My MIL is mentally ill. She is Schizoaffective, which means she is Schizophrenic w/ Bipolar Mood Issues. She has lived for years with another of my husband's brothers and his family. In October of 2012, the brother and his wife got back into drugs and it came down to getting the MIL out before she had another psychotic break. We thought we were the only place she could go in a hurry. We went down to get her, and emphasized that it was only temporary until she could get on her feet financially. So, in she moved. We don't have a large house and had just started trying to conceive to have our first child. She was very manic at first, but we helped get her straightened out. Eventually, we even saw her show some improvement. We found out in August that we were expecting (yay!) and that has been a huge blessing. But, of course, that meant really trying to nail down a time frame to get her out. Between her age and her mental regression from the disease, it was agreed from the beginning that she would never keep our kids unattended. Plus, the stress of having her live with us has driven me batty more than a few times. So, this past October, after talking with my husband, we started talking to the best candidates among her own siblings to arrange a permanent living situation that had offered previously. That's when we found out that she only wants to live with one of her grown, married kids or possibly remarry again. She has no social skills and is socially handicapped from the disease, so as much as a new husband would be wonderful, we don't see this as a very realistic expectation. Something to definitely pray for her, but, you know. So, she went, in my mind, from being a poor, pitiful, homeless, mentally-ill 60-year-old that had no where to go, to being a selfish old bat who wouldn't have went anywhere else and sees us as a retirement plan. My husband has finally agreed that we would both sit down with her and discuss her at least staying somewhere else for 6 months after I deliver. It will not be easy. He is currently student teaching to finish his master's and is stressed to the gills already about that. Adding to that to ask his mom to leave, even temporarily, I know is causing issues. He can't work on what he needs for his master's when he's home because she is constantly pestering him. (Updates on TV shows she's watching, talking about the weather, questions about things she needs done that she wants him to do).
For me, personally, I have had to fight tooth and nail just to be able to put my own dishes in the dishwasher or clean something, as she feels that she should be doing it. She tries to help with our two big dogs, but is more likely to undo their house-training than actually help. And looming over all this is this feeling that if she is still in the house with my newborn, she'll constantly try to pull him from me to do things that I WANT to do for him. I show love by doing for people. She thinks that by doing all my housework and taking over everything, she is helping, when in fact, it makes me feel like I'm no longer worth anything and being lazy. I have started getting much sterner with her. (I WILL be doing some of the dishes. I WANT to do them and it doesn't matter if you don't want me to.) But I just don't know how to get her out. While I want to ask my husband when we will have this little confab with her, he gets so stressed over school that I feel bad about asking, like I'm pestering him too and adding to his stress. I feel that she adds an enormous amount of stress on him and he would be doing better if she was gone. But he has had to battle feeling guilty and trapped. He is finally getting out of that, but I still feel stuck. It's like having a 13-year-old that happens to live in a 60-year-old's body living with us and needing the same kind of attentive care. Sorry for the long post, but there are times I feel so alone in my feelings about her and my attitude toward her. I know in my brain that my husband is with me 100% and has said so numerous times, but between the prego hormones and only having a few people I feel comfortable opening up too, it makes it pretty lonely.
Thanks for listening,