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Mama burn-out

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 

The other day I told my husband I was more mentally and physically exhausted than I could remember ever being in my life. He looked at me incredulously. How could this be? Our son is an easy-going 11 month old who rarely fusses and I appear to have everything around the house under control. What he doesn't realize is I am now chasing our 11 month old ALL DAY LONG as he explores and discovers yet more ways one can accidentally die in 600 square feet. And he's got 4 rising bumps on those lower gums which appear to be the emergence of the lateral incisors and first set of molars. Last week while we traveled and stayed in hotels, hubby worked until late at night from his San Francisco office and I was following each day of toddler chasing with nights of being up hourly nursing away the teething blues. Yes, I am more tired than he is. It's not a contest but if it were I think I would win. On top of exhaustion when he does take our LO for walks to let me rest I lie AWAKE running never-ending to-do lists in my head. My brain is trying to kill me.

 

We have a little thread on this topic going on Facebook but I thought I'd open it up here too. Who else is feeling really spent? 

 

What are you doing to boost your immunity?

 

How much/often are you nursing now?

 

Any great nutrition discoveries you want to share or get help with? 

 

Are you getting breaks? How and when do you take them?

 

Do you have a good support network right now?

post #2 of 13
Just stopping by to give you a hug.(hug)
Of course you are tired, you are busy all day with a child.
post #3 of 13

While I have a second (because I also have an 11-month-old, LOL!)--

 

These two phrases jumped out at me:

 

everything around the house under control

 

and

 

I lie AWAKE running never-ending to-do lists in my head

 

I'm thinking something's gotta give-- in you!

 

:Hug

post #4 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by buko View Post
 

While I have a second (because I also have an 11-month-old, LOL!)--

 

These two phrases jumped out at me:

 

everything around the house under control

 

and

 

I lie AWAKE running never-ending to-do lists in my head

 

I'm thinking something's gotta give-- in you!

 

:Hug

Thanks. :)

post #5 of 13
Hmm, well this is timely.
I just had some kind of episode with my heart on Wednesday. Racing and pounding hard, felt like I might faint (I was driving). Pulled over, called DH and then 911. All blood work normal, EKG normal, chest X-ray normal...

And I've been feeling lousy ever since... Weak, confused, out of breath, forcing myself to eat, nauseated.

I have an appt with my ND on Monday.

Hubby thinks anxiety attack (never had one before, was having a totally normal morning and on our way to the beach). I don't know, I kind of feel open to exploring any possibility that will help me feel better. But I don't consider myself to be an anxious person until this happened. But I think it's possible I am stuffing all the little stress (messy house, cooking the 4 millionth dinner of my life, kids fighting, why does ds2 wake up so early to poop, etc) and maybe it all just built up.

But there's another possibility that just occurred to us today that I think might be more likely. If I'm right, I made some changes today and hopefully will feel better tomorrow.

Whatever it is that's going on, I'm feeling MUCH more sensitive to anxiety now than I was before. It's exhausting.

Hugs to all you mamas, struggling or not, this ain't no job for a sissy and you're all doing fantastic jobs!
post #6 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by odinsmama View Post

Hmm, well this is timely.
I just had some kind of episode with my heart on Wednesday. Racing and pounding hard, felt like I might faint (I was driving). Pulled over, called DH and then 911. All blood work normal, EKG normal, chest X-ray normal...

And I've been feeling lousy ever since... Weak, confused, out of breath, forcing myself to eat, nauseated.

I have an appt with my ND on Monday.

Hubby thinks anxiety attack (never had one before, was having a totally normal morning and on our way to the beach). I don't know, I kind of feel open to exploring any possibility that will help me feel better. But I don't consider myself to be an anxious person until this happened. But I think it's possible I am stuffing all the little stress (messy house, cooking the 4 millionth dinner of my life, kids fighting, why does ds2 wake up so early to poop, etc) and maybe it all just built up.

But there's another possibility that just occurred to us today that I think might be more likely. If I'm right, I made some changes today and hopefully will feel better tomorrow.

Whatever it is that's going on, I'm feeling MUCH more sensitive to anxiety now than I was before. It's exhausting.

Hugs to all you mamas, struggling or not, this ain't no job for a sissy and you're all doing fantastic jobs!

 

:HugHug! I've had 2 anxiety attacks before and I feel like this might be what happened to you. They completely waste you for days afterwards. I hope you are able to rest and recuperate. So many people assume they are "no big deal" but I beg to differ. Your ND will probably give you a constitutional remedy and maybe some dietary things.

post #7 of 13

Typebug- I have tried to reply to this so many times.... I couldn't do it on my phone for some reason.  I wanted to come and make sure to give you some hugs.

 

I found that each time I have a child, I am overwhelmed by how hard it is.  I have to say that the first rocked me so much more than the others have (although, each has been way harder than I though it would be.....)  And I am just in a perpetual state of exhaustion.  Some of that comes from co-sleeping and nursing on demand (all night), but it is a choice I am glad we made.

