or Connect
Mothering › Groups › July 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › Food for thought

Food for thought

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
Would be interested in your perspectives on this article on parenting. It really resonated with me.

post #2 of 5

Interesting read. It reinforced for me, at least, how different our family is from most of America. I am a stay at home mom, so from 6-530 or so, I am the one doing all of the parenting, obviously. Outside of those hours, I would say my husband does the majority of the parenting. It is very important to him that our son grows up knowing Daddy can do all of the things Mommy does. I also hate to admit this, but I'm a TERRIBLE nighttime parent, and my husband actually gets up with the baby every. single. time. (Unless I'm nursing. Obviously he can't nurse the baby, although he says if I will pump for him, he'll feed him, too). 


I will say that the part about men doing much less multi-tasking is definitely true. If I ask him to go make dinner, or he goes to clean something up, he will always give me the baby. If I were to go do it myself, I would just Ergo him on my back and go about my business. 

post #3 of 5

this jumped out at me:

"One of them—usually the mother—is more alive to the emotional undercurrents of the household. As a result, this more intuitive parent feels that the other parent—usually the father—is not doing his fair share, while the father feels that his wife is excessively emotional and wretchedly inefficient."

it seems like this is true already in our house (the first part, anyway), and I know it was true in my parents' case.  and even though I'm only six or seven months into this thing, it seems like it couldn't be any other way.  I value my intuition, novice though it may be, and I'm trying to cultivate it so that I can be a more attentive mother to a child who can't yet express himself verbally.  I think that being his biological mother goes a long way toward that end.  and since my husband just isn't aware of that mountain of little things that I notice, how could he act any differently?  I try to remember that, and to remember also that he's totally willing to do whatever I ask of him, and he never makes me feel bad for asking.


I should add that my husband doesn't think I'm "excessively emotional and wretchedly inefficient," or at least he's never made me feel that way. 

post #4 of 5

I stay at home and Ryan works so I consider it my "job" to do the house work and the majority of the parenting.  When he's home, he does an equal share (if not MORE).  He does the bed time routine with the kids while I nurse Ruby to sleep (and read while I'm at it...it's such a nice way to end the day!). He is a terrible multi-tasker though so that part did ring true!  Also, I think I do experience time differently.  My mind is always thinking about the next thing to be done and I am more emotionally invested in the running of the household while he does one thing at a time and never stresses about all that needs to get done.  We're both okay with that though; I don't think he needs to do more and he doesn't think I'm crazy lol.  We have a very "traditional"  (I know there's a better word but I can't think of it...you know what I mean though...the woman cooks and cleans, the man takes out the garbage.  Leave it to Beaver style. haha) style marriage because we like it that way and it works for us.  

post #5 of 5
I somehow missed this. I find it really fascinating, especially the part about leisure time. I think that is the most telling, because it reflects how we cannot be unburdened simply by being out of sight of the problem. Like how when we get my MIL to babysit, I still frett and miss Julia constantly, so it's not as much of a break really. I actually refused babysitting for months because it was worse to miss her than to miss my pre-baby lifestyle.
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: July 2013 Due Date Club
Mothering › Groups › July 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › Food for thought