or Connect
Mothering › Groups › August 2014 Due Date Club › Discussions › Struggling with wanting to know what the sex is.

Struggling with wanting to know what the sex is.

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 

Hey ladies,

 

So now that I'm in the second trimester, I am thinking a lot about what the sex of this baby is.  I wanted so bad to be team yellow and not find out at all, and let it be a surprise, but as time goes on I feel myself getting really anxious about the gender!!!  I already have a sweet adorable little boy already and I guess I worry about it being another boy!  I know that sounds ungrateful and insane but please let me emphasize that I am SO thankful for this pregnancy doing well and will feel blessed and in love with the baby no matter what the gender!  There's just this part of me that wants my little boy to be my only little boy...and it's hard to imagine loving another little guy as much as I love him!  I know that's crazy, but it's how I've been feeling and struggling with and I feel like finding out the gender in advance will give me time to wrap my head around the idea and bond if it is another boy.  

 

On the other hand I want the surprise and elation that comes with finding out at birth!  

 

I dunno, just so conflicted.  :-(  Any words of wisdom?  How do I chill out about this?  

post #2 of 18

We have six and only found out early the last time. The first time or two I was absolutely adamant that I did NOT want to know ahead of time. Then with numbers 3-5 I wasn't quite as firm about that but we didn't do routine ultrasound. With #6 I switched to ob care and let my girls decide - they all said yes! they wanted to know asap. Now with number 7 I am getting anxious already to know.

 

On gender wishes - we have one boy, our oldest, and five girls. I would love to give my son a brother. I really want another little boy. I know I will be happy regardless and we just love all our girls too, but definitely understand the desire you have.

post #3 of 18
I am generally a control freak which is why I think I want to find out the gender at our next ultrasound. But I got to thinking about it and I don't think there's any Real benefit to knowing. I mean I'm not going to be disappointed with either gender and I'm going to decorate the nursery in gender neutral colours anyways. So I guess if I were you I would ask myself- what's the benefit of finding out? It won't make you love it more, or meet it sooner, or grow healthier so what's the point? And if you can't shake that need to know feeling then go find out. I know it would make me kind of crazy not knowing.
post #4 of 18

Gender disappointment is real and doesn't mean you are ungrateful and won't love the baby any less.  I am in the same boat.  I have a wonderful son and hope this baby is a girl as we are done at two.  We won't be finding out because we love having the surprise.  There's not a lot of great surprises in life.  And I think for me, knowing early would just make me overthink it more.  Once I see that precious baby it won't matter what the sex is.  Good luck processing this!!!

post #5 of 18

DD is adopted recently, and my three bio kids are all boys. I was DYING to find out gender this time, as we've never found out before. It's not that I want a girl, but I think I was kind of expecting a girl because I've had three boys, and I was worried that if it was a boy, while I wouldn't be disappointed, the shock/acceptance of it would take away from the glorious moments of birth.  Then I went in for an unplanned 12 week ultrasound (we couldn't find the heartbeat) and the tech showed us the baby's crotch, and I saw what looked like a penis.  Now, I know at 12 weeks it could just as well have been a clitoris, but it sure looked like a penis to me.  I feel like now I've dealt with the fact that it could be a boy, and I don't need to find out.  I mean, it could be a girl, but it also could be a boy - instead of thinking that it had to be a girl because I've had 3 boys. I totally get the desire to know - I wanted to know so badly - but I feel that now that I've seen the possibility of a boy, I know I'll be thrilled with that as well.  Does that make any sense?  I suppose I rationally could have come to the same conclusion without the U/S, since obviously it could be a boy or girl no matter what, but I just feel so much calmer about it now. 

post #6 of 18

i face this EVERY pregnancy.

 

except my first.  w/ him i sensed it was a boy and was willing to wait.  then with the girls my husband DIDN'T want to know.  and then my last boy was such a blessing.  part of me wants to know, and part of me is just thinking i should ride this out and find out at the end.  but it's so hard.

 

i have wanted another son since my first, and it only took til my 5th to get that.  i really want another boy this time too.  i want 3 of each!  i didn't want boy/girl that strongly on the girls, but just enjoyed the ride and was surprised each time (not my 3rd, grandma died the day i went into labor so figured she was a girl to get named after grandma!)

 

my son really really wanted a brother too, and he was so overjoyed when number 5 was a boy, it's his 'special' brother and his only sadness is that they are so far apart in age that they can't play baseball together for a long time yet....  but he was playing spaceship w/ his sisters this morning, so it all works out.  i guess that's my vote- it's not just about gender, but also about being close and friends.  which works both ways.  and i knew my husband was gonna want at LEAST one more boy..... so having my DS2 was a great completion for our family.  this one is just a surprise treat on top of completion!

post #7 of 18

We'll be finding out, but frankly I'm pretty hardcore team yellow and we didn't find out with our oldest until he was born and I was totally happy with that.... This time around my husband is dying to know, and my son so adamantly wants a sister that I think a surprise brother on the day of the birth wouldn't get that relationship off to the greatest starts so having that adjustment time if it is a boy would bet good I think. 


We just set our ultrasound for the end of March. 

post #8 of 18
At first, I wanted to know, but now I want to keep it a surprise. I am hoping for a boy.
post #9 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oneserenityone View Post
 

We'll be finding out, but frankly I'm pretty hardcore team yellow and we didn't find out with our oldest until he was born and I was totally happy with that.... This time around my husband is dying to know, and my son so adamantly wants a sister that I think a surprise brother on the day of the birth wouldn't get that relationship off to the greatest starts so having that adjustment time if it is a boy would bet good I think. 


