The Not Dating Thread

[mocha09]

Dont' have much time to post this morning.

First, I don't want to compete with the dating thread! And I am happy for everyone who is dating! I don't want to suggest that dating is wrong or bad in any way, and I look forward to reading about your adventures in dateland.

I'm feeling a little left out because I'm choosing not to date right now. Is anyone else choosing not to date?


Um, not that I've had an offer for a date for which I'd actually have to exercise that choice ..... but it is a choice, nonetheless....

[Shonahsmom]

Originally Posted by mocha09

I'm feeling a little left out because I'm choosing not to date right now. Is anyone else choosing not to date?


Um, not that I've had an offer for a date for which I'd actually have to exercise that choice ..... but it is a choice, nonetheless....

:LOL

I totally fall into this category. I am just no longer interested in dating just for the sake of dating. I guess I've had some offers, but not from anyone that I'd be interested in as anything other than a date... and at this point I am looking for a partner. Before, when I was dating I wasn't ready to consider having a partner. Now I am, so the selection process has changed entirely. And NO one has come along that is partner material... so I am choosing not to date in that respect.

I just read that over and it reads very confusing... hopefully ya'll get the jist.

Basically, I am either going to be alone or with my version of Mr. Wonderful... there's no inbetween anymore for me and if that means I spend the rest of my life alone I'm prepared to do that. Its the old addage "I'd rather be alone than unhappy".

[karen ann]

I'm not ready to date either. My marriage ended (miserably) last year and I think I still have a lot to work out on my own before I go trying to blend with someone else. I also don't think I could be fair to a potential romantic partner becuase I'm still pretty raw from how my ex treated me for the last year of our relationship as well as how he left.

[L.J.]

I think it's good to realize when you're not ready. I've been separated for 3 years now and I've done a lot of work on myself in those years. Had I dated someone right after we separated or even within a year or two it would have been a disaster. I needed the time to heal, evaluate myself and my life and now I feel clear on what I am looking for in a partner.

I am not willing to settle and wouldn't just date casually. I think it's so important to be clear about who I am and what it is I truly want in a partner. The other difference is that I really like myself and my life and no longer "feel like I need someone". For me, that's huge!

[dreadmama]

I'm not going to date anytime soon either! I don't think I'll ever be able to trust anyone intimately again... but who knows how I'll feel in a few years. I'm just focusing on building up a way to support my daughter and I since we don't get any child support...

I'm more interested in finding some like-minded friends, preferably single mamas that we can do fun things, etc. I'm starting to find it, slowly but surely.

Well, my 22 month old just walked into the kitchen and said "cook", so I guess it is time to make some dinner!

Peace,
Karen

[birthmommom]

I have chosen not to date right now either. Greg was totally all that i thought that i was looking for and even if i had the opportunity i dont know what to do with it. i feel like i need to do some searching and find myself and be there for my dd. if dating comes up in the next 5 or 10 years then so be it. I am definently not knocking its door.

[AnnMarie]

After some thought, I don't think I even want to date. I know I don't want a relationship. Even if I did, it wouldn't be fair to the man because I'm not well yet. Anyway, I don't trust men and I don't know if I ever will again. So no, I don't think I'll be dating anytime soon.

[Dragonfly]

What Shonahsmom said.

Add me to the 'not dating' list. I'm even avoiding my favorite coffee shop because it seems like most times I go there to study lately, I get chatted up. (Of course, I generally just mention ds and they beat a hasty retreat :LOL).

Yep, no interest. I'm enjoying the time with just ds and I since stbx moved out. It's honestly the first time in my life that I can remember actually not wanting a relationship... and it feels really good!

[maemaesmama]

I read the "Dating" thread, and it got me to thinking..........Is it a date that I want? I know I am lonley. OK painfully lonley! I did not want a divorce, and gave it all I had to keep it together. In the end I just had to let go for reasons out of my hands. I have three small children 6,3,1. I had no intentions of raising three kiddos on my own. It is not that I can not handle 3kids. In fact I have always done the "parenting" alone anyways. It came very naturally to me. I would LOVE a larger family, possibly foster children one day. I want a partner. I want a friend. I do not want a labled husband again. I guess I will know when I meet him LOL Of course unless I meet him at the grocery store It will not be anytime in the near future! I NEVER get out~ Even when I do I look TAKEN with all these kids :binky

[comet]

I'm in this category, too. Someday, hopefully.

