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I hate pregnancy

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
I'm sorry, but I do. I love my babies but this sucks. This is my third pregnancy and I have felt like crap all three times. I really hope this all goes well with no more problems than I have already have and I can be done with pregnancy forever! Seriously, if I could incubate a baby in a lab, I would be highly tempted. I kinda feel like I am serving a prison sentence. September seems like half a lifetime away. One reason it has taken me so long to get pregnant this time is because I kept putting it off. I kept thinking, when is a good time to totally waste 9 months of my life, and of course, the answer is never. I know one thing for sure, there is nothing in all the world except having a child that would make this all worth it. Sorry to be a Debby Downer but I just had to say it. Come on September!
post #2 of 28

This pregnancy is so full of anxiety then I started progesterone but now I'm still depressed. Like curl in a ball and wait for the next 9 months to pass depressed. And today my husband and I have the flu or a virus and it's even worse. And my grandmother in law that lives next door is constantly bitching that I hate her because I haven't been there in about a month but it's because I'm so damn depressed/sick. And she's a brick wall, no point in explaining that to her. She either won't believe, tell me it's my fault, or tell me what to do, or tell me when SHE was pregnant it wasn't like that so therefore one, I'm lying, and two, I'm just doing something wrong. 

 

 

I FEEL you mama. My last pregnancy wasn't like this and I can't wait for this baby to get here. 

post #3 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ambivalent Dreams View Post
Seriously, if I could incubate a baby in a lab, I would be highly tempted. I kinda feel like I am serving a prison sentence. September seems like half a lifetime away. ... I kept putting it off. I kept thinking, when is a good time to totally waste 9 months of my life, and of course, the answer is never.

AD - You are clearly clairvoyant.  I had considered surrogates in India if we ever decided to have kids. 

I want to add that pregnancy GROSSES ME OUT.  I know I'm not normal - most females seem to be thrilled enough that the negatives get minimized.  I however, haven't even told anyone.  It's almost an embarrassment... like I'm a victim or something. 

You'd think with medical training I wouldn't feel that way but I do... I always have.  I grew up a tomboy.  I wish I had the normal girl gene that made me cherish it but I don't. 

I swear, in my house DH should be the girl (the momma) and I'd be the guy.  He's already buying baby clothes and jokes about  his plans for some kind of "man teat" (I barely can type that - cringe).  I on the other hand, am the one who handles snakes and rodents while he's shrieking in a corner. 

He's the big breadwinner and I'm the big bread baker, but aside from that it seems like our roles are so backwards sometimes!

 

Thank you for posting this thread.  I feel so much better now.

post #4 of 28
This thread is so interesting to me. I fall smack at the other end of the spectrum as one who loves being pregnant. If I could be eternally pregnant I would very much consider it. I think pregnant bodies are beautiful, and I love the thought of carrying my child within me. At the end of my last pregnancy I was wishing it didn't have to be over and am sad at the thought that I may only get to do this half a dozen more times, or less. But I totally get how not everyone feels that way. If fact, It seems, At least in my experience that especially towards the end, most women are ready to be done.

Was this/these mindset(s) one you've had before becoming pregnant the first time or is it more a result from difficult pregnancies?
post #5 of 28
Interesting question CM! I always wanted to be pregnant and have four back to back to back to back... Pregnancy does not agree with me, and each one it seems to get worse. And as I get older I seem to be able to handle being sick with less grace. My body really doesn't handle sickness well any more and I have always had a bad immune system. I try and support it the best I can at any given moment but I need to do more. However inthe mean time I'm probably worse than my husband when I get sick wink1.gif

He gets the "man cold" type stuff but only for a day or two and then powers through the rest. I on the other hand still function but am sicker longer (probably because I'm still functioning). But I used to work in a harsh environment germs/immune system wise and could still work all kinds of sick without much issue. Now? Nope... But I sometimes wonder if that's because I don't have to.

