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Stuff to do - Getting Ready for Baby! - Page 2

post #21 of 52

I get 4 non-negotiable weeks. I won't have FMLA or extended leave, as it's not work, it's graduate school rotations and missing that deadline would mean pushing me back 6 months. When it's the difference between providing for my family or putting us in precarious debt, I'll do what I have to. 

post #22 of 52

That's a horrible situation. I'm so sorry. Please don't think we were attacking you, you sound defensive. Ive seen WAY too many mamas who are just completely uneducated on their rights and I don't want anyone to be bullied out of their legal right to heal. Be prepared that it will be very difficult and you will very possibly bleed for longer than the 6 week standard if you're having to  move all day long. Take it extremely easy in those 4 weeks! Essentially your placenta will leave a huge scab and moving too much will cause that wound to continue to bleed. And you're right, support systems are great. As crazy as they make me, I'll be very happy to have my mother and sister in law living just a mile away since I know my husband won't be able to be home for more than a few days. I know I'll need one of them here to help with my toddler.

post #23 of 52
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fragolina View Post
 

I get 4 non-negotiable weeks. I won't have FMLA or extended leave, as it's not work, it's graduate school rotations and missing that deadline would mean pushing me back 6 months. When it's the difference between providing for my family or putting us in precarious debt, I'll do what I have to. 


fragolina - I know how this goes.  Schools are so darned rigid it's ridiculous.  There is no account for you being an excellent and dedicated student... all that falls by the wayside if anything will cause a deviation from the schedule.  Ugh. 

post #24 of 52

I wonder if this is one of those your-mileage-may-vary things about motherhood...

 

With my first, I really needed 8 weeks. I bled for a long time, and my stitches--which were supposed to disintegrate--did not, only they were on the inside (a weird tear), so kept "pulling" painfully without anybody being able to figure out why. That was terrible. But even with that, I was finishing up graduate school, too (in education, and I was working on an arts grant in a middle school), and although I had asked for an "incomplete" in my practicums, I didn't use it. The thought of having to wait another year, seek out another grant, pay for another class (!), was enough to push me through it. When it was done, it was done. Having two months to heal and rest would have made my life a lot easier, but I was glad to have it finished and not hanging over me, which was its own kind of mentally-healthy decision, you know?

 

And with my second, I got lots of sleep after the birth. I was very, very well supported by friends with food and help around the house and just coming over to sit with me and make cups of tea and hold my sleeping baby while I showered. By the end of the 3rd week, I felt *amazing.* I was getting FULLY DRESSED in the morning :lol, and was able to run short errands, and started working from home a few hours a week without trouble. Oh, and he was 11 lbs! So that was a doozy of a birth, yet it was still easier on my physically than the other one.

 

I guess the thing is, you don't know how you'll feel or what your circumstances will be. For me, it's a balance between articulating my best intentions and making my smartest plans, and being flexible and accepting of what is, when the time comes, all the while knowing that mothers throughout time have made myriad permutations of lifestyles and circumstances work (and that those support systems were always--and probably always will be!--powerfully helpful).

post #25 of 52
Thread Starter 

Ladies - these have been really helpful responses about what to expect in the first 6 weeks or so, and what I should be doing during that time and beyond.  Again, tremendous thank yous for each and every bit of it.

 

I'm sure the behaviors/activities will become evident as the situations arise, but I'm a mental planner.  I like to know what's what before it happens so my brain is ready for it.  I'm in St. Louis so there are lots of resources here.  There are classes at the hospital that I can use to find other moms with same-age babies and also there are things like mommy & me, etc. (which I only learned about yesterday by trolling the baby section of this site).  Being 40 with baby in a seriously Catholic area kinda leaves me as an oddball.  Everybody else's kids are headed off to college almost!

 

At what age does a baby generally go from wanting to snuggle all the time to wanting to look at stuff and be stimulated? 

post #26 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by innacircle View Post
 

There's more I want to type but DH is antsy to watch a movie right now (so rare for us).  Where/how do you find one of these postpartum doulas? 


Contact all of the midwives in your area and tell them what you're looking for.  Start there.  Then contact any/all other care providers to see if anyone (even receptionist) knows of any PP doulas.  Some are willing to travel, so check a good radius if there aren't any in your immediate area!