 

Sleep, sleep, sleep.... or at least rest.  I have a hard time sleeping now in the middle of the day (even when DH takes the kids so I can rest).  Even just laying down and reading a book seems to help me recharge a bit.  I also don't have super high expectations for myself as far as housework goes.  You may want to look into having a space that is truely baby-proofed, that way, you can take the laundry in there and fold it together or whatever.  I also wear Liam at least 4-5 hours a day.  This is when I am doing something that needs my attention (homeschooling DD1 or cooking).  

 

I have to also say that I am an extrovert, so I don't find it exhausting just being around my kids.... if that makes sense.  I have heard that extroverts get their energy when around other people, while introverts recharge while being alone.  I think I remember you saying something about being an introvert..... disregard if I am mistaken.... so, maybe you are feeling that too.

 

Ok, I am trying to plan next weeks lessons, so got to go, but wanted to stop by and say I have been thinking of you and sending lots of hugs.  Hope it gets better soon.

post #8 of 13

I haven't been around much here but i wish i was - so instead of making my kids lunch i'm here reading and this.. yes. 

 

I have been really stressed lately too - and more than being stressed, i've been less in control and letting it get to me..  anxiety attack like symptoms have happened a few times..   My big issue is that i want the house clean. that, and cooking..  I could spend all day on those tasks..  and then i have 4 kids and i homeschool them.. the simple fact is there are not enough hours in the day and i keep telling myself this HAS to get better as they get older and are able to help out more

 

What are you doing to boost your immunity? - Elderberry syrup, vit D  - trying to sleep enough (HAHAHA)

 

How much/often are you nursing now?  um.. every 2-3 hours during the day and 4-6 times overnight.. so. a lot.

 

Any great nutrition discoveries you want to share or get help with?  the best thing i've been able to do for my nutrition is freezing single portions of crock pot meals like stew with lots of veggies - otherwise i don't take the time to make veggies for myself.. 

 

Are you getting breaks? How and when do you take them? no. no breaks unless you count eating dinner after the kids are in bed and watching 1 hour or so of TV at that time - often interrupted by baby waking to nurse..  It doesn't really feel like a break when i know he could and often does wake up in the middle ..

 

Do you have a good support network right now? yes and no.. my husband is great, my mom helps out, but beyond that, in my mind, a good support network would not include people who think i'm crazy for having 4 kids, or who constantly bring up how i shouldn't have more or how i have enough. not helpful.  

post #9 of 13

hey mamas! i haven't been on in a while. will comment and write more later, but naomi and i both have the flu and it is awful. just awful. i thought we just had nasty colds, then we both started barfing last night. we had about 1 hour of sleep last night, not continuous. worst, roughest night we have ever had. she would only sleep on my chest, but between the hurting belly, teething and the endless snot and not being able to nurse since she couldn't breathe she was just miserable. such a helpless feeling. 

 

love to everyone!

post #10 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kellybeth View Post
 

hey mamas! i haven't been on in a while. will comment and write more later, but naomi and i both have the flu and it is awful. just awful. i thought we just had nasty colds, then we both started barfing last night. we had about 1 hour of sleep last night, not continuous. worst, roughest night we have ever had. she would only sleep on my chest, but between the hurting belly, teething and the endless snot and not being able to nurse since she couldn't breathe she was just miserable. such a helpless feeling. 

 

love to everyone!

 

:Hug

post #11 of 13
So, turns out I accidentally overdosed on one of my meds, which also happens to be addictive. greensad.gif So that was the whole heart racing episode. I feel like such an idiot...

I decided to quit cold turkey so I've been doing withdrawal plus cravings for the last 3 days or so. Thankfully I've had help... Friends brought up a few dinners and did some cleaning.
I'm finally feeling better today and thinking about what I can do to prevent a flare up now that this med is no longer an option.

It's been kind of weird to have no social stuff or anything going on, other than a friend up to visit and me sitting here being the life of the party. But my body can't handle anything right now. Not even a little bit of stress.

My dad offered to help one day and I had to tell him no. It's sad but I don't trust him (I expect he would have come up here and had a good talking-at me about how DH should have called them when I was in ER), he and DH haven't spoken in 2 years (and I always feel that tension, whenever I see/talk to my dad), and he is a complete narcissist. He has never, ever come over to help me with anything. And I have no ability to deal with all that right now.

Anyway, all about me and nothing about the kids!

The kids are good. Freya has 3 teeth and is walking several steps in a row. She loves to try again every time she falls.
Sleep has been not so great. Freya is up for a couple hours on milestone nights.

I do have a great support system, as I've seen this week. I'm learning it's the friends with kids who are my support when we are all well and having fun, social time. But when I'm down and out and can't cook dinner or sweep, it's the older women with grown kids who signed up to take turns doing that stuff for me. Remind me to take these ladies out for coffee or something soon!

The boys have been on/off sick and we finally got that figured out and are treating that.
Got our (state mandatory) standardized test in the mail for DS1, but I'm totally putting that off till next week.
Edited by odinsmama - 2/26/14 at 7:54pm
post #12 of 13

odinsmama, glad you figured it out and are feeling better!