Anyways the last couple times I was sick I was really questioning if I could go through pregnancy again. And I got pregnant while sick last time and I've never fully recovered. And right into pregnancy sickness... And in a way this one is turning out worse than the first two. I am mourning now, the likelyhood this is my last pregnancy, and possibly our last child even though I wanted more. I know I can adopt of course, adopting and fostering were very front if the line of my thinking a few months ago. But I don't want to disrupt birth order and I'm not sure I want to wait forever either to add to our family. So many emotions.

I would love to go through pregnancy feeling great and loving it. But besides the last half of the first I haven't really been able to do that. It doesn't help that I was also *really* sick after I had both babies either. I'm hoping this time goes better because we have most if my medical concerns addressed.

I can't say I hate it per say. I love many aspects of it. But I do hate the first trimester and beginning of the second, and I dislike many parts of pregnancy. I just wish I could enjoy it all more!
post #6 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrystalMarie View Post


Was this/these mindset(s) one you've had before becoming pregnant the first time or is it more a result from difficult pregnancies?

 

 

This is just my experience. My first pregnancy was pretty good. I had a little morning sickness and peed myself a good amount at the end but it was more of a "Oh haha yeah pregnancy is rough!" and it really wasn't. I loved being pregnant, I wanted my belly to grow nice and big and round, I was completely okay with my few and far between symptoms. And a lot of that is still true. I really hope that I feel better once this baby is bigger, is past the miscarriage stage, is kicking, my belly is bigger. I don't know what happened this time, I'm completely depressed. It's not the pregnancy I hate, it's this depression. I could deal with the sickness. My husband is probably bipolar (not medically diagnosed, but pretty obvious) and picks up on my depression and it makes his worse. He's doing amazing picking up my slack, but I know I'm bringing him down. 

post #7 of 28
Thread Starter 
Before I had ever been pregnant, I wanted to be one of those happy, glowy pregnant mamas with a yoga mat rolled up under my arm. Instead, I ended up puking my guts out for 9 months.

I've been sick the whole time with all three. This one is the mildest so far, but still food (which I normally love and find great pleasure in) is like an obstacle course and I feel nauseus all day every day.

I am usually a very active, cheerful person. Now I am more like a fat toad that sits on the couch and stares at the wall. I am not depressed, I just feel so bad physically that I don't want to move. I miss my old self and so does my family.
post #8 of 28

AD I like "food is like an obstacle course" I agree. I said the other day, I usually LOVE food. And nothing is enjoyable. Some of it's edible, but almost nothing is wonderful. 

post #9 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrystalMarie View Post

This thread is so interesting to me. I fall smack at the other end of the spectrum as one who loves being pregnant. If I could be eternally pregnant I would very much consider it. I think pregnant bodies are beautiful, and I love the thought of carrying my child within me. At the end of my last pregnancy I was wishing it didn't have to be over and am sad at the thought that I may only get to do this half a dozen more times, or less. But I totally get how not everyone feels that way. If fact, It seems, At least in my experience that especially towards the end, most women are ready to be done.

Was this/these mindset(s) one you've had before becoming pregnant the first time or is it more a result from difficult pregnancies?


CrystalMarie - I so want to be you.  I would love to know what it feels like to be enamored with this whole thing.  No previous pregnancy here - just an aversion to the whole institution. 

Aside from my tomboy nature, the only thing I could think of that may have tainted my view of pg was my sister.  First of all, I have a very straight-laced family.  Sister got pg at 16 with the town loser who my parents had forbid her to see.  She had been miss straight A student and was going to be in the state beauty pageant before that - but it all went to s**t for her then.  I was 6 at the time and it was a major ordeal in our family.  Lots of negatives stemmed from it.  I can see now that pg wasn't the bad thing, it was the actions that got her there and the resultant fallout.  But still, for a 6yo it definitely made an enormous impression.  Truthfully I wish I could erase her - she's the black sheep of our family.  Although she's accomplished professionally, she adds nothing to our lives - it's all just drama and grossness.  If not for that, I'd prob have no reason to think of pg in a neg light.

post #10 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ambivalent Dreams View Post

I am usually a very active, cheerful person. Now I am more like a fat toad that sits on the couch and stares at the wall. I am not depressed, I just feel so bad physically that I don't want to move. I miss my old self ...

