would not interfere with his spending time with our son.
He still never comes to visit, never calls, never even texts to see how his son is doing. I don't talk about this much with my family or friends, and when I do it turns into a rant. I feel so much negativity inside of me and I am unsure of how to channel it. I don't drink anymore, and I've had health issues that prevent me from participating in my old stress-relievers, like biking or running.
Aside from feeling as if I have unresolved anger and resentment, I also have major anxiety over the fact that this "man" is going to be in our lives forever, if only on the periphery. I worry what my son will think if he ever feels that his dad doesn't love him. My blood pressure surges just thinking about someone being inhumane enough to not even make a phone call. or ask to see a picture of him. I think for me, I struggle most with not being able to wrap my mind around the fact that he doesn't care about this precious child. If there were a logical answer, I could move forward intelligently. But anytime I think about his dad, I get angry and feel like he has no soul.
I thought that regardless of child support issues, he would still want to see his son. But we are approaching two years, and he has seen him twice, both times before he was 6 months old.
How do you keep all your marbles?
How do you remain spiritually and physically healthy with anger that churns and creates sludge in the heart?
How do you ensure that your little one comes out "whole" in the grand scheme?
Will it really all be okay? Flu Prevention