 

I second the Sears books, and La Leche League. 

 

What I have to do:   Hmmm...

1. Plan a move from Cali to Maine.

2. Find a house.

3. Find a midwife.

 

That's as far as I can think at the moment :)

post #27 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchymonkey View Post
 

That's a horrible situation. I'm so sorry. Please don't think we were attacking you, you sound defensive. Ive seen WAY too many mamas who are just completely uneducated on their rights and I don't want anyone to be bullied out of their legal right to heal. Be prepared that it will be very difficult and you will very possibly bleed for longer than the 6 week standard if you're having to  move all day long. Take it extremely easy in those 4 weeks! Essentially your placenta will leave a huge scab and moving too much will cause that wound to continue to bleed. And you're right, support systems are great. As crazy as they make me, I'll be very happy to have my mother and sister in law living just a mile away since I know my husband won't be able to be home for more than a few days. I know I'll need one of them here to help with my toddler.

 

[Very real language warning!]

 

Noooooo not defensive! Just kind of pissed that it's what I'm having to do when I was so focused and driven, and now all I can think of is chubby little cheeks and newborn smell and I want to say "F*$@ this!" but I can't! I have to keep going and I know that, and I also know that I'll have to keep working after I graduate in May...Graduate school is soooo expensive these days, in 3 years, I've accrued $100k in debt just taking out enough to cover classes and minimal living expenses. What's even sadder is that I've been working throughout, but it's not enough to even make a dent! 

 

And so I see my future unfolding in front of me, DH watching baby grow up while I go to work 12 hour days to make a good living for us. I'm not wanting to complain, and really it's the whole reason that I chose this path and started 7 years ago...to be self-sufficient and be able to make enough to have a comfortable life and care for my parents. I'm just SOOOOO jealous of DH, who will have a part time job and tons of time for cuddles and kissing booboos and packing lunches. 

 

I really should quit my bitching though, many people have it so much worse! And this career does come with 12 hour days, but working 3-4 days a week makes it completely worth it I guess. I just hope I have more energy then than I do right now!

post #28 of 52
Fragolina: I am so sorry. I hurt for you and understand what you are saying. I had my first while I was in grad school. Just... hugs. Life takes these crazy turns... My DH could stay at home with ours if he wanted to (I am the bread winner) and honestly I am glad he doesn't want to because I would be so jealous. Instead we have the WORLDS BEST NANNY and in the past couple years I have finally accepted that I can never responsibly be a stay at home mon and 9.5 out of 10 I am at peace with that. Yes, I will have to work, but because of that my children can take exrracurricular lessons and we can take family vacations in the summer. And you know what, I bet 150 years ago when mamas always "stayed home" I'd bet ya they didn't get to spend hours out of the day doing projects and cuddling like I wish I could stay home and do. They worked their fingers to the bone to make ends meet just like we all do and snuck time in every chance they got to cuddle those babies and chase them around the living room. That thought helps me feel more at peace.

What are you studying?
post #29 of 52

That makes me feel a little better, thank you! I'm studying pharmacy and it's killing me that I'm just SO CLOSE to being done, literally just a smidge over a year...we have terrible timing! This would all be so much easier without the distraction of a lovely little miracle happening :)

 

I take comfort in knowing that I'll have 3-4 days off each week, vacation and also make $100k+ a year. DH finished his marketing degree over a year ago and hasn't been able to find a job in his field...it's good to know that my field is still in high demand, and working in it for over 7 years helps to get my name out there.

 

I'm sure you all can relate to pregnancy hormones and how they make you crazy sometimes- this is definitely a crazy "I want to pull my hair out" kind of day inside. I try to hold it together for everyone in my life but thank you girls for listening to my rants! 

post #30 of 52
When my 4 yo was born, I was running a small paper. Content, layout, ads... everything, I was it. There was one other staff member, but not full time, annd she couldn't do my job. So, I had him on one day, wrote an article from the hospital that night, and was back at work with him in a wrap two days later. Sure, I wish things could have been different, and when I had to start leaving him behind to work, it was even harder. However, we both survived, and he is a healthy super attached kid.
post #31 of 52
Thread Starter 

Anything different to plan for having late August/early September baby in an area that has a cold miserable winter?  I've felt like a shut-in this year and have been going so bonkers.  Normally I'd be outside a lot and always am when the weather is nice. 

