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Mothering › Groups › March 2014 Due Date Club › Discussions › After baby arrives, THE IN-LAWS

After baby arrives, THE IN-LAWS

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

OK I am obviously a FTM and as many of you know I am expecting frat twin girls in just a few weeks... not only is a baby enough to send grandparents crazy, but TWO?


My husband and I are very close with my family... my mother who lives down the st from us will be attending the birth, and my sisters will be at the hospital as soon as I am in recovery room.... but his family lives a few hours drive away, and we are not very close with them. His mother was not the best and still isn't... but I'm not going to forbid her from seeing her grandbabies. Shes just DEF not babysitting...ever.


But seeing as these are our first kids, and we've been planning this pregnancy for over 5 years, we really want time to ourselves once we bring the babies home. No interruptions... we just want to bask in the newness and just fall inlove with eachother. plus I will be exclusively breastfeeding the twins and that alone is going to be a challenge, I really want to establish a comfortable routine with them before anyone besides my helpful mother and sisters come....

... so when do I "Allow" the inlaws to come? I think I have at least arranged for them to stay elsewhere when they visit...i dont have a spare bedroom so having people on couches is not OK. but... what do you all think????

post #2 of 8
Are they close enough to come for a weekend lunch? If so, I'd have your DH suggest that it would be lovely if they could come for an afternoon and bring lunch. Otherwise I'd be really blunt and say one visitor at a time with the expectation that they will keep the house running (cooking, cleaning and laundry) while you focus on the babies. They can choose if those stipulations will work for them. Your DH should communicate these things to the ILs though...
post #3 of 8
Thread Starter 

They are definitely far enough away where they would need to stay a night, or if they come early in the morning and leave that night they will be with us alll day. I suppose a few weeks down the line i can handle it so the question remains, how many weeks is appropriate to have them wait?? Aside from helpers how long do ppl wait before bringing baby to extended fam houses etc?? 


He really only has his mom, sister, 16 yr old nephew and aunt... aand they travel together. i'll def have him talk to them about it. 


thanks, theres a lot i havent thought about bc ive been so focused on relaxing and the big day

post #4 of 8
If they are coming for just a day, could you have them come on a day where your Mom and/ or sisters could be there to help you? I'd definitely ask them to bring food however it is done (or pay for the takeout).
post #5 of 8
The one thing I found after my son was born was my voice. I think there is no set amount of weeks that's appropriate, it's when you are ready. Twins is a whole other ball game and even though we all want to keep things nice with friends and family sometimes we have to wait and see. When we told my in-laws I was pregnant the first thing my mil said was when are you visiting? Ummm when am I flying with my baby across the country? Ummm after I get to know this baby and I think we can make the trip without me losing my marbles! Thank goodness for Skype and FaceTime. All we can hope for is that people respect us speaking our truth, especially if we come from a place of good intentions. Sometimes people surprise us with how understanding they can be- maybe they will be super cool with just a quick visit even if they have to spend the night, meeting new babies is totally worth it.
post #6 of 8

The other thing to keep in mind is babies have growth spurts on/around the 3's & 6's (3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months).  If your twins come early, it may be harder to predict exactly when those will fall, but I would HATE having visitors during one of those.  In my experience, the baby is up ALL.NIGHT.LONG nursing off and on, on and off, and then all through the day.  Every baby is different, but it would be really tough to do anything during that time (if I remember right they last around 1-2 days).  If you can schedule visits to avoid those hard days, that would be good.

post #7 of 8
Thread Starter 
Yes, thank you all. I'll just have to tell them we need time to adjust and we'll let them know... No drama necessary. Also thanks for the growth spurt info... Omg there's so much idk abt babies!!!! :::minor panic attack:::
post #8 of 8

 I learned my lesson with baby number one, by now people know that i don't like company for a week or two after i have a baby. if you think you will need time and space don't be afraid to take it.

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