AD - Again, it's as if your thoughts are taken right out of my head.  I've been "fat toading" since the 3rd week and I think that also makes me liken pg to serving a sentence for something I've done!  I feel confined/trapped in my own body.  My biggest enjoyment right now (and this is twisted) is watching DH do housework.  It elates me. 

Certainly the timing has not helped either - being pg with sickness/ickiness during this year's long persistent winter is the biggest downer. 

 

It is similar to playing hookey in a way.  I'm not doing what I know I should, so I can't completely enjoy things either.  I'm losing the contrast between work and enjoyment and it's all just jumbled together in a big blob of blahhhhhh. 

post #11 of 28
Thread Starter 
" it's all just jumbled together in a big blob of blahhhhhh.". <---- Yes. This.
post #12 of 28

I have mom,ents where I don't hate it, but for the most part, I feel like the crappy lazy-loser version of myself.There are dirty dishes in my sink! My house is not tidy!  My steps are not shovelled! I am a really snappy and impatient mother.  My marriage is the bottom rung of priority- well behind sleep- or even just sitting around watching Netflix.  Exercise?  Sounds like some terrible form of torture to be avoided at all costs. Meal planning?  Pft, it amounts to what I can face in a given moment. My poor kids are subsisting on whatever junk they want that can be prepared in less than 10 minutes.  Sure- sometimes it is good fresh stuff, but I don't rule out frozen pizzas because they are easy. It's so very blaaaah.

I know it will pass, but for now I just feel like such a slothful version of myself.  I mean, I look around and know what needs to be done, and how to do it, but I can't bring myself to actually do any of it.  I got the kitchen deep cleaned yesterday for the first time in a week- A  WEEK!  Ew. Then I lost all ambition.  I need to wash linens and change bedding, but that sounds like so much work... 

I am excited about meeting this baby, but I am also excited about getting reaquainted with myself again. 

post #13 of 28
I really appreciate all your responses.
Quote:
Originally Posted by delightedbutterfly View Post

Interesting question CM! I always wanted to be pregnant and have four back to back to back to back... Pregnancy does not agree with me, and each one it seems to get worse. And as I get older I seem to be able to handle being sick with less grace. My body really doesn't handle sickness well any more and I have always had a bad immune system. I try and support it the best I can at any given moment but I need to do more. However inthe mean time I'm probably worse than my husband when I get sick wink1.gif

He gets the "man cold" type stuff but only for a day or two and then powers through the rest. I on the other hand still function but am sicker longer (probably because I'm still functioning). But I used to work in a harsh environment germs/immune system wise and could still work all kinds of sick without much issue. Now? Nope... But I sometimes wonder if that's because I don't have to.

Anyways the last couple times I was sick I was really questioning if I could go through pregnancy again. And I got pregnant while sick last time and I've never fully recovered. And right into pregnancy sickness... And in a way this one is turning out worse than the first two. I am mourning now, the likelyhood this is my last pregnancy, and possibly our last child even though I wanted more. I know I can adopt of course, adopting and fostering were very front if the line of my thinking a few months ago. But I don't want to disrupt birth order and I'm not sure I want to wait forever either to add to our family. So many emotions.

I would love to go through pregnancy feeling great and loving it. But besides the last half of the first I haven't really been able to do that. It doesn't help that I was also *really* sick after I had both babies either. I'm hoping this time goes better because we have most if my medical concerns addressed.

I can't say I hate it per say. I love many aspects of it. But I do hate the first trimester and beginning of the second, and I dislike many parts of pregnancy. I just wish I could enjoy it all more!