 

What are you doing to boost your immunity?

everything i can!! my immune system is shot, though, but i do what i can. taking tons of vit D and chugging elderberry syrup when i can. a friend and i have a date this weekend to concoct our own brew which will save $$. i've also been doing a mushroom pill... it's host defense's "my community". maybe it's helping.

 

How much/often are you nursing now?

 

i'm working during the day, but i'd day at least 3-4 times before bed, and then most night's lou just nurses all night. i've thought about night-weaning him but he and i are both not ready for that yet. will revisit that idea when he's a few months older it think.

 

Any great nutrition discoveries you want to share or get help with? 

 

i've recently stopped eating gluten (okay, maybe like 90% stopped!) and i think it's a positive change for me. lou is eating up a storm. he's much more interested in food than my older two were at this age. we both crave sweet potatoes, so we eat those a lot.

 

Are you getting breaks? How and when do you take them?

 

work is my break, i guess? haha. it's busy and crazy and has its own stresses, but it feel nice focus on something other than mom stuff. i still try to go out maybe once a week or every two week to hang with my girlfriends. even if i'm beat and tired, if a friend calls me up wanting to go to dinner i try to make it happen. it's good for my mental health.

 

Do you have a good support network right now?

 

i do. my mom is great. she'll watch the kids at the drop of a hat so i can run errands. i have a great friend group, too. i don't see everyone as often as i'd like, but that's also because they've all recently had babies too! and it's winter. we're all IN. it's been brutal here. definitely looking forward to spring/summer.

post #13 of 13

egads, i missed you ladies!!!

 

:grouphug

 

saw the title to this thread and had to catch up.

 

What are you doing to boost your immunity?

daily- 5000iu vit D, 500 some measurement chelated magnesium, eating almost paleo (cheese joined the menu this week for the first time in 5 months), laying down by 9:30 almost every night and not getting up til baby does around 7:30, pilates, and laying down for an hour each day w/ a book or a dumb movie or just to close my eyes.  (introvert here needs to tune out kids or else i start to feel CRAZY!)- when it's sunny we sit outside, and i take one walk a week w/ hubby during the day and do work- and i love my focused time when i don't have to be mama and do 1000 things at once!!!

once a week i try to take a mineral bath, get out to work, see clients 2x a week, and have friends over at least 1x a week.  started a mom's group on thurs mornings to see other moms!  i serve paleo scones and tea.  :eat

 

How much/often are you nursing now?

3-5x a day.  none at night.  

 

Any great nutrition discoveries you want to share or get help with? 

ugh- i eat so well, and i'm steadily gaining, and every night i have horrendous gas!  no matter what i eat!  i wish i could eat well and not gain 50lbs each pregnancy.  but i can't eat less, or cleaner, so that makes it hard!  i have been taking some cod liver oil and Omega-3's w/ my kids in the evenings (they line up to take their cod liver oil.  so mary poppins), and probiotics have been really helpful.  but still get that gas!!!!

 

Are you getting breaks? How and when do you take them?

work is my break during different days, so tues am 11am-1pm, every other wed 10-11am, and every other friday 6pm-7pm.  that's all my scheduled away from kids/not doing kids things time.  and yes, i have a scheduled 'quiet time' in my house which is theoretically from 1-3, which means i usually get almost an hour to myself!  i lay down.  i shut down. my kids who do school need a break then, and my kids who don't do school need it even more.  then 3-7:30 is clean-up, dinner, play, movies, bedtime and then i shut down after that.  bedtime for me is 9:30 and my husband LOVES it b/c i just curl up w/ him.

 

Do you have a good support network right now?

my husband is wonderful.  i have a babysitter on Tues from 10-1 so i can go out and do work and see my husband during the day before i morph into the 5pm exhaustabeast.  THAT'S IT.  

i started a moms group in our church b/c it's so lonely during the week.  i'd like to pretend that doing kids day in and day out w/out anyone but us is romantic and perfect, but it makes me CRAZY.  we're doing well in school, 2 older kids to piano lessons 1x a week, my eldest plays little league (which has been snowed and rained out a lot), but husband is gone 8-5:30 5 days a week.  and this week is gone 2 nights as well.  there was a month w/ lots of husband traveling and overnights and all that, and it was ROUGH.  i may have tantrumed on the floor one night after the month was done b/c i was so tired and couldn't pretend to even want to help clean the kitchen.  i might have just cried and yelled 'i'm tired!!! I'M TIRED! I'M SO F-ING TIRED!'  but apparently hubby got the memo and has been way more supportive of letting me sleep and get to bed on time and not helping him clean the kitchen after i put the kids to bed.  (sorry, mommy profanity is rare, but my dad was a marine and when i revert to my totally overwhelmed subconscious self i say things that aren't totally in character w/ my normal conscious mind!  my husband has had to laugh and tell friends that my kids have heard it from me when i'm mad at him and it's always funny b/c it's a side only he sees!)

 

i wish we had family around.  i wish the friends i spent a year working on relationship w/ hadn't flaked out the moment we had minor conflict (my husband and them, not me and kids, but they cut us all off completely).  i hope some of the friends i'm building w/ now will stick.....

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