For us, baby months 3-7 will be just plain intolerable for anything outdoors. 

 

btw - yesterday we got our first baby clothes.  Not much, but DH just couldn't resist.  We were in the store and he heard some ladies cooing over a selection of such cute baby girl dresses.  Next thing I know he's headed over that way - my big former college football player amongst 5 women - looking at it all.  He's such a girl! 

post #32 of 52
For us months 2-8 could be miserable but 3-7 is more likely too... Frostbite warnings in minutes (less for baby), frozen cars that take either forever to warm up or you freeze while driving around in it waiting to warm up...

We have a really high birth rate here (like highest per capita in the country or something silly like that) so obviously it can be done, but I've never had a baby in temps/weather like this before either...

The only major thing I can suggest is to go for a shower cap style car seat cover and NOT on the sleeping bag/bundle me type things. The sleeping bags ones go under the baby and can affect safety in a crash. Whereas the shower cap style don't interfere with the straps/safety and you can stuff some blankets over the top of the straps and under the cap to help.

Also try and find a thin fleece type snowsuit for going out in the car seat and then a thicker one for outdoor activities.
post #33 of 52

I am looking forward to being somewhere less intensely cold than it is here next winter. I mean, it's Canada, it will still be cold and snowy, but not like here where it is -40 for weeks on end.  

We always have coats in the car, but they are never worn in the car (the poofy factor means seats/seatbelts don't function as they should) so I always have to spend 20 minutes warming the car before we can go somewhere.  With a tiny baby, I used to use a showercap style cover and a wool blanket tucked over baby before putting the cover on.  And lots of layers on baby- they make silk long underwear in infant sizes, and it helps a lot!  Oh, and Padraigs... though where I am now, I find hiring a local woman on the reserve to make moose hide moccasins has been even better.  The price is high, but they are about all I have found to keep feet warm and prevent bad slips and falls here. She makes them with an additional lacing panel so they should last for at least a few years for each child though. Also, I feel strongly that artisans should be paid fairly for their craft, so I pay what they cost and make the best of it. 

We have really not done much outside this winter.  In most places, I love taking kids sledding and building forts.  Here it is just too dangerously cold- even a few minutes is hard on their lungs. Even my Saint Bernard asks to come in after just a few minutes outside. I don't know if there is a good way to deal with tiny babies in this sort of a climate short of as much time hibernating at home as possible.  Happily, by spring they will be ready to go out to explore grass and smell flowers, so a warm cozy winter nursing in a warm chair isn't so terrible a prospect. 

post #34 of 52
Thread Starter 

Seems like there would be heated car seats by now, since everything else in vehicles is heated (front seats, back seats, steering wheel, mirrors). 

 

RainbowAsylum - We lived in Alaska when I was little and I'm pretty sure I had some moose hide moccasins.  They were great - I liked them so much better than those miserable polyester footie pajamas I was forced to wear.  Those were torture!

 

If we don't see a good way of sticking it out for winter (my sanity is the biggie here) we may rent a house in FL for a few months.  We're totally mobile ppl so that would be no big deal.  The strange thing is the cold didn't used to bother me, but now I just plain don't like it.  I avoid it tooth and nail unless I have something fun to do outside like snowmobile or sledding.  Maybe that's what getting old does, and that's how ppl turn into snowbirds!

post #35 of 52

Oh- I just thought of my major 'stuff to do' list. 

Potty train my 2yo over the summer.  He's already removing wet diapers and showing interest in using the toilet.  However, the average temperature of my house right now is about 60 degrees- in the warmest spots.  We can't do naked time for learning just yet. 