Goodness, you've had it rough on the sickness front. I can only imagine the physical and emotional wear of being constantly sick and trying to care for little ones. I likely would have similar feelings if I had uncomfortable pregnancies. I hope that things ease up for you soon and you can have a comfortable, enjoyable possibly ( last pregnancy)
Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchymonkey View Post


This is just my experience. My first pregnancy was pretty good. I had a little morning sickness and peed myself a good amount at the end but it was more of a "Oh haha yeah pregnancy is rough!" and it really wasn't. I loved being pregnant, I wanted my belly to grow nice and big and round, I was completely okay with my few and far between symptoms. And a lot of that is still true. I really hope that I feel better once this baby is bigger, is past the miscarriage stage, is kicking, my belly is bigger. I don't know what happened this time, I'm completely depressed. It's not the pregnancy I hate, it's this depression. I could deal with the sickness. My husband is probably bipolar (not medically diagnosed, but pretty obvious) and picks up on my depression and it makes his worse. He's doing amazing picking up my slack, but I know I'm bringing him down. 
Depression is such a powerful thing. It has the ability to control so much of us. I'm sorry dear. I hope you're able to beat this soon, for you, baby and your husband sake.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ambivalent Dreams View Post

Before I had ever been pregnant, I wanted to be one of those happy, glowy pregnant mamas with a yoga mat rolled up under my arm. Instead, I ended up puking my guts out for 9 months.

I've been sick the whole time with all three. This one is the mildest so far, but still food (which I normally love and find great pleasure in) is like an obstacle course and I feel nauseus all day every day.

I am usually a very active, cheerful person. Now I am more like a fat toad that sits on the couch and stares at the wall. I am not depressed, I just feel so bad physically that I don't want to move. I miss my old self and so does my family.

Thanks for sharing. I can hardly imagine being sick the whole time. What a struggle. It probably feels so good when it's over and done with. I realize now how easy I have it and how having symptoms all 9 months would obviously make me feel differently about pregnancy.
post #14 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by innacircle View Post

CrystalMarie - I so want to be you.  I would love to know what it feels like to be enamored with this whole thing.  No previous pregnancy here - just an aversion to the whole institution. 
Aside from my tomboy nature, the only thing I could think of that may have tainted my view of pg was my sister.  First of all, I have a very straight-laced family.  Sister got pg at 16 with the town loser who my parents had forbid her to see.  She had been miss straight A student and was going to be in the state beauty pageant before that - but it all went to s**t for her then.  I was 6 at the time and it was a major ordeal in our family.  Lots of negatives stemmed from it.  I can see now that pg wasn't the bad thing, it was the actions that got her there and the resultant fallout.  But still, for a 6yo it definitely made an enormous impression.  Truthfully I wish I could erase her - she's the black sheep of our family.  Although she's accomplished professionally, she adds nothing to our lives - it's all just drama and grossness.  If not for that, I'd prob have no reason to think of pg in a neg light.

A tainted view of pregnancy from early on, I sometimes forget how influential those early ideas can be. I happen to have a tainted view of Fathers that my dh calls me out on occasionally, but I really struggle to move past. I assume it's very much similar. I'm curious, Do you think you will have more children? It will be interesting to see how you respond to motherhood once the babes here. I have an acquaintance who was similar, hated pregnancy and had a very difficult pregnancy, but really embraced Motherhood once the baby was her. I also have a close friend who enjoyed pregnancy and really struggle with the idea of motherhood and mothering once the babe was here. Everyone is different, this is such a clear reminder to me.
post #15 of 28
I hate pregnancy too! And I always feel bad for it! For the first half my body feels the way it does when I'm depressed even if I am not. And that sometimes brings me down. It's like the world doesn't know and can't see the work I'm doing so I just look lazy and that makes me sad. I a plus size mama already so I feel like I already battle the "lazy" stereotype. I usually enjoy it for a few weeks when I am big enough the world can finally tell but not quite exhausted and gigantic yet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by innacircle View Post

AD - My biggest enjoyment right now (and this is twisted) is watching DH do housework.  It elates me. 
it's all just jumbled together in a big blob of blahhhhhh. 

