My partner and I have been together for 4.5 years, but we only moved in together last summer when I had to move for school. His discipline style is... Ineffective. I knew that going into this, but he's been pretty open to changing, and he's gotten better over the years I've known him.
His older two kids have some real problems, especially his son. My DSS Is violent and can be very mean. He's 10. This is yesterday- he sneak attacked two kids with snowballs. He chased his sister into the bathroom after they had been arguing over who got to hide in a cupboard, and had to be physically removed. He told his dad to f**k off when he tried to talk to him about it. Later when I said it's not ok for him to throw snowballs at someone who doesn't want him to, he said ,"whatever".
This morning, I was upstairs and I heard my daughter yell, "give it back!" And then scream and start crying. I went down to see what happened, and his dad started acting like DSS was being victimized. He said, "Just because she starts crying you assume he did something". And, "Why can't she just wait for him to give the toy back?" He accused me of singling out DSS. Later she showed me where he had dug his fingernails into her hand, enough to draw blood.
I thought that it would help DSS to live with me. And it did for a while, he got better with consistent discipline. But the last few weeks have been a lot worse, and my partners response is to act like nothing's wrong. This thing where he blames others for the fights and downplays the violence is normal for him. For example, when he threw snowballs at his sister, it was DSD who got yelled at. DP didn't say anything to his son.
I feel like I can't live with them anymore. I'm home later than everyone else because of school, and frankly I don't feel comfortable having him watch all the kids. I feel like my home life is unstable, and that makes it so hard to concentrate on getting through school! I worry about what's happening to my kids when I'm not there.
Thanks for reading!