We just set our ultrasound for the end of March. 

we didn't find out w/ my 3rd and my son SO WANTED a brother and was very disappointed at first.  but he actually recovered pretty quickly....  but it was hard at first!!!

 

he insisted on being there for the birth and burst into tears that she was a girl.  but after naptime he came back and decided he loved her and was glad she was here even if she wasn't his brother.  and we named her after one of his favorite blue-eyed pixar characters and that made it alright too.  


Edited by HouseofPeace - 2/17/14 at 12:30pm
post #10 of 18

I was set not to know with the first.  With our second, I considered finding out.  I backed out of finding out because I felt like I wasn't in a place where I could be happy either way.  I needed the extra time to bond with our little one independent of gender expectations.  It worked for me.  I didn't even consider checking after our little one was born.  DH had to peek during one of the cord pulsing checks.

post #11 of 18

I've been swinging the fence on boy/girl and either one would be great for me. That said, I HATE surprises and I want to find out the sex. Even if I didn't, DH would beg the ultrasound tech to tell him, as he's been asking me every other day "So when do we find out the sex again?" "Probably about 5 weeks, love." "5 weeks? Ugh. ::sigh:: ok..."

 

His deal? He wants to buy baby shoes that match his but doesn't know which gender to go for shrug.gif  hahaha...I love that guy lol

post #12 of 18
That's so sweet, Fragolina!

I wish my DH wanted to know! We found out with our son, and I am sure I'll find out this time, but DH doesn't want to know so I'll have to keep all my crafting for baby on the down low!
post #13 of 18

I found out with my first because I wanted a boy so bad I knew I would have some gender disappointment if she came out a girl, which she did! So we found out and I had time to process my feelings while not being recently post partum and dealing with all that entails. This time around, I'm almost convinced it's a boy which would be great because I always wanted a little boy, but I want my daughter to experience having a sister, because they are so awesome. But brothers can be as well. So I was hoping to keep it a surprise....but maybe we won't. Our anatomy scan is set for for the day before my husband's birthday so we were thinking of having the u/s tech put the news in the form of a little picture that we bring with us so on my husband's birthday we can have our 2.5 year old open it and give us the big news! We're still not positive though.

post #14 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by EEEY2 View Post
 

 we were thinking of having the u/s tech put the news in the form of a little picture that we bring with us so on my husband's birthday we can have our 2.5 year old open it and give us the big news! 

 

 

That's actually a pretty good idea.  Have the news in a little envelope where I can open it later to find out or throw it away later if I want to keep it a secret fro myself.  I like that.  

post #15 of 18
It's funny, because I don't decorate the nursery based on gender, try to dress babies and tots pretty neutrally and get the same books/toys/etc. either way. I also never have a real gender preference and neither does hubs.

That being said, we never even considered not finding out with any of our babies smile.gif. I mean, if we weren't doing the 20-week anatomy scan then we certainly wouldn't take any special measures to find out, but the tech is right there anyway and they know and your doctor/midwife knows and ... I guess it always seemed like a bit of a farce to just say " don't tell me," when the knowledge is right there.

Actually, with DD1 we almost didn't find out at the anatomy scan. She had her legs crossed and the tech wasn't one to really pry/explore (which I totally support--really hate it when they prolong the exam for superficial reasons), and she said we could just schedule another ultrasound to find out gender, which we would totally not have done. Luckily for us, DD1 totally flashed us later in the exam when the check was looking at something else.

I get not wanting to know and I think it's a reasonable response to a gender-obsessed baby culture. I think it's sweet and old-fashioned. But I also think it's the only thing you get to find out before baby comes. There is still so much mystery and surprise on the big day! Finding out gender is all you get for 20 weeks.

For me, I also love naming my babies before they're born. Calling them by their name really personifies them and makes it so much more real to me. I've noticed it really makes a difference for DH too, who honestly is quite detached until we find out gender. Again, not that he has a preference, but that knowing makes it real.

Anyway. That's my two cents. I know I'll be the oddball on this one, but wanted to provide my reasoning in case it helps you to decide smile.gif.
post #16 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by BallardBaby View Post

...
That being said, we never even considered not finding out with any of our babies smile.gif. I mean, if we weren't doing the 20-week anatomy scan then we certainly wouldn't take any special measures to find out, but the tech is right there anyway and they know and your doctor/midwife knows and ... I guess it always seemed like a bit of a farce to just say " don't tell me," when the knowledge is right there.

...
 
Actually, our techs didn't even look when we said we didn't want to know.  It's not something that is part of the required measurements of pictures.  So no one knew.
post #17 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandmleona View Post


That's funny because on both of our exams, the tech asked in advance whether we would want to know so that she could avoid accidentaly "outing" the baby by just blurting it out when she saw it. And both times it came up in the course of looking at other things, I think doing the pelvic length measurement. I mean, you see their crotch a bunch during the scan!

We also had friends who didn't want to know, and the tech turned off their monitor during part of the u/s so they wouldn't see on their own... Not sure if your average layperson would really be able to tell, but it certainly is there to see!
post #18 of 18
We are finding out. It is going to be pretty.hectic when the baby is born, and I want to have pulled out the right box of clothes and be mentally ready and all that. Dh won't be here when the baby is born, and for several weeks after, so I am feeling a little.neurotic about preparation.

And, I didn't want to know.with #2, but I did see, and could tell fairly certain which he was. I think I'm going to fall over if this one is a boy, though. I just kind of assume its another girl now, lol.
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: August 2014 Due Date Club
Mothering › Groups › August 2014 Due Date Club › Discussions › Struggling with wanting to know what the sex is.