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Handshakes

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
Is shaking hands going out of style? I really like shaking hands, and with most people, I much prefer it to a big squeezy hug that is totally out of proportion to the closeness of our relationship.
And I don't think handshaking is less warm than a hug, if you do it right, and actually feel the person's hand and look eye to eye, it can be quite nice. The weird chest to chest hug that people are trying on me is just awkward.
I actually reach out my hand and they shun my hand, and instead rear up like a bear for a big untender sqeeze, or a hold- the -chest- away- and-uncomfortably -pat-back-with-hands manuever.
Do most people just associate handshakes only with business or something?
I really can't imagine why some people find it more awkward to touch someones hand briefly, than to squeeze the whole front of your body on to the whole front of someone else.
Edited by bruna - 2/1/14 at 10:35pm
post #2 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by bruna View Post

 a hold- the -chest- away- and-uncomfortably -pat-back-with-hands manuever.
 

Lol!!! I know what you mean!

post #3 of 13

Nope still shake hands plenty here! Around where I live it's a very transient town and a lot of "important" people (as in because of the town's main industry everyone know everyone and future job prospects are always a handshake away). I'm always being introduced to people and shaking hands is very big :)

post #4 of 13
Thread Starter 
I like business handshakes a lot too. I shook a very helpful shop clerk's
hand at the end of a shopping trip recently, and I hope it conveyed the appreciation I felt.
The city I live in is just super casual in common society. Lots of thanks' thank you', and sorry', but not much eye contact.

Because of the unwanted hugging, I have actually had to say to my young adult stepsons and their friends
"I like handshakes!", when they come to the door and I welcome them in.
smile.gif
Edited by bruna - 2/2/14 at 3:51pm
post #5 of 13

I agree. I love handshakes. I like hugs, but would prefer to save those for the people I feel a heart connection with. Hands feel so powerful to me. The energy exchange that comes from a hand shake is pretty awesome. My grandfather taught myself and my boys how to give a "proper" handshake. We feel like professionals. ;)

post #6 of 13

I haven't really noticed this, but would much prefer a handshake to a hug from someone I don't really know. I love hugs, but I'm definitely not the hug everybody type.

 

That said, I also don't really like handshakes. I don't see the need for physical contact when meeting a stranger, and handshakes kind of weird me out...just not as much as a hug.

post #7 of 13

This really depends on where you are geographically and in which cultural group (not only ethnically) you are, as well as age. I was way more crunchy hippie-dippy in my early 20s and everyone in my circle of friends hugged. I'm 40 now and these days while I'll always be a hippie in my heart I have found I'm a bit more "normal" than I was back then and people don't really hug people they don't know. I hug friends and in my spiritual meditation community people hug....but in the more mainstream "normal" society? I've never seen that. I totally feel ya though I am not really the touchy-feely type and sometimes it gets on my nerves that everyone in my meditation community always hugs. If everyone else in the mainstream society were like that I would go nuts, lol. For example, the other moms from my son's preschool....we would definitely not just hug each other. You mentioned younger people (your stepson) hugging a lot....but do you mean the regular folks in your town and other parents you know and such just all hugging as a greeting? I have never seen that. It must just be the place you live. OTOH, where I live (central western Europe) handshakes are only done in business situations or perhaps meeting someone for the first time although not always, and indeed rather formal.

post #8 of 13

I think I must project a "no touch" vibe. People don't try to hug me unless they're an old or close friend or relative. They don't shake my hand, either. 

post #9 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by beanma View Post
 

I think I must project a "no touch" vibe. People don't try to hug me unless they're an old or close friend or relative. They don't shake my hand, either. 

 

This.  I don't really like hugs.  I have some friends who I greet with hugging because I have gotten used to it.  I don't usually initiate, though.  I also only shake hands with people I might do business with or who work with my husband.  That said, I LOVE hugging my kids and like cuddling with and hugging my husband.  I am fairly physical with affection.  But that rarely extends past my immediate family.  

post #10 of 13
Thread Starter 

OP here - loving all of the thoughts on hand shakes...who knew... 

 

I think what prompted me to write about the topic is the idea of the heart connection that happyday8598 mentioned.

I don't like feeling obligated to hug someone whom I don't feel I share an emotional openness with; sometimes a hug will open things up, other times it just feels like it is smothering things.

 

That said, touching hands, and making eye contact, in the form of a handshake, can establish the trust I need before I can build this heart connection. I don't just want to act out or mimic love and affection, I want to experience it!

 

With my stepsons and their girlfriends, it is an issue of a recently blended family, with young adult stepsons. I want to shake hands and make eye contact in order to get to know them. The hugs just feel empty and dis-genuine at this point. I think that they perceive it as formal to them, and they have expressed as much, because they come from a rural, alternative culture, and are young and used to hugging each other hello. A culture clash really; to them it feels formal and uncomfortable, while to me, it feels very friendly. and casual.

 

I am standing my ground on this one a bit, because I think I want to insist that they get to know me, and my culture, on my turf :wink -  Tough handshaking momma here folks.

 

I need to bond with these boys who are the big brothers to my young son. It seems if I don't insist on some things, they don't take notice enough of my position in the family, as I am the strong, silent nurturer type, and often overlooked in the big talking, outgoing masculine dynamic they get going.

 

Last visit was a no hug, and a handshake across the table, so I'm getting somewhere I think :)

post #11 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by beanma View Post

I think I must project a "no touch" vibe. People don't try to hug me unless they're an old or close friend or relative. They don't shake my hand, either. 
Same. Handshakes do seem to be less common around here lately, though. I couldn't be happier, I hate shaking hands. A simple hello is good for me.
post #12 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by bruna View Post

OP here - loving all of the thoughts on hand shakes...who knew... 

I think what prompted me to write about the topic is the idea of the heart connection that happyday8598 mentioned.
I don't like feeling obligated to hug someone whom I don't feel I share an emotional openness with; sometimes a hug will open things up, other times it just feels like it is smothering things.

That said, touching hands, and making eye contact, in the form of a handshake, can establish the trust I need before I can build this heart connection. I don't just want to act out or mimic love and affection, I want to experience it!

With my stepsons and their girlfriends, it is an issue of a recently blended family, with young adult stepsons. I want to shake hands and make eye contact in order to get to know them. The hugs just feel empty and dis-genuine at this point. I think that they perceive it as formal to them, and they have expressed as much, because they come from a rural, alternative culture, and are young and used to hugging each other hello. A culture clash really; to them it feels formal and uncomfortable, while to me, it feels very friendly. and casual.

I am standing my ground on this one a bit, because I think I want to insist that they get to know me, and my culture, on my turf winky.gif  -  Tough handshaking momma here folks.

I need to bond with these boys who are the big brothers to my young son. It seems if I don't insist on some things, they don't take notice enough of my position in the family, as I am the strong, silent nurturer type, and often overlooked in the big talking, outgoing masculine dynamic they get going.

Last visit was a no hug, and a handshake across the table, so I'm getting somewhere I think smile.gif

I could see that being hard for them. I haven't lived anywhere where handshakes are even slightly common.
post #13 of 13
Oh my! Hugs are so personal. I just moved from a very huggy place to a very friendly place...what a difference! I love not feeling obligated to hug evrryone...and having the more genine geetings that don't always include contact at all.
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