These 2 things 100%
post #16 of 28

I think I would hate pregnancy too if I was throwing up all the time! I hate throwing up with a passion.  I feel nauseous for a few weeks during the first trimester but then that's it.  And I have the normal discomforts that come with it too but nothing too bad so I've always loved being pregnant. So much so that I sometimes have to tease that apart from "Do I really want another baby right now or do I just want to be pregnant again?"  The thought of never being pregnant again makes me sad so I think it will be hard for me to know when I'm really "done."  I just find pregnancy such a miracle and with having so much trouble last time conceiving and then having 2 miscarriages, even the discomforts feel like blessings now.  But I have definitely been spoiled with not difficult pregnancies and I've never gone past 38 weeks so I never got into the "I am so DONE" phase of being pregnant either.  

post #17 of 28

Oh I am having such a good laugh reading this.  I can relate to the depressed lazy blahness of it all, food aversions and nausea and general overall lack of ambition.  I had no idea other people felt the same way.  Thanks.  I feel a tiny bit less miserable. :)  I hope the second tri brings much better times for all of us.

post #18 of 28
Thread Starter 
Is it pathetic I am glad people understand?

I guess the thing that makes me happy now is my kids. Even though I have no energy to actively play with them, and even though sometimes I am so tired that reading a story seems like a struggle, I still feel warm and happy laying here on the couch watchig them play. They really are beautiful. And, I hope I hope, soon there will be another one to play with them in the living room floor. I am excited for this baby because he/she is going to have really cool siblings to grow up with and I wonder who he/she will turn out to be and what our family will become because of them. Like I said, nothing but having a child would be worth this crap.

My SILs both said they felt sad they will never be pregnant again. I on the other hand get a little sad thinking about the day when there will be no more little children in the house. I am really looking forward to the teenage years (I might be crazy) but it would be nice if I could always have a 2-3 year old around in the mix though.

I may have to be very careful to not become one of those Mamas who is like "Where are my grand kids! I am waaaaaiting!"
post #19 of 28

AD I think venting yesterday helped me today! If you feel like no one understands then you will start to doubt your feelings are valid and that's not fair to yourself. Not pathetic at all to want compassion. 

 

I'm with you, my daughter is amazingly smart and funny and sweet and I can't wait to see how this one turns out and how my daughter evolves into a big sister. I definitely think I'll have some sadness not having the activity of beautiful children in my home but we're also very young so we're looking forward to being pretty young when our children are grown (which is part of why we decided to expand our family now even though it's not 'ideal') so we can travel and go on adventures together. 

post #20 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ambivalent Dreams View Post

Is it pathetic I am glad people understand?

I guess the thing that makes me happy now is my kids. Even though I have no energy to actively play with them, and even though sometimes I am so tired that reading a story seems like a struggle, I still feel warm and happy laying here on the couch watchig them play. They really are beautiful. And, I hope I hope, soon there will be another one to play with them in the living room floor. I am excited for this baby because he/she is going to have really cool siblings to grow up with and I wonder who he/she will turn out to be and what our family will become because of them. Like I said, nothing but having a child would be worth this crap.

My SILs both said they felt sad they will never be pregnant again. I on the other hand get a little sad thinking about the day when there will be no more little children in the house. I am really looking forward to the teenage years (I might be crazy) but it would be nice if I could always have a 2-3 year old around in the mix though.

I may have to be very careful to not become one of those Mamas who is like "Where are my grand kids! I am waaaaaiting!"

You'll just have to keep having kids till one of your olders has the first grandkid!  Then you won't have a chance to miss having a little one around. Done and done.

 

I really, really love being pregnant... after the first trimester.  The first trimester is a nightmare.  Last time I really started feeling great around week 17 or so... trying not to wish the time away but it's hard not to want the next couple months to just be over with.  Plus I'm ready for summer like you wouldn't believe.

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