Also, encourage the same 2 yo to begin to move away from cosleeping. This may be a slow process, he is my velcro kid. But I really really really want him sleeping independently sooner rather than later.  He is still on a schedule that means he stays up until I go to bed, and I really would like some small-child-free time in the evenings.  I know it can be done, it's just going to be a difficult change. 

post #36 of 52
My major thing will be decluttering... Somehow the house has gotten over run quickly greensad.gif
post #37 of 52

The cross country move will force me to do that.  My house needs it as well.

post #38 of 52
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by delightedbutterfly View Post

My major thing will be decluttering... Somehow the house has gotten over run quickly greensad.gif


This is my number one battle.  How does it all accumulate?  I call it "perimeter buildup" and usually it's bc I can't decide where to put things (we have a history of moving too much).  I'm always in a temporary living mindset. 

Also - anybody hate the mail?  I've opted out of everything yet I get about a 6" stack of mail per week.  70% of that is junk to be recycled, 29% is also junk but has something to do with finances so it must be shredded, and the remaining 1% is actually a valid and useful piece of information.  HATE it.

post #39 of 52
Mine accumulates because I battle what was well on it's way to being emotional hoarding. I'm way better now but most of the family likes to give us glorified crap for many gifts. Like my MIL who just stopped by with Vday gifts. She could have just gotten each kids the stuffie they wanted and some chocolate but instead there was some other stuff from the $store that was cheap crap. Basically just to make the present seem bigger. She gave DH and I a gift too and the only thing worth keeping in it was the lotto ticket.

And we've been eating out way too much so there's too much junk from that and school and we've had a lot of dr/dentist/specialist Appt's lately and those come with more clutter... And hand me downs from friends and and and. I personally buy almost nothing. I bought the girls custom made hair clips for VDay. They have a place and a spot and won't cause clutter because they have a specific place to go already.

I hear you on the moving. It takes me an average of 2 years to fully feel "at home" in a place and I had *just* gotten to that place after 4 in our other house... Before that I was moving every two. It will be two years this summer in this house and the house is no where near where *I* want it to feel settled. It's like I need to live in a place for a while before I know what it needs... The whole house needs to be painted, I needs some new furniture to work in this house. And I need to figure out how I still want the layouts in most rooms. So being unsettled doesn't help.

And I was keeping on top of it pretty well until Nov when I basically was out of the count and I still haven't fully recovered and the kids and husband have basically been zero help and the house is not in good shape. And what is going to be the babies room has turned into a dumping ground for "stuff"...

I need/want the energy back so I can start nesting!!!!!
post #40 of 52
Thread Starter 

OK ladies - this is a check in to see if anybody is getting their stuff done!

 

cagirl - did you find a provider yet? 

 

goingonfour - have you seen your midwife for a 1st appt yet?  Did you decide on a wall mounted changing table?

 

fragolina - have you figured out the childcare situation yet?  Have you asked DH's sister?  And how bout that 2nd bedroom/nursery... any changes in there?

Oh, and are you still doing a gender reveal party? That u/s isn't too far away now!

 

mariehoney - have you reclaimed your diaper stash yet?

 

crunchy - have you hired a doula?  How about that wrap - have you altered it?

 

sheaffer - how far along are you with your move?  Did you find a house?  When do you go?

 

delighted - how's your clutter management?

 

AFM:  We now have DH's sister (the labor/delivery nurse) coming to stay with us for birth and ~2 weeks.  This is going to save us I'm sure bc we have no clue what to do with a baby!  Well, we do have a clue but it'll be nice to get pointers from someone with 3 kids (she had 4 but one died of SIDS at daycare).  I think this negates the need for the doula.

We will be looking at nannies still but only for part time (limited) use.  There are many who will also cook and clean so I'll prob have a helper a couple of days a week and for travel. 

As for the house, the baby room is empty and ready for bead board and paint this weekend.  I doubt we'll finish it before early April though bc DH has to go out of town for work this coming week.  That's OK - I don't mind working off and on now that I'm pg (before I'd have been totally gung-ho).  I've ordered a plethora of baby supplies off of Amazon and Costco.  I still have to pick out which Chicco infant car seat I want (the kind with the cover or the one without) so I can just go ahead and order it.  I got the Chicco Keyfit Caddy (stroller) to carry the infant seat.  It's neat to see the items collecting but daunting at the same time.  Starting from nothing is such a challenge!

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