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Going along with hubby

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
Okay, so I've decided to go along with my husband's wishes. He wants me at the hospital and has agreed to hire a doula. If we could afford a midwife he'd let me do a homebirth. Anyways now I keep thinking about birthing in the hospital and it's freaking me out!! I keep thinking about all the stuff they're going to push at me regardless if I have a doula. I don't want them taking the baby away for any reason no matter if it's a quick hearing test or whatever. I don't want IV's, I don't want constant fetal monitoring, and my list goes on. I've mentioned these things to my husband and he thinks it will be easy to tell the hospital no. In my experience they don't take no well. I want to relax not worry about pushy doctors or nurses. He said we can stay home as long as I want during labor, except he doesn't want to deliver the baby. So he'd be keeping track of contractions for sure to make sure we leave on time. Okay end of rant.. Any suggestions? Has anyone had a doula at the hospital , and do they really help with the doctors/nurses? I'm seriously stressed out about the hospital.
post #2 of 12
That situation wouldn't work well for me as far as just sucking it up and going along with someone else's plan for my birthing. But I know you have had this option on the table.

I can tell you that I recommend hypnobabies. Even if you're farther along than the program recommends for starting, I found it helpful to keep me relaxed.

Remember that you can and should request a different nurse if you don't like the one you get.

What's the particular hospital like?

Do any midwives want to barter or are there any in a different location that you could see?

A doula will support you and your husband and it sounds like you guys really need support. They should remind you to speak up and that you have that right.

How much it's reasonable to freak out really depends on your hospital, doctors, and nurses. That said, there's a reason I haven't signed up to birth in a hospital so I understand your stress. No one should have to fight for what they want during pregnancy or birth, but if you have to you can. You can be sweet and say no thank you. You can say I'm going to decline that at this time. You can say I don't consent to that. You can tell them to get the %|@< off of you. There's probably a lot of advice to get on the general birth or vbac forum. And maybe you don't need advice.

But yeah, find a doula you like.

... aren't you going to have to pay for a doula out of pocket? Can you put that towards a midwife?
post #3 of 12
Thread Starter 
We did switch OB's and hospitals. It's the same OB that did my vbac and he was really supportive. The only reason we didn't go back for my last pregnancy was because we had moved farther away from that hospital. Now I don't care how far I have to drive I refuse a rcs unless it's medically necessary and I will drive however far I need to.

My labor/delivery nurse was awesome at that hospital. My regular nurse after that was horrible. I was only 23 I believe so I think she assumed I was young and stupid. I actually never knew you could request a different nurse. So that would be a great option if I have the same problem.

As far as the cost of a doula and a midwife around here it is far less. There is one who even goes based on income around here. Unfortunately I don't have a lot of options midwife wise. There is one who lives around here, but I'm too far along now for her to see me :-(. The other midwives are over an hour away and have much higher prices. They are in much bigger cities. We live in a very small town and the local hospital isn't the greatest.

I'm secretly hoping that my labor will just go super fast and the baby will come before we make it to the hospital. Then we can decide if we want to go to the hospital to get checked out or just call and tell them the baby came way too fast.
post #4 of 12
How far is the ob that did your vbac? I think if I
Was you I'd probably make the drive to that one as well if you have to do hospital. How far along are you now? Really hoping you get a positive birth experience wherever it may be!
post #5 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maria26 View Post

Okay, so I've decided to go along with my husband's wishes. He wants me at the hospital and has agreed to hire a doula. If we could afford a midwife he'd let me do a homebirth. Anyways now I keep thinking about birthing in the hospital and it's freaking me out!! I keep thinking about all the stuff they're going to push at me regardless if I have a doula. I don't want them taking the baby away for any reason no matter if it's a quick hearing test or whatever. I don't want IV's, I don't want constant fetal monitoring, and my list goes on. I've mentioned these things to my husband and he thinks it will be easy to tell the hospital no. In my experience they don't take no well. I want to relax not worry about pushy doctors or nurses. He said we can stay home as long as I want during labor, except he doesn't want to deliver the baby. So he'd be keeping track of contractions for sure to make sure we leave on time. Okay end of rant.. Any suggestions? Has anyone had a doula at the hospital , and do they really help with the doctors/nurses? I'm seriously stressed out about the hospital.

Tell him you will deliver the baby! I only had mine help with the twins (short on hands) nothing to catching your own baby. You could agree to go in right after birth for a check up.  Good luck.

post #6 of 12
Thread Starter 
My current OB and the hospital are almost an hour from where we live now. Once we get moved into our new house it will be about a 40 minute drive. So potentially I could have the baby in the car if my labor is super fast. This is so frustrating! I'll try begging haha. I'll agree to go get checked out afterwards. One minute he seems okay with it then he changes his mind.
post #7 of 12
Maybe you could gather a selection of uc and non-uc birth stories that you find compelling. Then share them with the hubby.
post #8 of 12
Do you know if he has any questions/concerns in particular? Would he feel better hearing some responses from another guy? I could relay questions to my husband and have him reply. You can PM me if you want too.
post #9 of 12
Try not to tell husband about the contractions, keep busy and simply say if he asks that oh, things are moving or cramping but don't encourage him to pull out the stop-watch for sporting events on your body.

Make it seem like an "emergency" unassisted birth. Men don't understand, don't nag them about it just do the opposite of what they think is best at times.
post #10 of 12
If it turned into an on purpose accident, I would worry that he would see it as a true emergency and would act accordingly. If he's freaking out that could be a hindrance. Not to mention it could cause a lack of trust.
post #11 of 12
Th
Quote:
Originally Posted by Laura Spilde View Post

Try not to tell husband about the contractions, keep busy and simply say if he asks that oh, things are moving or cramping but don't encourage him to pull out the stop-watch for sporting events on your body.

Make it seem like an "emergency" unassisted birth. Men don't understand, don't nag them about it just do the opposite of what they think is best at times.

That seems like a pretty serious breech of trust. I would feel very violated if my partner did that to me, especially on a day that should be about us peacefully welcoming a new life into the world that we created together.
post #12 of 12
If you do decide to go along with the hospital birth talk to your OB before hand. Bring your birth plans in and have him sign it so you can bring it with to show the nurses. (Ie - My Dr has given consent that I don't have to have IVs, constant fetal monitoring, I am allowed to move freely, eat and drink if I wish... so on and so forth)

My OB did this for me. we agreed on my birth plan and he signed it..
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