Can anyone offer thoughts to change how I see my 11 year old? She is so much like her father, whom I divorced 3 years ago and it is so many of the aspects that I loathed in him, I find myself loathing them in her and that is a really yucky feeling. I watch some behaviors and they put me right back into that time in place when things were so bad with him...it brings it all up again.
For example; he was never motivated to do anything. Watching tv, eating, and avoiding helping me with kids/house was a daily battle. He didn't help with discipline, making parenting decisions, or anything else. He just zoned 95% of the time. He ignored me and was disrespectful of me.
My dd's motivation is a little better, but still she would rather absorb into the tv and eat as opposed to doing anything constructive at all. I thank the Gods she like to read because it is the one thing I can have her go do. But when I watch her zoning out, not being responsible with her things, expecting me to do everything for her, and not having an interest in doing much, I feel like the ignored mom/wife who didn't matter. Taking it a step beyond this and beyond me, it's good for her to learn to be creative and interested and attentive to her things etc. But..as a general rule, she's not. When I watch her I am truly afraid for her future. Obviously there's more to it than just the example I'm giving, but the fear I have is real and the issues/behaviors she has are real.
I think there may be some genetic issues at play. For example, her dad meets the criteria for aspergers and I see some of these sensory issues in dd, although she has been tested for processing disorders. I've known she has had issues her entire life, but it's never really been pinpointed. Because she is high functioning (does decent in school, has friends) they've never considered testing for autism spectrum....
ack..there's just a lot.
Maybe I don't make sense and it's late/stressful day.