[Holland73]

Dear Ladies,

I am so sorry if my suggestion for a "Dating" thread made you all feel left out, that was not my intention...at all. Although I was not the one who started the thread, it was my suggestion.

I often feel like a minority on this board because I do want to date (I think the mass majority are not ready or do not want to...which I completely understand).

So, I was so happy to read a post about another single mommy going on a date...I didn't feel so alone anymore! I swear I think I am the only single mommy in Holland, so I feel ridiculously isolated. My married and childless single friends try to understand, but I get tired of having to explain why I feel certain ways about introducing ds to a prospective mate, sleepovers, etc, etc. :

I am entering another phase in my single mommy life, a positive phase, for me, and I was just hoping that such a thread would help me find other mommies in that phase...to help work through all the complicated 'kinks' that come with single mommy dating. Man, there are many too, it is not so easy with children and an stbx! :

Therefore, I truly did not mean to make ANYONE feel left out!!!! I need you all in my life, especially as I encounter these new trials and errors. And, I think even those mommies that are not ready to date, could really help those of us who do...keep our heads/hearts 'in check' and offer thoughts and opinions about dealing with new partners, stbx and the little ones!!

Well, this came out a lot longer than I had in my mind! Typical for me! Sorry...I just have a hard time with "segregation", especially if I am the one that started it! Maybe I am also being overly sensitive...blame it on the monthly "hormone surge"!

[mocha09]

Oh, Holland....... I really started this thread with a light-hearted feeling....

I started it not because I felt ostrasized or anything, but just to provide some contrast in our lifestyles! Please, please, please don't think that you offended me or anyone in ANY WAY.

I love lurking on the dating thread. I think I even posted a little lurk guy there. I am genuinely very happy for my sisters who are venturing out into date world, and, in a way, I can live vicariously through you until it's my turn.

I'm glad that you are finding other mamas who are dating, and can find some kinship with them. I'm glad that we can support each other in whatever endeavour, be it dating, abstaining, dealing with our kids' fathers, dealing with work, money, whatever.....

I never think of us here as being categorized in any way into "dating" or "un-dating" and it certainly was not my intention to divide us into two camps.

I suppose I was feeling in the minority as not being ready to date, just as you were feeling in the minority in beginning to date again, and we both found out that neither of us are alone.

[Holland73]

Thank you!!!

[mocha09]

I sent you a PM, and wanted to publicy add a piece of it here:

It was really not my intention to divide us or segregate us in any way. Our little MDC forum is very important to me, and I see you and the other mamas as my sisters.

I realize now, that if I posted a thread about something that was very important and exciting in my life, and someone else posted a thread a little later about generating support for the exact opposite..... well, that would really suck. I wish I was thinking more clearly this morning before I posted.

[Holland73]

I have also just PMed you.

We have all had these moments...so, no worries!!!

[wemoon]

Oh ladies! It is ok for us all to be in different stages of single-hood! I feel like we all need general support and specified support. I'm ready to date, and many are not, it is OK! We are all here for each other and the paths and stages that we are all in. I think it is good to have the dating thread and the non-dating thread and hope that both of them stay.

[Dragonfly]

Holland. Don't worry AT ALL about it. I think we're all just having a little fun.... and I, for one, am thrilled for you ladies who want to date - just as I'm thrilled for myself for not wanting to date! :LOL

All in good fun. We deserve it, right?

[paloma]

Livin' through you datin' mommies! I call my datin' girlfriend every few days and walk away dreamy-eyed.

[1xmom]

I'm not dating right now and really have no desire to. One thing that bothers me though, is if I don't date or anything people think you're still hooked on your ex or something. They make you feel like something is wrong if you are not interested in anyone.

[Millie Ivy]

Another one NOT dating right now. I dated this past winter for the first time since the divorce and I really really shouldn't be trusted with that yet!!!

So, not that I would necessarily run from a nice guy if I was asked, I just am really not looking, and I have very little room in my life for it. Right now I would happily live my life with just my babies forever. Like someone already said, I would rather be single than with anything less than perfect (for me, obviously, I am not holding out for a perfect anything.. )

I live at home with my parents, who are awesome, I own a ladies boutique with my my mom and sister, who are my best friends. And I belong to a co ed gym, but I go at tenor eleven am and guess who is there? Other moms! So when do I meet anyone? And am I gonna work at meeting anyone? No thanks!

PS, addie wanted to add a smilie...so :