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Please Help!

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 

My daughter is 34 months old - almost 3 - and not graduated. I think she has actually increased the number of misses per day over the last year and a half (all of which I have thought she was almost there). I don't know how to proceed.


Some history  - with my son, we started EC part time at 5 months old (both parents worked outside the home). Even still, he graduated at 23 months, both day and night. He has a strong personality and was extremely active. After he learned to walk, it did get kind of hard to get him to sit on the potty, but we just used anything that worked. What ended up getting him on board with using the potty was a little tin of cars that he could play with when he sat on the potty.


My daughter (3 years younger than my son) has always been a fairly easy personality. We started EC at birth and went diaper free a lot up until she started moving around. When we did use diapers, we did cloth (same with my son). I stayed home with her and we have always had a great connection. When she was 16 months old, we were often having no misses in a day and we switched to underwear full time. I thought she would graduate by 18 months. We're still not there!


Here's how the day goes. We put her to bed around 9pm and usually potty her (half asleep) around 11 or 12. She doesn't pee the rest of the night, nor in the morning upon waking. She usually prefers to wait until after breakfast. If we try to get her to sit on the potty when she doesn't want to, she is adamantly opposed to it. She is such an easy going person usually, that we really want to respect when she does have a strong feeling for or against something. So, we normally figure if she doesn't want to try, she must not need to. Well, sometimes this is true, but sometimes not. Because she can hold it for hours and hours, it seems impossible to predict when she might need to go. She definitely gets it that pee pee is supposed to go in the potty, but she doesn't seem to even try to get to the potty. She's very interested in pottying - changing her baby's diapers, teaching them to go on the potty. She talks with her younger friends about using the potty. Today she was standing in the bathroom talking with a little friend who was getting his diaper changed, and she peed in her pants, just a few feet from the potty! In the last 6 months, we've even had some poo poo misses.


I've tried to interject fun into the potty station, like the way we had car tin for her brother. I read books to her on the potty. She has art supplies to draw, or her favorite - scissors and paper for cutting work. She has stickers too. I feel like she is just fine with having misses all the time - that after all this time it's just become part of life to her, and she has no motivation or interest in graduating.


post #2 of 5

Bumping for you! I hope some of the more experienced EC people can post some helpful info.

post #3 of 5

We're struggling with similar issues. Our current approach is to have our daughter clean up when she's peed on things (not shaming, not punishing, but trying to make it as annoying for her as it is for us). But it's tricky.

post #4 of 5

No BTDT experience or solid advice, but have you read anything about "regular" potty training? I don't know if it would be at all helpful. I know that some ECers use Oh crap. Potty training to finish.


Having her clean up, possibly including rinsing off her pants and hanging them to dry, might help it be an annoyance for her. I agree with PP, that it shouldn't be a punishment or shaming, just a casual "when we get something dirty, we have to clean it up", the same as asking her to clean up her toys when she's finished playing.

post #5 of 5

Don't have any BTDT advice for you, but just thought I'd ask about diet.  I know dairy can do weird things in regards to bedwetting, and I find that DS has a lot more "misses" when I'm having dairy (he's 10 months, and nursing).  It may be totally irrelevant, but I figured I'd pass it along.  :)

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