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Hospital bed rest - and my mom drives me insane - RANTING Post

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 

Hi there , 


I am on hospital bed rest at the moment, hospital due to antibiotics and lung development for the little one, which they won't do outside hospital for whatever reason. 


My mom came into our house for a couple  of days, to help out. And she does help, obviously, but she slowly but surely drives me insane. Even over the phone. 


Nothing I do or did was ever good enough for her. My high school scores, just tolerable. My university degree, expectable. Having to many kids for my career (after all the money and effort that went into studying - (university is free in germany) 


Doing too many things, crafting too much, having too many pets and animals. She totally does not see the whole picture and I cannot make her, as hard as I try. 


Every day she calls me to tell me, that I either have too many clothing for the kids or not enough. My washing area is a mess (what a surprise after being one week on bed rest) 


She cannot bring the kids to the hospital for a visit, because that is too hard, plus she does not have time because she needs to fold the towels. 


Just a moment ago she was shouting at me because I clearly don't helicopter my DH enough, who has ADHD and NEEDS to learn to sort out his things for himself (obviously I help if asked) 


This morning she shouted at my DD1 (7) for not being cooperative in the bathroom because she cried for missing her mommy (DH told me that) 

She does not get that highly cooperative kids with a more or less stranger person in a situation like that (being left by mommy and bellybaby could be premature) is NOT psychological healthy or normal. (but it's more important to be on time on and to look tidy than ANYTHING else) 


She told me that the new baby (my fourth for god's sake, I DO have some experience) - needs to go where a baby belongs, into his bed and not being carried around all the time like the other ones. 


Today she told me over the phone (while I was strapped up to the ctg) that we are such uncoordinated parents that cps will get our kids sooner or later - and that she thinks that I am clinical insane. I interrupted the phone call at that moment. 


I don't know why everything has to be THAT hard. I am thankful, like really really thankful for a health system that does support me, and that we will get help for household duties until bellybaby is born (and if it's premature than even than). 


And I am thankful that my mom came to help us and I try to appreciate it. But it is hard. She is so superior - and that after all of our history together. She raised three kids in an abusive relationship, we where physically punished, my Dad was a sociopath and I really thought he would kill me a couple of times. 

She let abuse happen in her home. And she abused, physically and psychologically. DB was drug addicted and has no finished education (but is in a healthy relationship and working), DSis was clinically depressed as a teenager and is sociophobic still, and has a lot of luggage to carry, and I was clinically depressed, and had a severe eating disorder, and was suicidal a couple of times. But none of this was her fault, since she was "Super Mommy". 


I am reading "Will I ever be good enough" at the moment, and I hope it will give me some insights, and help healing and cope with this. 


I really do feel trapped at the moment. I don't think that I would be able to stand it with her around when I am at home. 


She just does not stop. Even if I tell her to stop. Even if I tell her that the doctors are doing their rounds and that Icannot talk right now. She.Does.Not.Stop.


Thanks for listening. 


Tell me if I am crazy...



post #2 of 6

Not crazy just super stressed as is to be expected. There have been quite a few threads over the years about toxic parents/people in the Personal Growth area if you wanna try to check that out. I'm sorry to hear about your past and having to deal with the level of stress you're around. I don't know anything about the book you referenced. I hope it helps you in some way. I also had some abuse and crazy situations at home when I was younger and had a lot of issues with my mother from it as well. It sucks :(


The most important thing right now is for you to keep that baby safe and healthy inside for as long as possible. Your kids will be okay. I know your mom might suck but the kids will survive it and honestly it'll all be a distant memory before long. How long are you expected to be in the hospital? I see your due date isn't until May... hopefully not that long. Don't worry about venting here. If you need to go ahead and vent. You can pm me if you want. I hope things get better soon. I'll be thinking of you and your family and hoping for a blessed outcome.

post #3 of 6
Thread Starter 
Thank you smile.gif
Unfortunately i used all my bandwith for today, so i can Not really Write anmotze, i hate this litte phone Keyboard ...

I calmed down a Little.
post #4 of 6

I'm glad to see you're feeling better today :)

post #5 of 6
Thread Starter 

My mom just told me that she thinks CPS will take our kids away because we are soooo chaotic. (I have a meeting with CPS - or something similar in Germany due to the bigger kids ADHD and trying to get some extra support for them) 


My friend, who is our cleaning lady as well talked to me this morning, and she was nearly crying, because my mom said mean things like: And now the FOURTH baby! (and my friend is highly sensitive because she lost her little daughter two years ago due to prematurity) - and other mean things. For example that I cannot expect to be able to lie in bed until may (due date) from now on, because there is too much work to do - stuff like that. What kind of mother is this? 


I get a bit worried, because my friend does not know how to behave around my Mom, because she appears to try to change everything (she apparently tried to give away our chickens?!) and behaves like a corporal with my family. 


My husbands appears to be alright with this just now, but I don't know how long he will be able to take this...and I for sure can't

post #6 of 6

I'm sorry your mother is being so negative! Is there someone else who can help instead? I want to give her the benefit of the doubt but it doesn't sound like it's worth it if there is another option.

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